this post was submitted on 04 May 2024
253 points (91.5% liked)

Not The Onion

12200 readers
814 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] DrSleepless@lemmy.world 124 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

"Accidentally"

The List

  1. Danny Devito
  2. Danny Devito
  3. Danny Devito
[–] WhatAmLemmy@lemmy.world 73 points 6 months ago

Oops. I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong.

[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 93 points 6 months ago (5 children)

Apparently, some women are making comprehensive "sex lists" on their phones, i.e. writing down everyone they've ever slept with.

What?

Also here's my list:

[–] tabris@lemmy.world 48 points 6 months ago (3 children)

As a gay man, most of my list doesn't have names. Why would I remember their names? Some I didn't even ask.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@literature.cafe 50 points 6 months ago (8 children)
load more comments (8 replies)
[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

I'm a straight man, but I used to work for a shitty hotel. One year they had a gay leather convention. So the hotel was sold out from out of state gay men wearing leather.

Well, I saw the greatest moment in hookup history. I was checking some guy into his room. Another guy says "Hi, I'm Tom. Are you single, and ready to play?"

And the other guy said "No. I have many boyfriends, but we're all ready to play. Come up to room 215, and bring friends. We'll make it the best room in the whole hotel!"

Which quite frankly is absurd. Room 215 is generic on it's BEST day! It's no room 321, that's for sure!

Still though. I watched a guy go from "Hi, my name is...." to ".....and thats the orgy we're hosting!" All in 2 sentences. And it was SMOOTH!!! Even I was like "Damn....I should check out this orgy......oh, right........it's all guys."

When you see how efficent that orgy proposal was, even the Germans are impressed.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] totally_notAcat@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Oh wow I have the same list.

[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 8 points 6 months ago (3 children)

I have a list like that. It's important to keep track. because I want to remember things for the sake of remembering them. If I don't write them down I will forget. also when someone asks you how many people you've slept with, you will have the number readily available.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 15 points 6 months ago (5 children)

I just keep an integer and update it each time.

Sometimes I have to decrement it. Those aren’t the best days.

load more comments (5 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] postmateDumbass@lemmy.world 4 points 6 months ago

You say there is a data literacy problem underlying data security?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Coreidan@lemmy.world 85 points 6 months ago (12 children)

People keep sex lists? The hell?

[–] Pringles@lemm.ee 30 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I had a friend at university who was in quite a long relationship who kept a list of people she wanted to sleep with in case they broke up. So when they eventually had a break up, she postponed getting back together until she had cleared the list, which took her about two months. I was not on the list, in case you're wondering, nor did I want to.

[–] Coreidan@lemmy.world 40 points 6 months ago (2 children)

For real? That’s both sad and creepy.

I hope the other person in the relationship bailed for their own sake.

[–] Duke_Nukem_1990@feddit.de 5 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (9 children)

That’s both sad and creepy.

How is it either of those things? Let people fuck who they want to fuck as long as it is consentual, who cares?

[–] Coreidan@lemmy.world 41 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (10 children)

“Hey babe. I made a mistake. I want to get back together.”

“Sure no problem! Me too! I just need to plow through this list of dudes I’m gonna fuck first.”

Seems like an awfully shitty thing to do to someone that’s genuinely interested in you.

[–] EatATaco@lemm.ee 3 points 6 months ago

You cheat on someone: you're a worthless piece of shit.

You don't get back together with someone because you want to have sex with other people first: you're sad and creepy.

One can never win when it comes to sex in a puritanical society, unless they very faithfully only have sex with one person.

load more comments (9 replies)
load more comments (8 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] viking@infosec.pub 27 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I'm more curious if it's a to-do or have-done list.

[–] EatATaco@lemm.ee 6 points 6 months ago (3 children)

You know, you could just read the article.

[–] TheFriar@lemm.ee 15 points 6 months ago

Bah. Hogwash.

[–] viking@infosec.pub 3 points 6 months ago

I read the auto-summary, which didn't mention it. Guess the bot isn't perfect.

I try not to visit websites that have 100+ trackers installed. Naturally I block them, but I don't even want to give them the traffic.

[–] Bremmy@lemmy.ml 13 points 6 months ago
[–] dumbass@leminal.space 10 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, but not on fucking paper like an idiot!
You keep that list stored in your mind palace's secret vault.

[–] sebinspace@lemmy.world 6 points 6 months ago

Secret? Mandy Moore and Ann Kendrick. There, you have my list.

[–] tegs_terry@feddit.uk 5 points 6 months ago

Gotta make sure I don't bang the same hoor, Chaalie!

[–] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 4 points 6 months ago

Oh course, but you're coming off mine with that attitude, buddy!

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 60 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] ZeroCool@vger.social 28 points 6 months ago (1 children)

The B.A.R.R.Y.M.O.R.E. System

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 28 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

The D.R.E.W. system

be D.irected by D.anny D.eVito

wR.ite your sex list on the back of your script

E.ntice your host

W.in the dick out of his pants.

That one sucks, let me try another

D.emand you can stay at his place

R.evise your previous lovers on a list

E.licit sexual actions from your host

W.rite his name on your list

[–] sygnius@lemmy.world 44 points 6 months ago (1 children)

That would've been the best opportunity for Danny DeVito to update her list with some pretty funny companions...

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 27 points 6 months ago (4 children)

I just want to know if Danny Devito was on the list.

[–] loonsun@sh.itjust.works 19 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Why do you think she was at his house?

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 10 points 6 months ago

His was the only name.

[–] cley_faye@lemmy.world 8 points 6 months ago

It was the only name on there.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Thrashy@lemmy.world 20 points 6 months ago (3 children)

I highly recommend the Kill James Bond episodes on Charlie's Angels which break down just how much of each movie is basically just (executive producer) Drew Barrymore perving on her co-stars.

[–] Summzashi@lemmy.one 4 points 6 months ago

I wonder if she crept on the boy without balloon played by Rich Evans

[–] Zahille7@lemmy.world 4 points 6 months ago

I want Drew Barrymore to perv on me

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] TheFriar@lemm.ee 10 points 6 months ago

Ouch. “The 50 first dated actress.”

Low blow

[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 10 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (5 children)

How many people would you have to sleep with to need a list to keep track? Like I've had a lot of partners but I don't need them writen down

[–] GenderNeutralBro@lemmy.sdf.org 7 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Sometimes it's the other way around. You keep a list until it gets long enough (or you get old enough) that you don't care anymore.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (4 replies)
[–] Maeve@kbin.social 6 points 6 months ago

Precluding the instance of STI after having unprotected sex with several partners in a relative applicable time frame, just why?

load more comments
view more: next ›