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AP retracts an article saying that JD Vance didn't fuck a couch. 🤣
We cannot for certain prove if Mr Vance has indeed conclusively fucked said couch or not. The AP apologizes for providing a potentially inaccurate statement that Mr Vance did not fuck that couch.
"I did not have sexual relations with that couch" he said
Many people are saying it.
I've heard that too.
I like this part:
But there’s also technically no proof that Vance didn’t have sex with a couch — there’s no way a journalist could truly know that. He just didn’t write about it.
We all need to take note that couches are incapable of consent. This was not a loving act. JD Vance raped that couch and who knows how many others.
He's remained silent on this issue for far too long. Why is he ducking these allegations?
Somehow, the soft furnishing #meto campaign failed to get any real traction.
X accessibility options do not take the reasonable requirements of it upholstery limited users seriously.
Somehow, the soft furnishing #meto campaign failed to get any real traction.
It's 'cause they've got those fuzzy pads on their legs. Makes 'em slide around.
Wow blaming victims for the way they dress. Welcome to the 1980s
Given the questionable state of the media in the US, I kind of wish they'd go all out and just start using Trumpisms.
You know, that sort of stuff. It couldn't be worse than 2 weeks talking about Biden's age while ignoring that Trump is only 3 years younger; or jumping on every Biden brain-fart while ignoring Trump's constant stream of incomprehensible mouth diarrhea.
Edit forgot a "t"
Some people say he's a pedophile. Good people, the best people. Trust me, believe me.
I'm not saying it, but some people are.
They tell me, with tears in their eyes, "Sir," they tell me, "That Vance guy's a pedophile. He's no good." Lots of people are saying it.
You got it mixed up. Trump likes young girls, as he said sometimes too young, and is therefore a pedophile. Vance fucks couches, but the age of the couch has not been conclusively determined.
logorrhea
I spotted it here but it was already gone from AP's site, so I was wondering what that was all about. Now the removal of the news of the weird denial is now news itself - Newsception!
Yeah it’s making its rounds enough that I had to Google where this originated. It’s hilarious
Does he like them elegant?
Or Sporty?
He prefers the first one, cuz if he squints hard enough those windows in the background look like two klansmen watching him go to town, which is the only way he can cum.
Lol. I have vision issues. So thought it was just me seeing the klansman
TIL JD Vance lived in Vancouver at one point.
When I was in high school, a guy devised a sex toy from a rolled up towel, a food service disposable glove, a bed, and lotion. He called his invention a Fifi. We were at a military academy where bad kids with whits-end parents got sent. I wonder what happened to him. Maybe he invented real dolls when he grew up.
Haha. I forgot all about a Fifi. I found out about Fifi's while deployed on ship. Glove, towel, lotion, and belt. The belt was to wrap around the towel up so it doesn't unravel in the middle of using it. A couple dudes made them and was showing them to the rest of us. I ended up making one later.
My brother's best friend was at University in the early nineties and it was the birthdays if one of the guys he shared a house with so they all rushed into his room and shouted "surprise" but they got the surprise as he was humping a cut off shampoo bottle lined with a warm, wet flannel that he'd jammed between his mattress and bedframe.
I imagine they'll eventually find an ancient, improvised Fleshlight at Pompeii because as long as there are have been horny teenagers, there has probably been homemade vaginas.
Pompeii is actually someplace you probably wouldn't find one, considering it was packed with brothels.
When I was in high school, we carved a hole into some sort of melon and one of my friends took it into the bathroom for $5. I doubt he did anything to it, but who knows. He was like 16.
I'm going to start a news website posting articles with absolutely true titles that really sound like they really could have happened. Like this:
"Donald Trump did NOT send a picture he drew of a giraffe to Mokgweetsi Masisi, President of Botswana"
"JD Vance did NOT fornicate with the Ikea LINANÄS Sofa, with chaise/Vissle dark gray"
"Mitch McConnell was NOT the victim of a failed Neuralink attempt from Elon Musk who was trying to communicate with The Mole Men "
Not the News
Maybe I'll start a community. "NotNews"
Do it please. I want to laugh a little.
Done. Come make me laugh too. https://lemmy.world/c/notnews
Gotta link it with the exclamation point for people on other instances !notnews@lemmy.world
Thanks. I’ma ding dong
Why is it programmed that way?
I assume it's because different instances are on different domains, so a naive link won't take you to your instance if it's some other one. Like on on ttrpg.network and you're on lemmy.world. for me the link points to https://ttrpg.network/c/notnews@lemmy.world
You could try to parse the link and figure out if it's a Lemmy destination and replace it with your instance, but how would you know? That sounds error prone.
You could have a special syntax for linking to other instances, but that's what the exclamation point thing is.
You could maybe have each lemmy server check if you're signed in somewhere else and redirect you, but that also seems error prone. What if you're signed into two different ones?
I don't work on Lemmy so this is guesswork.
I'm going to sub my way out of mental illness
You can’t spell mental illness without me
Or "lenient smalls".
Darn, I have to wait for fedia.io to federate. The community can't be found 😢
Edit: just took a while, it work now! !notnews@lemmy.world
Subtext: one of our lazy-ass contributors who only writes garbage about tweets sent in their usual dreck and we rubber-stamped it as we always do. Then somebody rich saw it and asked our director about it, and now it’s all this.
Overt text: shocked_pikachu.jpg
Couch Fucker.
The fucking (ha?) double negatives everywhere in that article make my head spin
Don’t knock it till you try it first