this post was submitted on 08 May 2024
140 points (86.1% liked)

Funny: Home of the Haha

5660 readers
367 users here now

Welcome to /c/funny, a place for all your humorous and amusing content.

Looking for mods! Send an application to Stamets!

Our Rules:

  1. Keep it civil. We're all people here. Be respectful to one another.

  2. No sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia or any other flavor of bigotry. I should not need to explain this one.

  3. Try not to repost anything posted within the past month. Beyond that, go for it. Not everyone is on every site all the time.


Other Communities:

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
all 40 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] radix@lemmy.world 55 points 6 months ago (1 children)

He's holding the pussy, she's gobbling the wiener. SFW edition.

[–] Blooper@lemmynsfw.com 0 points 6 months ago

That's clearly an ice cream cone

[–] crt0o@lemm.ee 15 points 6 months ago (2 children)

The cat carrier stays on during sex

[–] stoicmaverick@lemmy.world 2 points 6 months ago

At her request.

[–] MadBob@feddit.nl 1 points 6 months ago

"Cat carrier" vs "puss papoose"

[–] neo@feddit.de 13 points 6 months ago

While she sucked the last drops from his cone, her pussy was a bit afraid of what was happening, but felt strangely comfortable and secure in that bondage on his body

[–] BigMikeInAustin@lemmy.world 12 points 6 months ago

My human mech suit.

[–] VelvetStorm@lemmy.world 11 points 6 months ago

I dont have a title I just want to say I want that cat carrier and this guy is clearly livin his best life.

[–] foiledAgain@lemmy.world 11 points 6 months ago

Put my pussy on you while I swallow this sausage

[–] thisisbutaname@discuss.tchncs.de 10 points 6 months ago

A millennial couple, 2055 AD

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 9 points 6 months ago

"Don't keep cats upright like that because their spine isn't designed for that kind of in this case vertical pressure." isn't a funny title :(

[–] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 7 points 6 months ago

The way she isn't holding the corn dog by the stick makes it so much worse somehow.

[–] 4am@lemm.ee 6 points 6 months ago

She didn’t want to carry hers anymore so she ate it

[–] Polarsailor@kbin.social 6 points 6 months ago

Seeing Russia's columns stalled on the road to Kyiv, General Sergei Shoigu realizes the invasion of Ukraine will not be the three-day war he had dressed for.

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 6 points 6 months ago

Deepthroat exposes cat trafficking cartel.

[–] mojo_raisin@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago

Nancy Reagan, who briefly dated Christopher Walken's father before marrying the former president, shown here explaining how politics really works.

[–] Zier@fedia.io 5 points 6 months ago

Sheryl: "I told you it's your responsibility to walk him if you were going to get a pet." Cat: "I am walking him, I'm just afraid he will run off again."

[–] Tikiporch@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago

Guy who gets more pussy than you. Cat unrelated.

[–] Mango@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago

Let her lick other popsicles. I'm dripping with pussy.

[–] toomanypancakes@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago

True love! Deepthroating unrelated

[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago

Cat Furry: oh look! Here’s me with my parents when I was only a toddler

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 3 points 6 months ago

open your miiiiiind

[–] CritFail@lemmy.world 3 points 6 months ago

Convince humans that you aren't a stork with this one neat trick!

[–] EdibleFriend@lemmy.world 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes." The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion. The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating. The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish. First guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm. Second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him. Third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions. The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish. First guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him any more. Second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already. Third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around. The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.

Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years." Second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed." Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says:

"Guys, I think I fucked up."

(thats the title now.)

[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 4 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Valiant submission Sir, but I'm pretty sure titles have character limits.

[–] SanndyTheManndy@lemmy.world 1 points 6 months ago

Not if it's for a light novel...

[–] EdibleFriend@lemmy.world 1 points 6 months ago

Fuckin socialism.

[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 2 points 6 months ago

High school sweethearts growing old together, going for a walk. Pay no mind to the deepthroated hot dog or the cat baby.

[–] TotalFat@lemmy.world 2 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Cat: Help me!

Husband: Kill me!

Wife: Shut up and buy me another corn dog!

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 2 points 6 months ago

Keeping the romance alive

[–] MeDuViNoX@sh.itjust.works 2 points 6 months ago

Date night at the sewage treatment park.

[–] BoxerDevil@lemmy.world 2 points 6 months ago

Karen and Billy Bob's first date

[–] Monument@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 6 months ago

From the makers of Baby Bjorn, we present the Kitty Jeaorn.

[–] steakmeoutt@sh.itjust.works 2 points 6 months ago

Total pussy grabbing drip

[–] DarkThoughts@fedia.io 2 points 6 months ago
[–] NeoNachtwaechter@lemmy.world 1 points 6 months ago

It's a BOY!!

[–] Phen@lemmy.eco.br 1 points 6 months ago

Opposite day.

[–] Patrizsche@lemmy.ca 1 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

ITT: Sex jokes

[–] TastyWheat@lemmy.world 1 points 6 months ago

During that moment, Bob remembered why he does this.