this post was submitted on 28 Sep 2024
460 points (95.8% liked)

Greentext

4322 readers
1161 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 137 points 1 month ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 98 points 1 month ago (2 children)

"Good for you, but what does that have to do with the job?"

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] pocopene@lemmy.world 63 points 1 month ago

Respond super excited, like when you meet someone who shares the same niche hobby than you: "I like girls too! So tell me, what have you found to be the best technic to eat pussy?"

[–] Nomecks@lemmy.ca 56 points 1 month ago (2 children)

A thespian you say? Why, I was in a production of Hamlet myself!

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

E tu, brute?

[–] Hideakikarate@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Thespians? Aren't those illegal in 7 states?

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 5 points 1 month ago

Omg if they wear the clothes off the opposite gender

[–] AnarchoSnowPlow@midwest.social 51 points 1 month ago
[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 44 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What prompted that disclosure? Could she smell the horniness emanating from Anon? Did he, as he noticed she was a woman, give off a vibe like a starving cartoon wolf imagining the main character as comprised entirely of sausages?

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 13 points 1 month ago

I believe he started vibrating 15,000 Hertz. A totally normal response in the presence of all women, not the sign of a weirdo at all.

[–] eran_morad@lemmy.world 40 points 1 month ago

“I, too, am a connoisseur of fine pussy.”

[–] MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de 39 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I respond by hoping I'm a girl in this scenario. Anon forgot to specify.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] echodot@feddit.uk 33 points 1 month ago

Yeah this didn't happen because there's literally no reason to bring that up. Unless OP was being creepy which is totally possible given the website.

[–] dylanmorgan 31 points 1 month ago

“Hi, Lesbian, I’m anon.”

[–] LouNeko@lemmy.world 23 points 1 month ago
[–] Zoomboingding@lemmy.world 21 points 1 month ago

"Hell yeah I like chicks too!" go for a high five

[–] StinkySocialist@lemmy.ml 21 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

"me too"

Final answer

[–] zloubida@lemmy.world 20 points 1 month ago

And I'm married, so I'm kind of asexual (at work), so we're ought to be friends!

It's probably a way for her not to be flirted with. To protect herself. So I'd say something reassuring like that.

[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

In this case its a bit different but what i see is that everything is oversexualized but the effect of that is people are actually more lonely because every social interaction you have with anyone who could be a sexual partner automatically becomes strange.

[–] fckreddit@lemmy.ml 19 points 1 month ago

Anon must address her as “Lesbian” for now until eternity, considering that’s all she is.

[–] cpw@lemmy.ca 19 points 1 month ago

So, do you pronounce the full name, "lesbian", or do you shorten it to "les" or something?

[–] Zementid@feddit.nl 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Sorry that you feel obligated to mention this based on your past experiences. I hope our interactions are professional. Please let me know if I step over a line... my jokes are sometimes a little off but never misogynistic maybe a little dark, but I work on it.

With that out of the way ... my Name is Anon, I am happily married. Now.. let's Beginn =]

[–] jabathekek@sopuli.xyz 18 points 1 month ago

Hi Lesbian, I'm Anon.

[–] No1@aussie.zone 17 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

"Well, then I now identify as a woman, girrrrl!"

Oof. That seems inappropriate on so many levels. I think it offends pretty much everyone.

[–] paddirn@lemmy.world 17 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

“Sounds like we have something in common.”

[–] bamfic@lemmy.world 17 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Shrug is the only correct response at work. Or maybe "that's nice" to be more polite.

[–] Scubus@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 month ago

Or "noted" or just "ok"

[–] krashmo@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Is that polite though? I get that it isn't explicitly rude but I pretty much only use that phrase as short hand for "why are you talking about this you fucking weirdo?" I think it's subtly rude at best.

[–] BallsandBayonets@lemmings.world 18 points 1 month ago

Most politeness is about rephrasing rudeness in a subtle way. What OP's fictional coworker did in this fictional story is explicitly rude as it assumes the worst from meeting a new person, the most appropriate response would be something that is subtly, but noticeably, rude.

[–] mriormro@lemmy.world 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If a team lead, sight unseen, just tells you their sexual preference without any context or follow-up then yeah that's fucking weird and they're a weirdo.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] echodot@feddit.uk 4 points 1 month ago

You need to say it slowly. "Okaaaay"

Maximum devastation

[–] redisdead@lemmy.world 17 points 1 month ago

"I wasn't interested"

[–] Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org 15 points 1 month ago
[–] 100_kg_90_de_belin@feddit.it 14 points 1 month ago

It's time for anon to drop the classic dad joke

[–] itslilith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 1 month ago

This is infinitely funnier if OP is a woman

[–] NuWuX@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 month ago
[–] Mechaguana@programming.dev 11 points 1 month ago

What's your best pickup line?

[–] caboose2006@lemmy.ca 9 points 1 month ago

"Don't flatter yourself"

[–] Alpha71@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

"Ma'am, this is a Wendy's..."

[–] unreachable@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] ByteOnBikes 4 points 1 month ago

"Well damn! Scissor me timber girl! Let's duck under the table and 69!"

"Hi Lesbian, I'm Moss"

[–] Kecessa@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 month ago

Let's compare notes then!

[–] match@pawb.social 6 points 1 month ago
[–] blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 month ago

"Oh, that makes sense."

[–] AFC1886VCC@reddthat.com 4 points 1 month ago

"THAT JUST MEANS SHE LIKES WHAT I LIKE"

  • Tourettes Guy
[–] eestileib@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"Me too, let's make out and adopt a pit bull"

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

If this is the US, straight to HR. 🤑

[–] sirico@feddit.uk 4 points 1 month ago
load more comments
view more: next ›