this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2023

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No Stupid Questions

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AITA for doing a GoFundMe? (Details within.) (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 year ago by FlyingSquid@lemmy.world to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world

66 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Living in the U.S. here, so non-American advice may not be the best thing for me, not sure.

I am living with an undiagnosed serious illness (haven't eaten for 45 days.) I am off work on FMLA, which is a thing businesses in the U.S. offer to their employees where you can taker time off and they will keep your job for you, but you don't get paid. We are not exactly poor, but we are going to be surviving for at least a month on a single income. That will be hard, but we'll make it if we cut back.

HOWEVER.

I have $1000 in medical debt, which will just keep climbing, and I also have a cousin who says that he can get me into the best hospital in New York- I'm in Indiana and we're not exactly at the forefront of medicine- to get thoroughly tested. I cannot afford either of these things. We do not have temporary disability insurance.

I have a lot of friends and relatives who might donate, but I feel like such an asshole asking for money. Especially when my wife is working and has a decent job. I've done everything I can since I was 18 to make it on my own and, while I have had to take handouts in the past, it was at the 'this or starve' level, and my doctor hasn't run out of tests to do on me yet, so I wouldn't quite put it like that. And what if the money isn't enough to go to New York and pay for all of this testing? Do I give it all back?

So should I do a GoFundMe? What do you think?

Please, please, please, please do not give me medical advice. I really really do not want medical advice from strangers on the Internet. I leave that to professionals. But I would love this bit of AITA advice.

TL;DR - Very ill, not working, in debt, possible solution in another state. Should I do a GoFundMe?

(page 2) 21 comments

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[–] cabbagee@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Is your condition stable, slowly worsening, or critical?

Before you do anything, talk to your doctor. They might be able to recommend a specialist in-state or closer than NY. They may even be able to work with a doctor in another hospital. If you want to go to NY, talk to the hospital directly (not through your cousin) and buy the ticket as close as possible. Unless your condition is severe and worsening, they may not be able to take you in immediately. Look at the hospital online and see if they have telemedicine services. You might be able to make an appointment through that.

Lastly, for the incoming medical bills my advice is this:

See if you qualify for financial aid through the hospital.
Get an itemized bill and ask if there's anything that can be reduced.
Get the lowest payment plan that you can. Never miss a payment. After some time you might be able to pay it off a reduced bill or it may even be forgiven.

Edit: Also, NTA as many people have said. Best of luck, friend.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Apart from my losing a lot of weight, which is to be expected from not eating and I'm overweight anyway, it's stable. As far as specialists, believe me, I've tried. No one has an appointment open within the next three months. But the medical bill advice I really appreciate. Thank you.

[–] Nibodhika@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

I don't think making a GoFundMe for that is anything bad, in fact I'm of the opinion that it would be better if it was only a single GoFundMe that everyone is forced to contribute depending on how much they earn, and then everyone can use that, it would be a way to get the public to have access to healthcare, so we could call it public healthcare system, I think almost every other country in the world has a version of this which is why even if you hadn't mentioned places I know which country you're from.

As for the answer to whether you're the asshole is: It depends. Do you vote for politicians that oppose public health? If so then you're the asshole, you're saying that you are special and you deserve to have your treatment paid for you whereas other people do not. If you vote in favour of politicians that support public health, then you're not the asshole, because your vote indicates you're willing to do the same for others and had the people you voted done what you wanted you wouldn't need that GoFundMe, nor would anyone else in the same situation.

[–] dandroid@dandroid.app 1 points 1 year ago (5 children)

You are absolutely not an asshole for needing help and asking for it.

Too often people need help but refuse to ask because of pride, embarrassment, or some other reason. To need help and ask for it is brave, not shameful.

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[–] IchNichtenLichten@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Get the best treatment you can, worry about the bills and a gofundme later when you have a clearer picture of what's up.

[–] rufus@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Be honest with people, tell them about everything and let them make the decision. Don't pressure them, avoid peer pressure in the family.

It's not shameful to ask for help. Just use the money for the intended purpose and I'd say it's alright.

Get well.

(Disclaimer: I'm not from the USA)

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh, I would never pressure them! I'm kind of afraid to even ask in the first place which is why I posted this, so pressure isn't even a possibility.

[–] rufus@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Yeah, I figured you'd be a person who also doesn't like to pressure people. I just said it because for me that would be the factor that distinguishes a noble thing from a bad thing. And since you're not doing it, I cannot see it being bad per se. It's just an invitation from your side.

I think it would make me very uncomfortable too. Asking for help isn't something I do. And asking for money makes it even more uncomfortable.

But sometimes things just suck. And I'd say familiy and friends are supposed to stick together and sometimes help each other out.

And judging by how many people I've seen on Reddit who suffer with some kind of mental struggles and don't talk about it (to real-life people) or ask for help, I think most people aren't good at asking for help. But they should.

[–] ChoosyChooChoo@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Have you tried speaking with the hospitals patient accounts department? A lot of hospitals will offer discounts, or even financial assistance, which could help with part or all of the bill.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Not yet, but they seem to be letting me take my time for now thankfully.

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