Deciding to transition ten years ago
this post was submitted on 01 May 2024
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Marrying my wife. She is so smart and strong. We make a great team and we have been able to resolve the various conflicts of 15 years. I couldn't have chosen a better partner.
Getting a divorce. My life has been better since then, even when I lived in my car.
A βfriendβ started a company and hired me. It was pretty fun for a year. Then it became pretty bad β real bad. I quit on the spot after a verbal abuse session where I demanded more respect and my βfriendβ / boss literally said βno.β
Itβs been a little over a year since I quit. Lived in my car for some of it, otherwise took odd jobs here and there where I could rent a room temporarily.
Iβm at the end of this insane journey β starting a new job in a couple months. Itβs been rough but I still think it was the right decision. Curious to see myself in 6 months to a year.
Anyway, felt like this was somewhat similar to your case.
It's rough as hell, friend. I'm glad you're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. With a little hard work and a lot of luck I was able to buy a house a few years after I went through the homelessness thing. I hope the same for you.
Ditto - divorcing my first wife. Now I'm married to my soulmate and we have an amazing daughter together. Best thing I ever did!
Same. I thought life would be worse so I stayed married longer than I should have.
Turns out being unhappily married is far more lonely than being single....by a LOT.
Oh hell yes it is. I didn't stay too long (I'm notorious for leaving anything I'm unhappy with) but it was only good for like the first couple of weeks. I honestly should have known better but I was 18.
And for all the folks saying that getting married is the best thing to happen to them, I only have one thing to say: good! I'm glad it's working for you and your spouse!
Joining the electrical union. I'm a convicted felon. The union gave me a future.
I'd say so far, my best decision has been saying "ok" when an old coworker offered me an interview at a new job.
OP, do you mind if I ask what your native language is?
I apologize for the late reply. I was really busy these few days.
OP, do you mind if I ask what your native language is?
Well I do not mind. It's Turkish.
I hate that you are right because English is such a janky ass language.
And don't worry too much on mistakes since native speakers suck at english too.
No we aren't
Asked my boss to relocate me to another country 5 years ago. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity and Iβm glad I even asked in the first place, because no one else had done it at the time.
Quit smoking.
Apart from that, it's been a clusterfuck.
Quiting an exhausting job. That was a big relieve for me and for my partner even more so
It wasn't my decision, but getting fired from an exhausting job was amazing for me. I wasn't going to pull the trigger myself, but walking out of my boss's office I couldn't keep a huge grin off my face. I was in no rush to find a new job so the months of uneployment that followed were some of the happiest of my life. And I have a better job now that pays less but is so much less stressful.
Moving to California. Happened on a whim. Change my life completely because I didn't fit in my conservative state and would never have achieved actual happiness. Also, continuing therapy.
Getting away from my ex.
I had resigned myself to my life being over. But when we started pushing for kids, I started noticing relief whenever it didnβt work. I realized that while I might have been willing to sacrifice myself to her, I wasnβt willing to sacrifice kids.
So I did the unthinkable, and I called it all off. It was horribly sad, but now after five years out, Iβm feeling like myself again. I shudder to think of that zombified state I was living in.
I realised a relationship was doomed when I had a pregnancy scare. I was overjoyed when I got my period, and he told me he was sad. The man already had 3 kids by 3 different women, none of whom he saw, and I was like wtf how does he think I'd have a kid with him?? We broke up not long after. And every time I see him around town I thank my lucky stars I didn't get stuck with him, as well as embarrassment I was with him in the first place.
Someone convinced me to study computer science 20 years ago. The career possibilities with good money and easy work have put the rest of life on easy mode (for now). Even meeting my wife and having my family would never have happend without that decision.
Stooped caring what other thought, started doing what I liked, took risks.
Going vegan
Leaving Facebook, and Reddit, and ~~Twitter~~ X, and Instagram, and... well, quite literally everything except YouTube.
Asking out my partner. They're my favorite person. I pity the alternate timeline version of me who didn't have the guts to make a move. They're really missing out.
Super cute and wholesome. Glad for you both of you, and cracking up at your username.
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Probably having kids. Got pregnant at 23, went back to school, slowly, got a much better job when I finished. Do not think I would have done without having the kids, and they have brought so much joy into my life.
But I always knew I wanted kids so not sure that counts.
Wearing a very slightly alternative outfit to the mall in the 1980s may actually have saved my life. I was so alienated at school, for a lot of reasons, and falling in with these slightly older punks who looked after me at shows and just generally got me into that scene really made me feel I had a place - I wouldn't say it was wholesome by any stretch but without that group I am pretty sure I would have just died, probably from anorexia as a teen. Good and bad came from it but I am very, very happy for that day.
Was taking 2 gap years in education. Where I worked a year, and took firefighters education for 9 month, where I met my now wife, after that traveled for 2 month, before I continued my education with computer science.
Going to college.
Honestly there's a lot of things I know all contributed to where I am. But I'm fairly certain I would have a far worse life if I hadn't gone to college.
Making new year resolutions and actually following through with them until i have succeeded. Each new year, if i completed my previous year goal, i will spend some time thinking about what i could do to best improve my life. i also very carefully word the resolution, so i am not able to 'cheat' in any way.
I started off by doing something i saw as a joke. the resolution was to watch every episode and movie of star trek, star wars and dr who. After accomplishing this goal (after 3 years) i realized that making the goal specific is more important. a vague goal that says "do better" in some way is bad. it is better, for me, to aim for a reasonable and achievable goal.
For example, "losing weight" is a bad. if i never stopped losing weight, it would be worse than if i never stopped gaining weight. if i make the goal "get to, then stay within 180-200 pounds", it is a good goal. (for my height, this is a healthy range).
i started doing this in 2006. since starting i have quit drinking alcohol, quit illegal drugs and reconnected with family members i lost contact with, during the time i was doing the other two.
the most recent goal i made, in 2020, is actually the opposite of my first goal: quit watching tv and movies, quit playing videogames and educate myself as much as possible, until i get a college degree (this is difficult. i have developmental disorders) or buy a house. since they are harder goals than before, i gave myself a deadline of before 2030 begins.
It could help with long term to define sub goals.
For example, about what amount of savings you want to have by which date, or set a date when you want to have a clear concise description of what kind of house and location you are looking for.
At another date you want to be familiar with all the things that involve buying a house, the documents and what not.
By defining sub goals you keep things real and are able to measure your position towards your goal.
It's a valid strategy for dealing with complex and long term stuff.
Moving to Ireland. Better than the UK in almost every way.
Marrying my wife.
I ended up being a much better person because of it.
Quit work at 35, am now 58.
Regrets ? Not brave enough to quit earlier.
How do you support yourself and how did you make that happen?
Seconded I'm ready to take notes at 33
If you are actually interested there was movement, not sure if still going, a few years ago called financial independence. It was r/financialindependence. One of their influencers was Mr Money Moustache. You can look that up if you want
Yeah :) I actually am going to reach FI myself next year at 33 y/o. Was hoping to hear this person's story since its a concept I'm very interested in.
I started running some 20-odd years ago. It helped me get stability and self-confidence and helped me get my shit together.
Moving. I was in my mid 20s and I lived in a city with all my friends.
Really struggled with mental health. Felt like all my friends hated me. Turns out they were just mediocre friends.
Packed up and moved, solo.doing way better than I ever woulda done in that situation, I think.
It's kind of weird that English became a universal language. There must have been better choices.
Apparently not, or those would've become the universal.
History is what caused it. Though it's pretty fascinating that in Shakespeare's time, English (in England) was considered the commoner's tongue, while the upper classes spoke French.
This is part of Shakespeare's legacy (he wrote and performed in English) , and also shows why the early documents in America are worded the way they are. No American says "four score and 20 years", that's from French.
No American says "four score and 20 years",
My whole life has been a lie.
I mean the options at the time were English, French and maybe Spanish with Dutch being a distant 4th so... Not really? Nowadays your options are English or Mandarin.
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Going to therapy.
I found out the reason I could't sleep anymore was deeper than just being stressed out during a particular time frame of my life, but it was the last ring of a chain of bad (but apparently "normal") decisions that started a long time ago.
Overcoming my tendency to push people away and committing to my wife.
Why would you want to overcome committing to your wife?
/s
At the risk of repeating what others have posted, getting together with my wife. She's smart, financially responsible, and we influence each other in positive ways. We've been so much more capable as a team than either of us was separately.
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