Check out Wierd Al's Mission Statement for a primer
this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2024
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George Carlin also has a bit of just corporate jargon stapled together to make a short little speech.
Sweet
Where's unlock?
My least favourite was my company motto of "Personal, Simple, Brilliant." It was supposed to be an ethos that ran through the whole company. It was actually just what management expected front line workers to be towards customers, regardless of whether the business leaders were making decisions to screw over the customer and the front line staff or not.
The amount of times I asked for support only to be shot down and laughed at when I told them "Well, that doesn't sound very personal, simple or brilliant to me." when speaking of their management culture.
I'm fucking mad that I hear many of these every day and ENGLISH IS NOT MY FUCKING MOTHERTONGUE YOU FUCKING FUCKS
Same, but to be honest.. attempts to migrate some words to your own language can also get very awkward.
For some unknown reason the phrase "thought leader" drives me crazy.
How do you feel about “Leading thought leader”? 🤮
what are “new verticals”? do i even want to know?
They are opportunities for increasing shareholder value through innovative and disruptive market-leading practices.
I mean not necessarily, they could just be ways to expand profit centers by increasing pipeline opportunities through net new MQLs
🤢🤮
Agile and synergize aligned itself into this chat.
look at this guy being proactive
It's interoperable, baby. It's how we get to "done" by energising ourselves, being more agile, adapting to new models, and advocating on behalf of--
Okay, I can't do anymore I'm repulsed.
I hate you for writing that. I hate that those words are present in my daily work life. Fuck corporate language.
Let’s table that for a second and circle back to it. Help me understand why you hate me for writing that. What can I do to help? Consider that our goal is to maximise our efficiency by staying in our lanes, escalating where required, and providing all necessary language to our partners for transparency’s sake.
LOL I’m really sorry to do that to you bud but it’s fun to laugh at the way we have to talk in corporate world
I cannot tell you how many bosses Ive had/ heard say they are going to have a moment of "radical kindness" and then proceed to just RIP into their employees until they cry.
Corporate double speak is wack.
This sounds quite specific for something you had to experience multiple times. Hope the people are ok and you found something better to work for.
I'm in full swing of a job search and I painfully relate to this image
No way, this is a great reference chart. All the actionables have been curated into one place.
We’ll circle back to this next week.
With actionable deliverables
To move the needle
Alternative title how you know you need to find another place to work
The one I hate most: "Art of the Possible".
To be fair, Game Changer was a great strain. Very creative, me an a bud enjoyed some an launched into DND world building for an hour an a half
Makes me wanna logout life
Self-uninstall
Unsafely eject drive
Grit. I worked at a massive tech company that found this one and it was fucking everywhere. I don't mind the basic concept of it, but it was just in every conversation for like 2+ years.
This shit makes me want to start a cult in the woods so I can live completely isolated from corporate culture bullshit
Description, GIF of a giant pile of tires on fire in a field with lots of black smoke.
I don't understand why business people do this to themselves. I quit working for large organizations in favor of smaller companies that pay less, because at least there's much less of this. It does get unbearable.
Lingo is a powerful social tool. Once you know to look for it, you see it everywhere.
Some lingo is always necessary for jobs to communicate complex ideas quickly. Everyone has terms and phrases used in their profession that are exclusive to it, as well as some that are exclusive to their workplace. People outside of their job don't know the lingo, those inside do. In this way lingo is a double-edged sword: it eases communication, but creates a social barrier between those in the know and everyone else.
In an increasing number of places this isolating side effect has been used by certain groups as the motivation for them to contrive lingo. For a long time this was largely relegated to cults and other fringe groups that wanted to shore up the feeling of togetherness of the people within and keep them away from outsiders.
The big change was when groups found that by constantly changing the lingo they could induce two other effects: the exclusion of outsiders and exerting control over existing insiders. The MBA/business types are a prime example of this. For people in or seeking to be a part of the group knowing the latest buzzwords is a must, and not knowing them or using outdated ones opens them up to being ostracized. People who are "in" must constantly stay up to date, thus staying attentive to the trends of the group. At the same time people with a casual interest or interaction are actively dissuaded by how often unfamiliar words are used by members of the group.
This sort of weaponized use of lingo is much more widespread these days. Once you see it in this case you can find it in just about every flavor of modern political group and online forum. If you find a group that seems to always be changing its buzzwords, buyer beware.
The only thing I would disagree on is that lingo is a recent phenomenon. That's just recency bias.
The Catholic Church used Latin at mass from its inception to the mid-20th century, and the oldest Greek versions of the Bible already use some words we simply have never seen anywhere else.
Philosophers have always been a notorious PITA with using existing words or close derivatives of existing words with different meanings, sometimes the lingo is specific to a single author.
And let's not even get into judicial lingo and its very ancient and storied use of disenfranchising the less fortunate who did not speak it and could not afford a lawyer to speak it for them - that is when the court system wasn't in Latin.
Corporate lingo takes more room in our lives as large corporations take up more and more of the economic and political landscape (with some interesting evolutions in form thanks to the influence of Globish). That's it.
The only thing I would disagree on is that lingo is a recent phenomenon. That’s just recency bias.
Ever-changing lingo is almost certainly a recent phenomenon, as the pace and frequency of communication has changed drastically recently.
It's difficult to get a new buzzword to float to a massive audience without mass communication. More recently, the president can invent a new buzzword (e.g. one I remember viscerally is "WMD"s which I swear I had never heard before the run-up to the Iraq war) and have social media, mass media, and individual people saying it in under a week.
I also think this is partly why "Gen Z speak" sounds so strange to my ear. When I heard "rizz" I knew without looking it up that it was invented and dispersed in online circles. Sure, there have been other generations with their own lingo, but other generations didn't cook up country-wide or even worldwide lingo that can be directly attributed to one YouTube personality or another. Growing up I very, very rarely heard people using online subculture speak (e.g. l33t sp34k) in real life because we all knew it would sound fucking stupid.
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