this post was submitted on 07 Nov 2024
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The Onion

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The Onion

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[–] deegeese@sopuli.xyz 225 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

So angry this isn’t even satire.

[–] Limonene@lemmy.world 58 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I think it counts as satire, even if the headline is a completely true statement.

[–] eugenevdebs@lemmy.dbzer0.com 24 points 2 weeks ago

Colbert was satire when he just copied what Republicans were saying, with the obvious intentions of "Jesus Christ, do they even hear themselves?"

The Onion can be satire now, and when "No way to prevent this, says the only country where this happens on a regular basis."

[–] ohellidk@sh.itjust.works 36 points 2 weeks ago

seriously. they'll have a LOT more believable articles for the next few years.

[–] Schmoo 193 points 2 weeks ago (57 children)

The reality is even worse. They're going to "learn" all the wrong lessons. They will shift further to the right, like they always do.

[–] leadore@lemmy.world 28 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (9 children)

Yep, every time Dems can't get enough votes from the left to win, because they aren't "left/pure enough" for them, what they learn is to shift to the right to find votes.

Whereas since voters on the right will always vote for the one with the R by their name even if they don't think the candidate is "right enough", their party learns that it doesn't have to move to the left to find enough votes and stays to the right or moves even further to the right.

[–] myrrh@ttrpg.network 36 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

...you don't win over conservatives by offering light-conservatism, but the democratic party have run the same playbook since 1992...

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[–] _bcron_@lemmy.world 122 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I think the only thing to learn from this is that if Jesus himself came down and ran as a democrat, Trump would make jokes about crucifixes and the religious right would start cheering. There is no crossing party lines

[–] PolydoreSmith@lemmy.world 68 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Oh c’mon, Kamala was pretty far from Jesus, and Trump and co. are no political masterminds. This was the dems race to lose and they brilliantly pulled it off by exhibiting what can only be described as an active disdain for anything that even smelled like progressive politics. Turns out you can’t win on “the other guy is worse.” They fucked up and lost fair and square.

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 36 points 2 weeks ago (12 children)

Look, the Democrats are not good at running campaigns, but I will never let that obscure the fact that OVER 75 MILLION Americans were ready, willing, and able to vote for a proven rapist, convicted criminal, openly racist, riot-starting adult crybaby. Not grudgingly -- they went to the polls with a song in their hearts and blood in their eyes! The fucking Democrats didn't cause that -- 12 years of Fox News telling people that DJT was God, and four years of blaming COVID and inflation on desperate economic migrants did that.

Even IF the Democrats have enough of a base to overwhelm those +75m hateboner-stroking bigots, well they knew what's at stake and STILL stayed home. (No doubt smirking at how cleverly they avoided any moral contagion via the brilliant gambit of continuing to pay taxes but not casting a vote 🙄 .) Regardless of all that, I don't blame them for Trump's win either, because there shouldn't have been +75 million Trump-lovers to overwhelm in the first fucking place.

[–] SwingingTheLamp@midwest.social 32 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Yeah, but that's democracy. Those 75+ million people wanted something, and they voted for it, and they got it. Anything else is irrelevant. There's no asterisk in the Constitution with a footnote that says the election is invalid if one side consists of hateboner-stroking bigots. If Democrats want something different, then they have to convince enough people to show up and vote for something different. They have to get good at public messaging and at running campaigns. Righteous indignation changes nothing whatsoever.

[–] Rekorse@sh.itjust.works 29 points 2 weeks ago (10 children)

Democrats would have benefitted greatly from reining in the corporate profiteering that happened from the pandemic onwards.

They needed to be the anti greed party or the wealth redistribution party or something. Something different, not more of the same.

It was hard to hear everytime they said "Actually, the economy is doing marvelous."

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[–] Scubus@sh.itjust.works 25 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Its not even the dems. Its the dnc. Who actually voted for biden or kamala as the person, of all democrats, to be the representative? The two party system has literally led to the death of America.

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[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 28 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I think the only thing to learn from this is that [vehemently ignores everything the Dems did wrong]

This article is about and for you, fool.

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[–] radiohead37@lemmynsfw.com 23 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Which is crazy. In most countries, all parties are despised. In US, it is more like sports team.

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[–] NoneOfUrBusiness@fedia.io 108 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

We also want to congratulate our friends in the Republican party, they played a great game and we can’t wait to work with them more.

Republican National Committee Chair Michael Whatley is excited to see his colleagues at the DNC make the same mistakes over and over.

This is amazing.

“I saw how the DNC ignored voters, I saw how they talked down to people, and that just made my job easy. I go in and say ‘Democrats think you’re dumb, but Republicans think you’re a genius’ and these dopes eat it up like the slop they feed their pigs.

Holy fuck is this even satire anymore? I can literally see a GOP campaign official say that in private.

[–] iwndwyt@sh.itjust.works 35 points 2 weeks ago

In private? I can see them saying it on TV and the rubes still voting for them since all they watch is Fox News and they'd never run it.

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[–] Ultraviolet@lemmy.world 96 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

“To all those growing skeptical of this party’s strategies and overall agenda, let me just say we hear you loud and clear. Rest assured we will be doing everything short of interpreting that sound into words and responding to those words in any way shape or form.”

This is an all-timer.

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[–] Allonzee@lemmy.world 80 points 2 weeks ago (20 children)

I literally see voters saying the Democrats were too left leaning, jfc.

With parties like this, painful collapse is the only way to avoid multigenerational destitution.

There is no saving the United States as a framework. It is far too compromised, with too many methods installed to keep the people willfully ignorant and infighting as the owners suck their life forces dry for profit.

We can limp along and pretend that isn't the case, but climate change, aka the reality that doesn't give a shit about our self-delusion and greed worship, will force that collapse sooner rather than later. Reality can't be bribed, deluded, disappeared, or discredited.

Enjoy living in delusion that a society can function in capitalist competition against itself, the ability to do so is coming to an end.

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[–] m_f@midwest.social 63 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

Local opinion piece:

https://www.startribune.com/brehm-democrats-have-themselves-to-blame-for-trumps-election/601176736

I read it because of the title, but it's just some shithead that wants them to move further right:

This red wave wasn’t as much about embracing Donald Trump as it was repudiating far-left progressivism.

[...], and then foisted upon us an equally unqualified and unpalatable hard left alternative.

They are already creating the groundwork for sucking more corporate dick.

[–] jlou@mastodon.social 50 points 2 weeks ago (8 children)

How can this be a rejection of the far left when Harris campaigned as a moderate (e.g. Cheney)? If republican voters are going to think Democrats are communist regardless of how moderate the Democrats are, maybe moderating isn't a good strategy. If the only choice is between right-wing and lite right-wing, right-wing voters will choose the real thing. Even then, Trumpists will still call democrats communists.

Many left polices are popular when they aren't labelled as left

@theonion

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[–] SwingingTheLamp@midwest.social 31 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Reminds me of that joke about how there are only two races: White, and political. It's disheartening to see folks (some here on Lemmy) confusing listening to the concerns of brown-skinned people with leftism. The Arab-Americans in Michigan, for a relevant example, are just people with a range of political opinions like the rest of us.

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[–] PanArab@lemm.ee 60 points 2 weeks ago

Oh they learned their lessons:

  1. blame minorities
  2. shift further right
[–] TheReturnOfPEB@reddthat.com 59 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Have they tried committing multiple felonies ? Are they even watching and learning ?

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[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 50 points 2 weeks ago

It’s going to be really fun to see them dust off the same exact playbook next time around, I already have two copies of it, I use one to even out the table in my kitchen, and the other I use the pages to pick up my dogs shit in the yard.”

[–] RangerJosie@lemmy.world 44 points 2 weeks ago

Oh they know how to win. They just don't want to. The policy decisions that would lock in Dem control for generations to come run counter to the goals of DNC Services Corp. Because they're a corp.

[–] blazera@lemmy.world 43 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Theyre not the ones that need to learn. Voters need to learn DNC is a bunch of wealthy moderates grifting voters.

[–] lath@lemmy.world 27 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

What if the DNC privately wins by making sure their candidate loses?

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[–] vordalack@lemm.ee 37 points 2 weeks ago (15 children)

They ran Harris thinking she would win based on her demographics. The DNC needs to learn that not everyone wants a black/LGBTQ/woman/etc candidate that just runs on their race/gender/sexuality.

They want someone that's competent that will campaign on policies that will make their lives better. The DNC has moved so far away from the working class that the RNC, the party of wealthy creeps, has them.

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world 44 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (4 children)

They ran Harris because she was the only candidate they could justify shoehorning in without a primary, since she's VP.

Why they didn't want to run a primary is a great question. Probably cost and time, and name recognition. Studies show that often the candidate with the most name recognition wins. There's wasn't enough time to tell every person in America a brand new person's name.

But usually VPs don't do well when they run as president. Imo Dems are just trying to avoid another Bernie Sanders situation - a leftist with an authentic campaign and people who genuinely like them. More than anything, they gotta stop real progress in this country.

[–] archomrade@midwest.social 31 points 2 weeks ago

Imo Dems are just trying to avoid another Bernie Sanders situation - a leftist with an authentic campaign and people who genuinely like them

100% this is why. They didn't want any internal pressure for progressive policies or a public platform to voice them.

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[–] LavenderDay3544@lemmy.world 28 points 2 weeks ago (12 children)

They had no platform other than fear mongering about Trump.

The difference between Harris and Obama was that while Obama was biracial that wasn't the focus of his campaign, his platform was, and he articulated it well. That's the real lesson to take away from Obama's success at the polls not let's run a black person and hope we win.

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[–] Itdidnttrickledown@lemmy.world 34 points 2 weeks ago

Bernie has it right. The DNC represents the rich left leaning right.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 34 points 2 weeks ago (50 children)

The funniest part of this is the idea that there will be an opposition party in anything but a token way after this.

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[–] Aceticon@lemmy.world 31 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

The only "The Onion" rather than "Not The Onion" part of this is the idea that they would announce it.

[–] AntiOutsideAktion@lemmy.ml 28 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

I'd say "The Onion" part of this is that the democratic party doesn't need to learn any lessons because it's doing exactly what they want to do. The people who will refuse to learn from this are the people who still put faith in them and the democratic system in general.

Sure democrats would prefer to win but the most important thing to them is making sure that policies to the left of the republican party are never a serious threat to the donors they both share. That's pretty obvious at this point, right?

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[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 28 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

So far what I have learned about what Kamala has learned is:

It is now the darkest night in America.

But...

There are billions of stars you can only see at night!

...

You know, faint, distant glimmers from long, long ago, that you can squint at and imagine they form coherent, stable, meaningful structures... which are not, and never really were there at all.

...

I do not know if she was intentionally attempting to invert/reference Reagan's 'Morning in America' and HW's 'Thousand points of light', or if she somehow thought this was an original, meaningful metaphor.

Either would be pathetic and disgusting.

...

Anyway, quite literally that may have been how democracy in America died, to another speech of meaningless platitudes, ending with thunderous applause, congratulating that a failed struggle was worth it, because even though it failed, it played by the rules and was gracious in defeat.

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[–] gatorgato@lemmy.world 23 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

What's the thing that will send you websites at a set date in the future? Wanna take bets and look at this 4 years from now to the day?

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[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 22 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

TBH I'd be afraid of them learning anything with headlines telling them to blame Palestine supporters and Minorities.

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