this post was submitted on 13 Nov 2023
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How often do you maintain your relationship with past acquaintances friends etc ? (lemmings.world)
submitted 11 months ago by gunpachi@lemmings.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
14 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

I know a lot of people but I find it really difficult to maintain contact with most of them. I can manage a few in my close circle and some acquaintances but definitely not more than 20 people.

It doesn't take much time for the gap to widen and before you know it they'll start treating you like a stranger.

So I was thinking whether there's something like the Forgetting curve for relationships.

Maybe finding out the optimal time interval can help me set reminders to connect with a few people now and then.

Well this was just a though that randomly came to me. I thought I'd ask the wonderful people over here.

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[–] tsonfeir@lemm.ee 18 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I pretty much always say yes when a person wants to hang out. But, I’m the kind of person who lets you call me. So, I maintain them poorly I suppose.

[–] root@aussie.zone 2 points 11 months ago

That sounds like me. LOL

[–] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 9 points 11 months ago

Well, I have ADHD... so once every decade, I'll give someone a call and talk to them as if we spoke last week. This is hard for a few of my friends but most of them are cool... and a fair few are fellow ADHDers.

[–] Snowplow8861@lemmus.org 8 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Who needs 20! Lol. Says more about me than you.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.mindoki.com 2 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

OP should have mentioned their age IMO.

For me it's wildly different like:

school/uni, git a job but no kids, kids&family, later.

Edit: age / where the are in life ofc.

[–] pixelscript@lemmy.ml 7 points 11 months ago

I don't, tbh.

Not out of any principle. I'm not, like, eager to be rid of past friends or anything. But if they slip away, well, it just be like that.

I'm more than content to Ship of Theseus my way through life's transient relationships. You keep some longer than others. New people take the place of long missing ones. That's just the cycle. It's fine. Just hang on to the ones you can, and that's enough. You can't keep them all around forever.

I'm always receptive to meeting old faces. But I'm not discoverable on any public socials, and I don't live where most of my old friends were. (And neither do they, for the most part.) So opportunities for it are extremely rare.

[–] setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

I have a number of people who I text nearly daily. With many of them it is often just wordless sharing of meme pictures but it keeps the contact fresh if either of us want to actually talk or meet up.

In the cases of the ones I want to keep the most we have exchanged backup numbers of family members, which we never use, but are there if one person suddenly stops texting for a long time.

[–] Devi@kbin.social 3 points 11 months ago

The easiest way for me has always been social media. If you have them on there you can both keep up with each other, comment occasionally on each others stuff, and then it's more organic to be like "hey, I haven't seen you in a while, do you want to go for a drink?".

[–] Aquila@sh.itjust.works 2 points 11 months ago

I was wondering about this recently too. Saw some good advice. It depends but whenever you miss that person that’s when you should reach out. Gonna be different for each relationship

[–] xilliah@beehaw.org 2 points 11 months ago

I wouldn't overthink it and just go with whatever feels right, so organically. Friendships constantly change and shift and that's OK. When I can't get what I need I'll go out and meet new poeple.

[–] JWBananas@startrek.website 2 points 11 months ago

Not often enough

[–] Goob_@lemmy.world 1 points 11 months ago

Personally, I don’t have many past relationships that I am interested in rekindling or maintaining. I have a small group of close friends, a larger group of not as close friends, and my family. Beyond that I have work acquaintances, but those are people you’re sort of forced to see and spend time with. We meet lots of people over the course of our lives. Some are there to stay, and others aren’t. Maybe you no longer have the same interests or worldviews. Maybe someone had a kid or got involved with a partner that took all of their attention. Are these people you genuinely want to reconnect with, or do you feel obligated to check in because of your history with them? In any case, it’s probably worth remembering that your brain can only handle so many relationships. In my case, I’ve found my relationship comfort zone and am very happy to have the people in my life that I do, and don’t feel a need to search for more.

[–] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee 1 points 11 months ago

I only have a few people I can do it with, and it's difficult because they moved when I did.

[–] bunkyprewster@startrek.website 1 points 11 months ago

I