The question that leaps to my mind is why would that idea have occurred to her in the first place?
this post was submitted on 24 Nov 2024
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Relationships are no jokes. Neither is racism. Depending on how I feel about her, the video might leak. I would certainly not stay.
Big red flag to me.
Sounds like she is making a "joke" in poor taste while also fishing for your take on the things she is joking about.
or perhaps it's something sexual. Power imbalance Idk.
A red flag.
Sharing dangerous ideas with somebody to show that you think they are safe is an honest signal of trust, but only if the dangerous ideas are genuine.
Someone who attempts to buy trust disingenuously is not to be trusted.
Someone who thinks in terms of kompromat and manipulation is dangerous to be around.
She is treating the relationship and trust as transactional. No bueno.
Obligatory "this some young people shit".
Young people do and say stupid shit to come off as edgy and the vast majority of them don't actually mean it and regret it later in life.
As to your question, that's why you date people, to see if they're good, for you and otherwise. You don't go "red flag!" -> napalm!!!, you evaluate contexts and repeat occurrences of perceived wrongs.
That being said, it's a huge red flag and you don't need a repeat occurrence to end the relationship.
Sure, but this is also a weird miscommunication. Why do this crazy trust exercise when you can instead have honest conversations? This sounds like the relationship is going to be based on proving yourself to the other instead of genuinely getting to know them.
If I received this, I'd show them me deleting it from all my devices and ask them to never do anything like that again, because you never know what could be exposed in a breach. I'd also tell them if any of that was genuine, we would need to end the relationship.
It's a twisted romantic gesture. I like it. Being partners in crime strengthens the bond between two people.
Sounds like a red flag with a white circle and a black symbol within. But also romantic. They're not mutually exclusive.
As some say, romance is death...
She's probably great in bed. The crazy ones always are.
To all you younglings out there reading this, crazy chicks are fun but they will ruin your life.
Never stick your dick in crazy.
I can corroborate this as well firsthand. Shit had its amazing highs but set me back years and nearly tore apart everything in the process. It's just not worth it
To all you bi/gay/etc younglings out there, never get stuck with crazy dick.
Truth. There's often no safe exit strategy either. Once the deed is done, you are in grave danger.
Don't be a fool, use your tool
Vasectomies can help. But be prepared to move, change your number, and switch jobs.
You mean the ancient far eastern peace symbol? So romantic.
The Windmill of Friendship also boosts love!
RED FLAG.
No sane person does things like that.
Absolutely insane.
Just get a tattoo of their name like the rest of us.
Preferably a face tattoo
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I have a fleeting suspicion that this girl now thinks, because of her own action, she can do this to you now as well. OP, be careful what you share with her because ruining someones life is an option in her book...
This is kinda unhinged in my opinion.
But then again, I grew up before social media, maybe this is the ultimate proof of love now? I don't know.
Anyway, putting herself completely at your mercy is not a good start into a healthy, mutually respectful relationship.
Yup. I don't want blackmail on them, and I don't want them to have blackmail on me, because if the relationship goes south, one of us (or both!) will resort to the nuclear option.
Protect yourself and build a relationship based on respect. Trust is earned, not ransomed.
Either unhinged or brain rotted from a steady diet of Tiktok videos. Or both.
Ya, maybe this isn't her first time either...
Sounds romantically intended with some really fucked up and distorted ideas mixed in. I'll take as given that she doesn't actually hold any of the racism she expressed as sincere beliefs. Part of you twigged that though she seemed to be trying to be nice in a really weird way, something seemed off and it is a bit off. If you imagine she mailed you a knife and a key to her house and said now you have the power to attack me and I'm vulnerable you'd probably see much more clearly and obviously how unromantic and off-putting and psychotic that is despite following a very similar logic.
In both these scenarios she's putting her life in your hands to demonstrate trust, but there's an implicit suggestion there that you would or could ever do something like that and only don't because of your undying devotion. There's a kind of twisted view of humanity there that that ruining someone's life on purpose with kompromat is something people generally do to one another but for the power love to zovercome it. It's sort of a red flag that she might think that way but really you know her better than any of us and also whether you think she's good for you. That she decided this would be a good idea and a nice birthday gift is disturbing enough that it's probably worth bringing up though. I think if it was me I'd probably express appreciation for the sentiment but also delete the video and tell them I had done so. Unfortunately you could never prove that you have deleted it so her messed up little game will always work in the manner that she intended but the extent to which this is something to worry about long term is something you can evaluate from her reaction to this news and your explanation of why it didn't feel right. Sometimes people do dumb shit, especially when they think they've spotted an opportunity for comedy and can't see their actions in a different light until after they've done the stupid thing. There's a chance here for this stupid thing to be a memory between just the two of you that neither of you has to worry about again so long as you point out that it wasn't as romantic as she thought it was and also delete whatever email or communication was used to send the video plus the video itself. If she's able to feel a bit embarrassed and move on you're probably fine, if she digs in and gets offended and tries to play similar fucked up games, then you might want to consider getting out before things escalate.
I think the crux of it will be, would she respect OP's refusal to have that kind of power over her, and would she expect some sort of reciprocal act for some MAD outcome.
I'd wonder where she got ideas like that and find out if it's an integral part of her life.
Bright, shining, blinking, scrolling, red LED-illuminated flags m'dude.
She needs some therapy on boundaries and impulse control by the sound of it. Then again I'm going off a 5 second read and not a lifetime of experience so I am conceding that I do not know anything for certain.
I would say 'hey, out of respect for you I am deleting this video, thanks for the gift, please get me a gift card to XYZ next time'. But yeah, first time? Give her the pass. If it happens again, GTFO.
Maybe she's secretly hoping he'll use it to sexually blackmail her. That is a kink some people have.
Personally, I’d delete it in case relationship took a turn for the worse. I wouldn’t want to be tempted to ruin someone’s life out of jealousy or a broken heart.
I see both sides. As off-putting as it is, the intent of showing complete trust and vulnerability should not be overlooked. Maybe just ask them to dial it back to a less offensive method of demonstration.
Cut off all communication with this girl, now!
ummmm....
Definitely just put one of my eyebrows through the ceiling.
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