The Onion

So angry this isn’t even satire.

The reality is even worse. They're going to "learn" all the wrong lessons. They will shift further to the right, like they always do.

I think the only thing to learn from this is that if Jesus himself came down and ran as a democrat, Trump would make jokes about crucifixes and the religious right would start cheering. There is no crossing party lines

We also want to congratulate our friends in the Republican party, they played a great game and we can’t wait to work with them more.

Republican National Committee Chair Michael Whatley is excited to see his colleagues at the DNC make the same mistakes over and over.

This is amazing.

“I saw how the DNC ignored voters, I saw how they talked down to people, and that just made my job easy. I go in and say ‘Democrats think you’re dumb, but Republicans think you’re a genius’ and these dopes eat it up like the slop they feed their pigs.

Holy fuck is this even satire anymore? I can literally see a GOP campaign official say that in private.

“To all those growing skeptical of this party’s strategies and overall agenda, let me just say we hear you loud and clear. Rest assured we will be doing everything short of interpreting that sound into words and responding to those words in any way shape or form.”

This is an all-timer.

I literally see voters saying the Democrats were too left leaning, jfc.

With parties like this, painful collapse is the only way to avoid multigenerational destitution.

There is no saving the United States as a framework. It is far too compromised, with too many methods installed to keep the people willfully ignorant and infighting as the owners suck their life forces dry for profit.

We can limp along and pretend that isn't the case, but climate change, aka the reality that doesn't give a shit about our self-delusion and greed worship, will force that collapse sooner rather than later. Reality can't be bribed, deluded, disappeared, or discredited.

Enjoy living in delusion that a society can function in capitalist competition against itself, the ability to do so is coming to an end.

Local opinion piece:

https://www.startribune.com/brehm-democrats-have-themselves-to-blame-for-trumps-election/601176736

I read it because of the title, but it's just some shithead that wants them to move further right:

This red wave wasn’t as much about embracing Donald Trump as it was repudiating far-left progressivism.

[...], and then foisted upon us an equally unqualified and unpalatable hard left alternative.

They are already creating the groundwork for sucking more corporate dick.

Oh they learned their lessons:

1. blame minorities
2. shift further right

Have they tried committing multiple felonies ? Are they even watching and learning ?

It’s going to be really fun to see them dust off the same exact playbook next time around, I already have two copies of it, I use one to even out the table in my kitchen, and the other I use the pages to pick up my dogs shit in the yard.”

Oh they know how to win. They just don't want to. The policy decisions that would lock in Dem control for generations to come run counter to the goals of DNC Services Corp. Because they're a corp.

Theyre not the ones that need to learn. Voters need to learn DNC is a bunch of wealthy moderates grifting voters.

They ran Harris thinking she would win based on her demographics. The DNC needs to learn that not everyone wants a black/LGBTQ/woman/etc candidate that just runs on their race/gender/sexuality.

They want someone that's competent that will campaign on policies that will make their lives better. The DNC has moved so far away from the working class that the RNC, the party of wealthy creeps, has them.

Bernie has it right. The DNC represents the rich left leaning right.

The funniest part of this is the idea that there will be an opposition party in anything but a token way after this.

The only "The Onion" rather than "Not The Onion" part of this is the idea that they would announce it.

So far what I have learned about what Kamala has learned is:

It is now the darkest night in America.

But...

There are billions of stars you can only see at night!

...

You know, faint, distant glimmers from long, long ago, that you can squint at and imagine they form coherent, stable, meaningful structures... which are not, and never really were there at all.

...

I do not know if she was intentionally attempting to invert/reference Reagan's 'Morning in America' and HW's 'Thousand points of light', or if she somehow thought this was an original, meaningful metaphor.

Either would be pathetic and disgusting.

...

Anyway, quite literally that may have been how democracy in America died, to another speech of meaningless platitudes, ending with thunderous applause, congratulating that a failed struggle was worth it, because even though it failed, it played by the rules and was gracious in defeat.

What's the thing that will send you websites at a set date in the future? Wanna take bets and look at this 4 years from now to the day?

TBH I'd be afraid of them learning anything with headlines telling them to blame Palestine supporters and Minorities.