this post was submitted on 20 Mar 2024
495 points (96.4% liked)

The Onion

4493 readers
839 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 20 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works 53 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Takes off safety

Annoying tiktok voice: "You won't believe what happens next!"

[–] NegativeInf@lemmy.world 11 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] renrenPDX@lemmy.world 1 points 8 months ago

I hate that I can say this out loud perfectly.

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 3 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

shoots someone by accident

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no no no no no!"

[–] SpikesOtherDog@ani.social 39 points 8 months ago

Ate the Onion for one whole second.

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 27 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Imagine having to watch an ad before reloading

[–] LifeOfChance@lemmy.world 7 points 8 months ago

Or having to buy the ammo strictly through the tiktok shop

[–] hydroptic@sopuli.xyz 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

To reload please drink verification can

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 4 points 8 months ago

Please solve the captcha before firing your next shot

[–] HubertManne@kbin.social 9 points 8 months ago

hilarious. kinda feels like it would work.

[–] xilliah@beehaw.org 8 points 8 months ago

With the sniper rifles you hear the tok before the tik.

[–] rgb3x3@beehaw.org 7 points 8 months ago (2 children)

They joke, but it would likely work. Become a defense contractor and the US government will let you do anything

[–] MyNamesNotRobert@lemmynsfw.com 3 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

And they really do mean anything. They're even allowed to assassinate potential whistleblowers.

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 8 months ago

But just "making rifles" doesn't make you a defense contractor without a contract to supply America's "defenses" with arms. And if they're made outside the US they'll be subject to import laws and could be blocked that way like Russian guns.

[–] Kedly@lemm.ee 5 points 8 months ago

This article title could legitimately make me "eat the onion" if I hadnt noticed the thread name its that good

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 4 points 8 months ago

They'd still be banned in Washington State as of January 2024.

[–] Finalsolo963@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 8 months ago

Holosun moment

[–] reddit_sux@iusearchlinux.fyi 2 points 8 months ago

I can see this happening...

[–] Linkerbaan@lemmy.world 2 points 8 months ago

Does the sound alternate for each round

[–] Jimmyeatsausage@lemmy.world 2 points 8 months ago

That headline slays like a lonely white guy in a grade school