Ask Lemmy

I work at a bank call center. One time I had someone call to check the balance on an account they recently opened with us. The bank I work for is regional, and this caller was on the other side of the country. The account number they gave pointed to an expensive private school in our area. When I asked for more information, the caller said they gave someone 500$ to open the account for them, and that person gave them some checks from us with that account number. I got my lead on the line, did some more Q&A, and we determined this person had been scammed, and given fake checks. The lead said they would close the account. The next week I get a direct message from the fraud investigation team director asking me why this account wasn't closed. I was able to provide a screenshot of the message from my lead saying they were going to close the account. They thanked me and that was it. I went to check on it, and over 60,000$ in fraudulent checks had cleared the account in that week. I've only been working there a few months, and I'm 60,000% sure they would have dropped me like a hot potato on the spot.

As a Ukrainian, I can't even imagine ever dodging a bigger bullet than when I left Ukraine before the war started..

If I had stayed there I'd have to either constantly hide from the "draft officers" or risk my life trying to either (of course illegally) cross the border to Romania through mountains/rivers or to the occupied territorries. Or I'd just be dead already from a shell..

Literally life versus death decision.

Was playing with firework artillery shells once in the 90’s on a farm. One of the launch tubes fell over and my friends watched in horror as I had won this little “spin the bottle”. A large shell careened by my face within a few centimeters.

I still can taste the copper and feel the impact that smashed my face and caused me to die in that other timeline. Terrifying.

I'm from Israel.

I was abroad on October 7th.

My most recent ex and her family. She was pushing for marriage toward the end of the relationship but I was getting sick of her crises of the week and her horrible family. I eventually saw a therapist that helped me realize that my ex was abusive, so I ended it with her and went no contact. I then went on a 6-month dive into learning about narcissists and abusive relationships. Once I learned that, I started noticing all of the fucked up shit she and her family did. They were seriously legit psychopaths. They were so bad that if they came out in a documentary about psychopaths, I would feel validated. I would think, "Yep, the world makes sense."

Looking back, the way her two brothers-in-law behaved made so much sense. One was was a complete anxious wreck. I never saw him last more than 15 mins in any social gathering with the family, even leaving his own wife's birthday party at his house once her family arrived. He also didn't allow anyone to be physically behind him, was typically alone even in social events, and always carried a gun. The few times my ex and I offered to help him with something, he was quite suspicious and declined. I was never able to meet up with him one-on-one no matter how many times I tried to reach out to him over a period of about 6 months. I'm almost certain that the sisters did not want that to happen, so they sabotaged any chances.

The other brother-in-law was clearly disassociated from reality. You could tell by looking at him that he seemed to not be mentally there. It was like he was somewhere else in his mind. His eyes wouldn't focus on objects, he would not have emotional reactions to things, and had a fake smile on no matter the situational discomfort. Think of people yelling at each other, a horror movie playing at full volume, and something burning in the kitchen, yet this dude is calm and smiling like everything was great. It was odd. Towards the end, he was dropping hints at me like, "I have never seen [your ex] care about how her behaviors affect men," and told me that, "To survive in this family, you need to understand the Stockdale Paradox." Btw, the Stockdale Paradox was a mental approach that an American POW in Vietnam used to survive imprisonment while others died. He would also send me songs that were quite depressing, almost as if they were a call for help. I remember thinking that he was trying to tell me he was in pain through songs but couldn't directly tell me for fear of his wife (my ex's sister) finding out.

In retrospect, both brothers-in-law were prisoners. The anxious one was in permanent fight-or-flight mode, while the other one was implicitly telling me the hell he was in. I think about the latter from time to time. He was a good guy surrounded by psychopaths. Imagine the hell someone is living if they need to engage in POW tactics to survive their spouse and her family. It would not surprise me in anyway if I found out that guy killed himself one day.

I learned the real meaning of "don't stick your dick in crazy". It's not that they will get obsessed, stalk you on social media, demand attention, or break your heart. It's that your judgment will be clouded and that will prevent you from protecting yourself, ultimately seriously ruining your life. Those two men are stuck without a way out. However, let's say that if by some miracle either of them escape, they will never fully recover. The emotional injuries they have suffered have caused permanent damage.

tl;dr: the bullet I dodged was imprisonment with a family of legit psychopaths.

Was walking home one night and a bit less then a block behind me, I heard multiple loud rifle shots, turned around a saw a group with at least one person collapsing, others either trying to help him, maybe also falling down and others running.

Did not get the best glance at the victims, as the car with the guy half hanging out of it with a draco was now speeding down the road toward me, firing a few more shots vaguely toward the group.

I ran around a building and down a hill as fast as I could.

Whilst having a panic attack, a techbro walking a tiny dog takes out one ear bud and asks 'Was that a car backfiring?'

I am quite winded, catch my breath a bit and say 'No, gun shots, drive by, get INSIDE.'

He then gives me a look of disgust, yanks his dog away from me as if I am a threat to it, puts his earbud back in and walks up the hill, toward the scene.

Its a long story, but this imgur post shows when I literally dodged a bullet by being a lazy gamer who doesn't put her games away.

my wife and I were driving to some appointment and we thought we heard gunshots but we're driving.

So I wait in the car and listening to tunes and the guy parked next to me asked if someone was shooting at me and pointing to my door. My window was down all day so I was like what?

He pointed again and I got out to look and on the top of the window frame of the door is a odd angled hole. It was something powerful but not at the right angle to go more than the first layer of steel.

Totally bizarre. IDK if it was a bullet for certain but IDK what else would make a hole like that in a car

The greatest thing I remember that might qualify is way back in the day when Rainbow Six Rogue Spear came out, I had it on N64 and there was no PvP in that version, but there was co-op and friendly fire; so my friend and I would just kill all but 1 of the bad guys in a random small room, and leave him there so we could fight each other.

At one point he came around a corner at me and I fumbled the controls and just looked straight down; but because your model bent at the waist when doing this, I basically Matrix dodged every round he fired at me and was able to look back up and nail him.

Literally dodging figurative bullets counts, right?

I was the second to last pilot to fly an airplane before it suffered a catastrophic engine failure. The pilot after me put it down in the woods. The plane was a total loss but he was okay, worst injury he had was a scratch on the legs walking through the brush to get out of the woods.

Me and my buddy were hiking up a trail one day kinda high and as we get up the mountain we hear multiple gunshots right near us enough to be legit scared that some crazy asshole is going 'most dangerous game' on our sorry stoner asses and FUCKING BOOK IT down the mountain. My fat ass learned how fast a body pumped full of adrenelane can really move that day.

As it turns out there was a gun range nearby. So ultimately a nothingburger but a fun story to remember.

When I was a teenager, I was hanging out with my brother who is 8 years older while he was fucking around with his .45 (probably ostensibly cleaning it) and it was pointed towards me when for some reason the slide suddenly released and the live round that was inexplicably involved jammed in the mechanism.

So I mean, I guess I didn't dodge a bullet, but I think I got pretty lucky.

The bullets I've been dodging are small things. Mormon missionaries coming over trying to get young blood to join them. I've gotten better at saying no and politely lying about not having time for them. Saves me a lot of headache.

Seemingly innocuous activity. I was changing the band on my watch.

Watches have a little spring-loaded pin that goes through the band and in to the bezel. I had the spring compressed with some needle tweezers and I was removing the band when the tweezers slipped. One side of the pin was still seated in the bezel, but the other side was free, and pointed right at my face as I was leaning over this watch to work on it. The pin shot straight into my eyeball.

Or at least it would have if my vision was better. It hit my glasses instead, with enough force to leave a dimple in the polycarb lense. Lesson learned, wear safety glasses when working on anything that could possibly get launched, sprayed or blown into your eyes.

In a semi-literal instance, I was nearly shot in my eye with an airsoft gun because they fucking blind fired around a corner and I wasn't wearing eye protection. Got hit right at the edge of my eye socket. You bet your ass I wrote eye protection after that. Doesn't mean we weren't all still angry at the guy because we told him not to do that before we even started. And this was the reason why. Even with eye protection you still don't want to get shot in the face. It hurts like hell. We didn't have full face masks.

Went to a job interview for a position I didn't want. It was the most honest interview I've ever given and surprisingly didn't get the place. Ended up starting my own business instead and while it's too early to tell wether it's going to be succesfull or not, I'm still glad I tried. Had I got that job I wouldn't have.

Well there was a SCUD; a misfiring mortar system; an IED; a negligent discharge with a machinegun; a fire in the ammo stack for the mortars; the several times I almost got thrown from a humvee while off-roading; an artillery rocket that actually hit our position; a midnight ambush (but it was really badly done, like comically bad); several patrols where the one in front of us or behind us got hit by large IEDs; and uhh that one time we drove through a minefield in a sandstorm.

Which time do you want to hear about?

Maybe the time I was headed to lunch with a friend. There was a Mexican restaurant we frequented in a strip mall with a gas station at the end closest to an intersection. We have the green light to cross the intersection as we approach when a shootout occurs at the gas pumps. We were going to turn in right next to the pumps, but my friend geared up and floored it. Yes, geared up. In a diesel. He spent another 15 minutes escaping the danger before asking where we should eat. I told him the safest place was probably at the Mexican place as every cop in town was likely in route.

Friend and I were sitting on a top of a small mtn, hear gunshot in the distance, rural area didn't think about it too much All of a sudden we both hear a wizz and a ricochet between our heads.. Look at each and run.. That was scary.. ..Edited for clarity.. Sorry..

I was playing around with electronics from the trash with my brother. We found a lamp with what we figured was a broken fuse. To test this theory, we wanted to take the fuse out of the system. So what do we do? I hold the cables together using two pliers. Our theory was right. But I ended up slightly shifting the wires so they weren't in contact anymore. Suddenly 240v were traveling through my arms and my muscles tensed, causing me to grab the pliers really tightly, unable to let them go. My brother saved my life by being smart and cool headed enough to just unplug the lamp after 2-3 seconds. I dont think I ever came closer to dying than that time.

I was seriously considering accepting a remote job where they apparently make their employees install spyware so the employer can see employees through the webcam to make sure they're at their desk working.

I was 19 years old when a random chick literally asked me if I wanted to fuck her one night that I was jogging at the park. Like the typical virgin that I am just smiled and kept running... She was pretty, I should've just bit the bullet, especially since my sex life is non existent now.

Used to ride a motor scooter. Riding home, I turned left through an intersection and I hear a huge CRASH behind me. I pull into a parking lot and turn around, there's a white Jeep in the intersection flipped up on the drivers side door.

If I had been a hair slower, I'd have been squashed.

My ex wanted to get back together with me. We went for food, I insisted on splitting the bill. She blocked me afterwards.

Making the long drive back from where I grew up, to where I live now. about 1.5 hours into a 9 hour car ride. On a two lane highway going through some rolling hills, a grass median with a small metal divider separating the lanes. I am traveling up over a hill that rounds to the right, before turning back left and going down the hill on the other side.

As I am heading to the right around the first corner, I see a burst of dust, following quickly by a large black SUV, that has lost control on the curve, ripped right through the metal barrier, and is headed directly at me. I swerve to the right (thankfully nobody was in the lane next to me), and this SUV barrels right past me, without a hint of slowing, missing me by inches. It would have been a 70 mph+ head-on collision, but instead it sailed right past me (and I mean sailed. it was airborne as there was a small ramp up to the highway from the median, I remember how the tires looked like they were outstretched, reaching for the ground, as it rocketed past me).

I was shaking like a leaf for minutes, had to call my mom just to excitedly ramble at her until I calmed down. If I had gone up the hill any slower than I had, I wouldn't have had time to swerve.

Many MANY years ago when I was a child I woke up to use the restroom and my parents were sitting on the floor not realizing I had gone to the bathroom until after and as I came out they had me go over to them on the floor and I fell asleep on their laps. It wasn't for DECADES later that I learned what had happened. There was a drive by and they were waiting on the cops to show up. 4 houses were hit. I fell asleep and got moved back into my room just before the cops got there

When I was ~19yo, we went to a rave and I let a kid I didn't know borrow my glow sticks. He lost them and gave me caffeine pills to try to compensate me. Cops saw the exchange and made me pull them out of my pocket. I had ecstasy in the same pocket and got lucky that I didn't pull out the wrong pills (while rolling face).

When I was 18yo, someone tried to rob us at gunpoint for acid we were selling. Cops got involved and bluffed to both me and my roommate that the other had admitted to selling pot and that was the robbery (we weren't selling pot, so both didn't admit to anything). The cops dropped the sheet of acid that was hidden in a porno box when they searched our apartment and we found it on the floor.

In either case, I could have gone to prison for enough time to destroy my future.