this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2023
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The Onion

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[–] mustardman@discuss.tchncs.de 49 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

That's exactly what the Weeping Angels (or SCP-173) would want!

[–] DontTreadOnBigfoot@lemmy.world 29 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Looking more and more like the thing from Pan's Labyrinth every day...

[–] WarmSoda@lemm.ee 18 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

I'm a marine biologist. It's obvious he's moulting.
Its his radical final moult, metamorphosing from an aquatic nymph to a winged adult

[–] DharmaCurious@startrek.website 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Is that why he must consume the souls of all the children? For energy for the metamorphosis?

[–] WarmSoda@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

No, that's silly.
He consumes souls to power the deep machines in the darkness.

[–] DharmaCurious@startrek.website 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Ah, I see. And who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?

[–] WarmSoda@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

I'm just a humble marine biologist.
The sea was angry that day, my friends!

[–] FarceMultiplier@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 year ago

He has not yet attained his final formlessness.

[–] killeronthecorner@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

I always thought he looked like a half filled balloon

[–] 2scoops@lemmy.world 26 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I like to imagine that during these freezes, he’s actually having out of body experiences wherein he visits Hell, and sees the fiery fate and torments that awaits him when finally slips this mortal coil.

[–] Cabrio@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

It's just his handler touching base.

[–] aport@programming.dev 21 points 1 year ago

His entire team of staffers should be convicted on elder abuse.

[–] ElBarto@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 year ago

For a second I thought The Onion had become an actual news site.

[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

This article is written like an episode of Nightvale.

[–] BlinkerFluid@lemmy.one 11 points 1 year ago

"does anyone else hear a dial tone?".

the photo just does that

[–] HotsauceHurricane@lemmy.one 11 points 1 year ago

This is a top tier onion article. Up there with the hyperbolic chamber !

[–] marco@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago

He's like an old, cold Medusa.

[–] DrPop@lemmy.one 2 points 1 year ago