Relationship Anarchy

Huh, I read it very differently. He doesn't seem to argue pro adultery. He seems to argue that adultery happens because we live in closed relationships even though we are naturally polygamous.

I'd agree with them on that, cautiously. The 'one and only love' is very much a cultural trope imo. I've lived in a polygamous relationship for a while and have comfortably loved several people at once. Love is a big thing, and I'd rather see it spread among more people, and once one gets beyond the culturally imposed jealousy it's rather beautiful.

What I don't agree with is the equation of work in relationships = work in oppression. Or the assumption that just monogamous relationships need work (I'd call it conscious effort). This whole 'a relationship takes mental energy from me and therefore must not exist' - that's stupid. Everything I do (that's not eating or sleeping) takes mental and/or physical energy, but ultimately I get to choose my activities even if that be a relationship with whatever number of partners involved. And anyways, any relationship - friendships, roommates, work partners - involves some effort of all involved. To equate that work with oppression? Okay I guess that is narcissist.

Ultimately I would like to see the scheme of 'appropriate relationships' widen and at some point dissolve, until the 'who you are with' isn't even a question anymore - but in our own heads we are so far from that utopia that many of us will probably have to put some work in (to dissolve the old ideas of appropriateness?) or be alone.

Just like the shoplifter, the rioter, and the suicide, the adulterer makes only half a revolution: he violates the decrees of authoritarian convention and law, but in such a way that they remain in place, still dictating his actions-be those actions obedient or reactive.

It's written to provoke. I'm just afraid those who could do with a little provocation might not find or understand this text. I know that where I live, among the not so progressive people adultery is definitely a thing. Marriage is sacred, divorce is shameful, and so people do the most horrific stupid dances and hiding games when a little life or the big horny or love strikes them. Some gay relationships end up being secret like that. Southern Europe very rural, still very catholic, and people have to resort to adultery it seems. Now if I were to translate this text and laid it out in the local chapel, people wouldn't really know what to make of it. So for whomst is this text? Angry young anarchists I guess?

I really feel the points you make, but

It is the writing of a narcissict.

this is something I would not say of someone I dont know. Mostly because I dont know their circumstances. I also think that being open about ones needs or wishes regarding non monogamous relationship structures is harder for some than for others, because peoples oppression can intersect with that.