this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2024
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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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Anon sells girl scout cookies (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 3 days ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 18 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Go online

Post advertisement for obvious scam

Get no sales

ThinkingFace.jpg

Spend more money on advertising

Get a few tiny nibbles at my scam

ThinkingHarderFace.jpg

Spend enormous amounts of money on advertising

Finally, some traction. Approaching break-even point. I can see the light of day on the horizon. Perhaps I can turn a profit in another few months.

Look at my budget. Oops! All Advertising!

Realize I could have operated a real for-profit business that made something useful and turned a profit much faster

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 36 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

Cops secretly love it when you prove that you've not broken the law. They will test you by contradicting you, but you just gotta raise your voice and gesticulate wildly, and they will come around to your way of thinking. The longer you argue your point, the more they will respect you

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Make sure to work in case law and constitutional amendments, cops are actually legal scholars are really like discussing the minutia of judicial opinions.

[–] glitch1985@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago

Bonus points for incorporating that you're a sovereign citizen.

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Note: This only works if you're white.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 11 points 2 days ago

"I'm sorry officer. I... Didn't know I couldn't do that."

[–] RangerJosie@lemmy.world 244 points 3 days ago (3 children)

If I was buying mystery boxes of mystery shit on the deep web and ended up with a box of girl scout cookies I wouldn't even be mad.

[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 87 points 3 days ago

That's the genius of it. Oh, my box is Thin Mints? Cool! Especially when you have had a few days to think of all the worse things it could have been.

[–] Absolute_Axoltl@feddit.uk 45 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Are girl scout cookies always the same or does it depend on where they come from? I've seen them in just about every American sitcom/animated sitcom ever and I'm just curious if they are a specific brand or something else?

[–] Sweetpeaches69@lemmy.world 1 points 9 hours ago

There are two manufacturers of Girl Scout cookies in the US. They're roughly a West and East manufacturer. Their cookies taste subtly different--unless you have sensory integration disorder like my sister and have tasted the difference her whole life and then deep dived into it in her early 20s and felt very vindicated when she found out there were two distributors and no she wasn't crazy that whole time and just tasted that almost impossible to detect difference.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 57 points 3 days ago (3 children)

They're all the same.

"Girl Scout Cookies" is a brand of its own. They're mostly pretty good too. I'm a samoa guy, when I can be talked into spending way too much on cookies where the actual local scouts don't really see enough of the funding from the sales.

I'm not a fan of the organization. The cookies though, they're legit.

[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (3 children)

So it’s just a MLM scheme?

[–] Matthew@midwest.social 7 points 1 day ago

Yeah but the real ingenuity is in the child labor

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yup, though not really multi in the true sense, but that's essentialy how it works. It's pretty shitty

[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Single level marketing?

[–] laranis@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 day ago

Always has been.

Teaches girls to be entrepreneurs so they can grow up and sell Tupperware or Pampered Chef or whatever bullshit is getting hocked about these days.

[–] OfficeMonkey@lemmy.today 39 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Small correction, only discovered when I moved across the country: there are two factories producing Girl Scout Cookies -- and the recipes have overlap, but each production company has a few unique ones. So sometimes I have to order from my niece rather than my neighbor.

Some of them are the same everywhere, though.

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 16 points 3 days ago

That's why in some areas Samoas are called Caramel Delights. IIRC, they use extremely slightly different recipes, and there is some sort of licensing agreement between the two.

All I know is that as a Cub/Boy Scout, I loathed Girl Scout Cookie season, because it overlapped with Boy Scout Popcorn season. It took me years to figure out that the way to sell the stuff was to completely ignore the product, and sell the idea of "keeping young boys from inventing their own entertainment."

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 days ago

I did not know that! Thanks for the info :)

[–] Absolute_Axoltl@feddit.uk 3 points 2 days ago

Thanks for the answer. The need for something on such a huge scale just for girls scouts seems crazy to me! But your country is on a huge scale I suppose.

[–] Iheartcheese@lemmy.world 19 points 3 days ago (2 children)

What flavor we talkin here?

[–] webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 29 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Mystery flavor obviously.

What could possibly go wrong?

[–] Iheartcheese@lemmy.world 11 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

Hrm let's roll those dice

[–] uis@lemm.ee 10 points 3 days ago (1 children)

20

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 9 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Everything is coming up Tagalongs.

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago

Better than nothing but Trefoils

[–] Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Mystery flavor obviously.

Obviously!

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

This Man Fucked

[–] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place 37 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I don't know how people mess around on the dark web. I used Tor to bounce around onion sites back in ~2011 and learned my lesson. I haven't been back on since. Eff that. First of all, way too slow and finding sites is a pain. But even when I did find sites, it was too dangerous and creepy. I rather not even know what's on there. I can get obsessed with how shitty humanity is.

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 30 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Unfortunately, it's currently the most reliable way to get LSD and MDMA..... :'(

Never though I would miss my shady AF dealer from the '90s and '00s

[–] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 10 points 2 days ago

Seeing the extremely affordable insulin for sale on a dark web marketplace was my biggest takeaway from my quick poking around. That on its own should be incredibly damning

[–] Psythik@lemmy.world 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)

So long as you're tech-savvy it's not hard at all to make a safe, secure purchase (or so I've heard).

[–] KyuubiNoKitsune@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Apparently the German cyber police have replaced enough peers to now be able to identify clients

[–] dai@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Ehhhh, mental outlaw made a video on just that topic a few hours ago.

TLDW: people didn't update packages for illegal tings, glowys rolled up.

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Yup. My takeaway from that video is:

  1. Don't do illegal stuff
  2. If you do illegal stuff, don't get chatty about it

The more packets they have to work with, the more likely they can track you down.

So if you're going to buy illegal stuff, make sure the website is as simple as possible (so less packets flying around for things like images) and keep the transaction short.

[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

So ... don't deliver to Germany?

[–] chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 62 points 3 days ago (2 children)

If this was real I'd be interested in the details. Did anon accept fiat or crypto? Were the boxes advertised mainly on the darknet itself? Or clearnet, and if clearnet how did they get users that know wtf an onion link is or how to use it? Were the police alerted by an irate customer calling the police near the return address, or were the cops buying the cookies as a sting operation?

[–] Johanno@feddit.org 19 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Yes! All of that.

Probably not true at all....

[–] Dragonstaff@leminal.space 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Nobody just gives away $200, and buying a "mystery box" from an anonymous stranger is the same thing.

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Plenty of people do though. When you're advertising a mystery box for $200, the average person won't be interested, but there are plenty of whales who just have to know what's in it.

[–] Dragonstaff@leminal.space 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Perhaps "nobody" is slight exaggeration. But I guarantee that more people would buy Girl Scout cookies for $5 than a mystery box for $200.

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago

Sure. But OP doesn't care about absolute numbers, they just want to sell a dozen or two.

[–] j4k3@lemmy.world 22 points 3 days ago

circle honey jerk pot.

almost beats gun buy backs used for 3d printed money

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 26 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I would've sent nothing and kept the boxes

[–] Shou@lemmy.world 67 points 3 days ago (1 children)

But that would have made it illegal. You at least need to deliver.

[–] crowbar@lemm.ee 6 points 3 days ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (1 children)

Contents: flavoured air, hopes and dreams

[–] Worx@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 1 day ago

Call it gamer girl flavoured air and it's worth $200 again

[–] rockerface@lemm.ee 16 points 3 days ago

Wholesome sibling energy