Ferrets are fun, high-energy "stinky slinkies". They require all those mammalian things like frequent food and water and space and toys and companionship. They need fairly active babysitting if you're away from home for more than a weekend.
Parakeets are the most delicate creature here. They can't be handled like the others and need a perch and cuttlebone, some temperature control, and even good quality air.
Pigs are smart and though I'd love a little beer buddy, as others have said they never stay little. Older pigs can need a lot of space and simulation and companionship or they can become very irritable and destructive.
Bearded dragons are pretty easy going and great pets. Like any lizard they need good temperature control but otherwise they don't require a ton of space and not nearly as frequent food and stimulation as a mammal. But they're easier to interact with and less delicate than birds. Clear winner.

For those who like this topic, check out Clint's Reptiles on YouTube. He's a biologist with episodes on "Is X the best pet for you?" and has already covered all of these (as well as far more exotic things like spiders and cobras).

https://youtube.com/@ClintsReptiles?si=90-4ztCzDmiO2SHs

[–] UziBobuzi@kbin.social 15 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Just a nitpick, that bird is not a parakeet. It's a female eclectus parrot.

There are a number of parakeet species so referring to a bird as a parakeet isn't specific. The most common parrot kept as pets are budgerigars, or budgies. Which is the one I think you were referring to.

Parrots being a special interest of mine I had to drop this on impulse.

[–] Deconceptualist@lemm.ee 3 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Thanks! I thought I was using the correct family or clade term, my bad. I'd never heard of a eclectus parrot before, but she sure is pretty.

[–] UziBobuzi@kbin.social 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

All parakeets are parrots but not all parrots are parakeets.

Eclectus are gorgeous. The males are emerald green with orange beaks. They have the most sexual dimorphism of any of the parrot family.

[–] BloodSlut@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

when you say cuttlebone, is it the same as from a cuttlefish? if so, is it like a chewtoy for the bird?

[–] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 5 points 9 months ago

Yep, it's the internal shell of a cuttlefish. It provides some calcium for the bits they eat, and helps the bird polish their beaks. Plus they get a little bit of stimulation and exercise pecking at it.

[–] LaserTurboShark69@sh.itjust.works 13 points 9 months ago

Usually I go for the fire starter pokemon but electric lizard looks pretty cool

[–] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee 10 points 9 months ago

Ferret, I choose you!

[–] TheColonel@reddthat.com 8 points 9 months ago

Pig. Cute now, food later.

[–] Xtallll@lemmy.world 7 points 9 months ago (5 children)

Birb, now someone tell me why I'm a monster for choosing.

[–] Nemo@midwest.social 6 points 9 months ago

There will never be enough meat on that baby to make a decent meal.

[–] numberfour002@lemmy.world 6 points 9 months ago

The birb is an Eclectus parrot. I've got a totally different perspective and opinion than some of the other comments you received. And that opinion is: They make terrible pets and are not really suited for the general public.

The basics of their care (food, water, shelter, medical treatment, cleaning, maintenance) are all pretty reasonable to accommodate.

Their psychological needs are a whole order of magnitude harder to provide, and can almost rival the time, attention, and energy needed for a young child. Depending on the age of the bird you adopt, you could be signing up for 20 - 30+ years of commitment to an animal that may ultimately not form a bond with you, is much more intelligent than a cat or dog in a lot of ways, and can pretty easily make your life nearly as miserable as its own. If they aren't happy, they will make sure that you aren't happy either, but keeping them happy can be a job in and of itself.

Now if you have experience with keeping similar birds in captivity, are well-educated on how much goes into their care, have lots of disposable income, and are fully prepared for the good and the bad, then you might do alright with one. But, if you're looking at them to be a "pet", then this is not a good option for you.

[–] BurnedDonut@ani.social 5 points 9 months ago

I look after two of these adorable birs when I was a teenager. They are usually alright. I don't remember anything bad about them or high maintenance care. You just need to be careful about handling them and their environment not to stress them to much. Only bad thing is their bite. They can rip your fingers off if you make them angry. I remember mines were breaking up the cage's metal bars just because they were bored. Other than that they are very clever and fun pets to have.

[–] JJROKCZ@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Gotta be prepared and committed, many parrot species have lifespans as long as humans. This isn’t a 10 year pet like a dog or cat

[–] wjrii@kbin.social 1 points 9 months ago

My WFH officemate is a 25 year old Cockatiel named Spike. He no longer really wants to come out of his cage, and on the rare occasion he does he doesn't so much fly as fall with style. That said, he's still spunky and loud and interactive and climbs all over his cage and has attracted interest from a local hawk on multiple occasions. He is my little buddy, even though my wife got him before we met. When he was younger, he would hang out on my shoulder (and poop on it) and could even be coaxed to fly over to me.

Definitely got the air cleaner running 24x7, though. SO MUCH dander.

[–] devilkitty@lemmy.world 3 points 9 months ago

My wife and I have a Moluccan cockatoo and an Indian ringneck.

Think of parrots as very demanding, often destructive, toddlers that never grow up and have no “inside voice.” They will make you thank whatever god you follow that you can get subtitles on your television.

[–] TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 7 points 9 months ago (3 children)

Pig all day every day.

I don't care if it gets to be 200 pounds, those animals are smart and clean.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago

I have one. He's a major pain in the booty. Part of the pain is because of his intelligence.

[–] Justas@sh.itjust.works 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Dwarf pigs exist, like kunekune of League of Pigs fame.

[–] Bigmouse@lemmy.world 8 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I don't think it is okay to call them that, even if they are police. AFAIK the preferred term is little people?

[–] Justas@sh.itjust.works 0 points 9 months ago

You got me I guess.

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago

Hope you have a big yard.

[–] ares35@kbin.social 7 points 9 months ago

behave or be bacon.

[–] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 6 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Ferrets are exotic? They're actually completely domesticated and easy to take care of. They're also a great combination of playful and low maintenance (especially when you have two and they can play with each other). I recommend them highly to anyone who doesn't have much of a sense of smell.

[–] pixxelkick@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Ferrets are not completely domesticated, and are indeed classified as exotic. It's extremely difficult to insure them (in many plaves impossible), it's primarily exotic specialized vets that can help with them, and though they are extremely friendly and fun, they are at best "half" domesticated. They are also banned in many countries and states.

Source: I have four ferrets and love them, but I also know exactly how putting your hand near a young ferret plays out every single time, and it takes months of training to get them to stop wanting to draw blood <3

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 3 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I actually really wanted a ferret but I was advised that you should get more than one so that they have each other for company.

[–] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 1 points 9 months ago

I had one for a while and he seemed pretty happy, but I think he was even happier later with a friend. I think if you're getting a ferret for the first time, you're better off getting just one because it's easier to re-home one rather than two if ferrets turn out not to be the right pet for you, but if you like the ferret then you might want to get a second one.

[–] Elaine@lemm.ee 5 points 9 months ago (2 children)

None. IMHO animals species that are not domesticated should stay in the wild.

[–] Xtallll@lemmy.world 16 points 9 months ago (1 children)

That piglet looks pretty domesticated.

[–] Neato@ttrpg.network 13 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Unfortunately there are no "small" pigs. They are babies. And they grow into giant hogs. Which is not an animal most people are prepared to keep. So I'd veto a pig on those grounds.

[–] SkyeCat@kbin.social 8 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

For what it's worth, ferrets are domesticated (from the European polecat) and generally speaking just die if they end up in the wild.

[–] Nemo@midwest.social 5 points 9 months ago

Piglet! Pet and emergency rations in one package.

[–] spittingimage@lemmy.world 5 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I choose the bearded dragon. I've heard they need a terrarium with a heat lamp and sand floor, but they're chill little dudes and you can give them the run of the house. Make sure they get plenty of variety of vegetables along with their food pellets and help with stuck shed from time to time and it's all good.

[–] mysoulishome@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago

Beardie is for sure best choice for the easiest pet. Parrots can outlive you and some need a lot of attention or bond with one person and hate everyone else…can be difficult behavior wise. Ferret is probably the 2nd easiest after beardie, I would think. I really want a pig but they don’t stay small, housing can be complicated…

[–] HubertManne@kbin.social 5 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I have a cockatoo I inherited and it taught me birds should not be pets.

[–] memfree@lemmy.ml 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Amen, brother. I LOVE parrots. I WANT to have them as screaming, demanding, insanely destructive friends, but it feels cruel to force them to live with humans. They care about their mates and their flock and humans are bad, inattentive partners for parrots.

If a human insists on avian friends, I'd suggest a small set of chickens outside in the yard. They are very domesticated, not endangered, and can rely on one another for most their socializing needs. You can even put them in diapers for visits in the house. Before considering, beware that all kinds of predators want to eat your pet chickens.

[–] Justas@sh.itjust.works 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Ducks and geese are probably fine but require a pond outdoors. And, you know, outdoors.

Some people nearby have a turkey, I guess that's an option too.

[–] memfree@lemmy.ml 2 points 9 months ago

I've done ducks. They are a lot of work. They're very messy, but have big personalities. They are adorable as ducklings but once they are grown you are -- at best -- just another duck to them. They don't want human affection if they have a flock. Geese, on the other hand will love you as MOM forever if you raise them from goslings. The lady here with domestic turkeys has some very affectionate examples, too, but I remember a book where the author raised wild turkeys and was attacked by one of the Toms once it was breeding age.

[–] VinesNFluff@pawb.social 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I'm curious. What happened?

[–] HubertManne@kbin.social 4 points 9 months ago

Oh nothing. Hes a funny little guy. He spent over 30 years with my father in law and is a little curmudgeon just like he was. Its just how they are. Birds have a territory that should be counted in miles not feet. This is true for dogs and humans to a much larger degree with birds. This is why taking a dog out should not just be about going to the bathroom but for stimulation and excersise. Folks that do not own a dog should go for daily walks really. Keeping it in cage is just no but you will have furniture and walls and stuff bit up if you don't. You can mitigate it a bit. I keep the walls around his cage covered in cardboard and we are lucky he is a bit cage bound so he generally does not roam to far (maybe because of the dog who is not mean to him but he basically yells at everything because curmudgeon.) They are messy with their food and poop and their dander is worse than dog and cat stuff. Definately need an air purifier for the house with them. Again though its just a feeling to me that these creatures really should not be bound to such a small area. I mean you can't take one that has for so long and set it free despite poetic talk around that, but I would never get one except in the scenario we have one where it just needs to be taken care of and I would avoid being the one to take that up if there was any way to avoid it. We maybe get a lot of benefit from them as they are smart and definately provide company but they just should not be bound. Oh another downside is they can be too much company. Loud and demanding. Again in a way far beyond what you will see with cat/dog.

[–] VinesNFluff@pawb.social 2 points 9 months ago

Ferret. Not something you can get in my country and they are cute noodles

~~Plus just like me they are prone to horrible digestive issues!~~

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 2 points 7 months ago

If I had the space, I’d want the pig.

[–] Smokeydope@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago

I love my beardie dragon Lizzy, she is one of the best companions i've ever kept super easy to take care of.

[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 2 points 9 months ago

Had top right. Her name was Kika. I adopted her out because with my work schedule she spent too much time alone.

[–] Varyk@sh.itjust.works 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I want the little weasel guy. Pigs grow up. I don't like how birds sound or act, too fidgety.

I could do the lizard too, since I feel like all those weasels are super high maintenance? I guess lizards need high heat though.

But I want the weasel guy. I can easily watch him run around and climb things all day, and then take a nap.

[–] Mr_Blott@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago

If I could change the parrot to a duck that'd be great