this post was submitted on 30 Nov 2023
334 points (98.8% liked)

Not The Onion

12358 readers
310 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] TootSweet@lemmy.world 45 points 11 months ago (2 children)
[–] treadful@lemmy.zip 48 points 11 months ago (1 children)

It was his.

The Ohio Supreme Court suspended an attorney who defecated into a Pringles potato chip can and then tossed it into a parking lot of a crime-victim advocacy center.

https://www.cincinnati.com/story/news/politics/2023/11/29/ohio-supreme-court-suspends-attorney-over-dropping-poop-filled-can/71739810007/

[–] Nepenthe@kbin.social 15 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (3 children)

Not that he isn't a dickhole, but...that'll...show them...? How did anyone else even notice this enough to care? Someone so poorly underpaying the cleaner guy that he opened a discarded parking lot pringles can in search of food?

[–] flumph@programming.dev 24 points 11 months ago

He drove past the ... victim advocacy center ... and was captured on surveillance cameras throwing the can into the center's parking lot. One of the center's employees ... saw Blakeslee throw the can from his car and recovered it in the parking lot... [and] called police to report the incident and the attorney was eventually charged with misdemeanor counts of disorderly conduct and littering.

[–] empireOfLove@lemmy.one 9 points 11 months ago (2 children)

If you pick up what is supposed to be an empty can and it weighs like a pound and a half.... you're gonna be curious and look inside at least once.

[–] Exusia@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

Not anymore.

[–] Nepenthe@kbin.social 2 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I am so absolutely not doing that, no. Maybe it's a whole pound of free cocaine. Maybe god finally smiled on me and it's a very ill-planned potato chip bomb like that experiment where you use a whole potato to power a light bulb. Probably it's some kid's lost gravel collection.

Whatever it is, it's not going to be something whoever had the can last was dying for anyone to have and I don't get paid enough to care.

[–] Tyfud@lemmy.one 2 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

My guess is that it exploded and caused a mess. There's no way that held together. Pringles cans are literally made out of paper thin cardboard with a little bit of glue holding it all together.

[–] jwt@programming.dev 2 points 11 months ago

Well, poop analysis showed there were wolf hair and pieces of credit card in it. So, still inconclusive.

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 24 points 11 months ago (4 children)

How do you poop while driving? How do you poop into a Pringles can without missing the can?

[–] ____@infosec.pub 24 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I understood it as “pre-prepared poop Pringles”

[–] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

We keep talking like it was planned but maybe it was a crime of passion.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago

Passionate pringle pooping.

[–] Sanctus@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

There are two types of people in this situation. Those who avoid the speed bumps, and those who target them.

[–] mateomaui@reddthat.com 4 points 11 months ago

New skill unlocked.

[–] snooggums@kbin.social 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] LucasWaffyWaf@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

Big Police Squad energy there.

"Who are you? How did you get in here?"

"I'm a locksmith, and I'm a locksmith."

[–] Thteven@lemmy.world 20 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Pringles come out, poop goes in. You can't explain that.

[–] DarkThoughts@kbin.social 3 points 11 months ago

Fucking Pooringles. How do they work?!

[–] hactar42@lemmy.world 20 points 11 months ago

Blakeslee tried to explain away his behavior, saying he hadn’t targeted Haven of Hope. Rather, he claimed, he was indulging a frequent habit of his, having done the deed at least 10 other times that year.

That somehow sounds even worse to me.

[–] Tygr@lemmy.world 18 points 11 months ago

So many questions I don’t want to know the answers to.

[–] MxM111@kbin.social 16 points 11 months ago (2 children)

This is appropriately posted into au.sports section on yahoo.

[–] alphacyberranger@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago

The olympics gonna be wild next time.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 15 points 11 months ago (1 children)

The article says he has been practicing law since 1976, if he finished law school at age 25 he is 72 years old.

I don't know what to do with this fact. There is a +72 year old man doing this.

[–] Justas@sh.itjust.works 2 points 11 months ago

Ah the 70-teens

[–] Send_me_nude_girls@feddit.de 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)

That's some next level Pringles guerilla marketing.

[–] jedibob5@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago (3 children)

I know they say all press is good press, but I don't know if Pringles wants their brand to be associated with a cardboard tube full of shit...

[–] nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 11 months ago

Always has been.

[–] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago

As bad as feces is at least it is biodegradable. Even insects and bacteria won't put Pringles into their body.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Sdnimm543 13 points 11 months ago (6 children)

He DEFICATED in a pringles can! and he gets to be a lawyer? what a sick joke!

[–] rubythulhu@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Not just one. The article says he did it at least 10 times previously in that year because throwing pringle poop is a habit he likes to indulge in.

He said this to a judge, to make the point that this was not a directed attack against the people who owned the property, as a legal defense. He just likes to throw pringles cans full of shit into parking lots. this was never about “them”, he just likes to throw poop canisters. What’s the big fucking deal, your honor? i’m just indulging in what makes me happy.

[–] AFreeLarryHoover@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

Came here hoping for some chicanery.

[–] themusicman@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

He threw it out the sunroof!

[–] brihuang95@sopuli.xyz 4 points 11 months ago

I should've stopped him when I had the chance! And you – you have to stop him! You-

[–] DarkThoughts@kbin.social 3 points 11 months ago

Saul Goodman.

[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

and he gets to be a lawyer?

No, title is quite clear that the Piero Manzoni wanna be got suspended.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] TubeTalkerX@kbin.social 12 points 11 months ago (1 children)

And here I thought this was America, land of the Free…

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Daft_ish@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago

What is the world coming to where a man can't poop in a can and toss it out their car window in an act of defiance. Damn Bidens America!!!

[–] Godric@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago (2 children)

The ole Chicago Pringle Can, good one Jimmy!

[–] ExfilBravo@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

Slippin' (in shit from a Pringles can) Jimmy.

[–] Exusia@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

He SHIT into a PRINGLES CAN!

[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 7 points 11 months ago

Did he manage to poop in the can, or was it a two step process? As in he pooped somewhere else and then shoveled the poop into the can?

[–] samus12345@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago
[–] ArugulaZ@kbin.social 5 points 11 months ago

Police were suspicious when they noticed the can smelled better than actual Pringles.

[–] M0oP0o@mander.xyz 4 points 11 months ago

Forget the trowing part, I can not stop thinking about this man shitting into a pringles can (I hope that is how he loaded it).

[–] LillyPip@lemmy.ca 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Whenever I feel bad about myself, an article like this pops up to remind me that despite all my flaws, I’m not the guy throwing faeces in public like some random monkey. Thanks for that.

[–] Dozzi92@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

I’m not the guy throwing faeces>

But you could be.

[–] LillyPip@lemmy.ca 4 points 11 months ago

Yeah, but I hear the bar exam is a bitch.

[–] kool_newt@lemm.ee 3 points 11 months ago

This isn't news! News would be a Pringles can not full of poop.

[–] treadful@lemmy.zip 3 points 11 months ago

Sounds cathartic.

load more comments
view more: next ›