this post was submitted on 25 Oct 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 137 points 1 month ago (2 children)

my prostate would switch to happy mode and probably wouldn't be able to pee

[–] Im_old@lemmy.world 58 points 1 month ago (2 children)

It's difficult but not impossible

[–] cdf12345@lemm.ee 89 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)
[–] EightLeggedFreak@lemmy.world 49 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] rockerface@lemm.ee 21 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

You woodn't think it's possible

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[–] SexualPolytope@lemmy.sdf.org 15 points 4 weeks ago

You can cheat by doing it right after ejaculation.

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[–] jaggedrobotpubes@lemmy.world 120 points 4 weeks ago (4 children)
[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 47 points 4 weeks ago

Maybe she should try more quietly.

[–] M137@lemmy.world 29 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

It never stops being scary seeing adult and married people unable to do things you expect children to get right.

[–] tee9000@lemmy.world 38 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (2 children)

I dont understand how you dont question a jpeg. A child made this meme. It did not happen.

Now if it were a png, thats a good source. Theres a lot more transparency.

[–] rickyrigatoni@lemm.ee 18 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

This comment made me remove both my femurs.

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[–] theangryseal@lemmy.world 9 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (7 children)

Ehhhh, I dawnt reely no if it matters to much. Wut reely matters is that a purson can bee under stood. Thats the point of langwege.

I no a man hoo rites like this and calls PayPal pay pow, but he is a numbers jeenyus hoo duz complex calculashins n his hed like yoo hav nevur seen.

He can’t spell his damn name to save his life, but he’s a genius in ways that constantly blow me away. He draws complex diagrams by hand of every system he builds by hand. If anyone were ever to work behind him on something they’re very familiar with, they’d have to tear it all down and rebuild it because he just invents his own way as he goes. He has no real education either. I can’t imagine what kind of powerhouse he could be if he’d ever been afforded a chance to really learn.

I’d trade my abilities with written language for his skills any day.

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[–] nova_ad_vitum@lemmy.ca 91 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Still a better love story than twilight.

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[–] FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org 77 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (7 children)

The fuck is with these influx of censored memes? Is it to avoid some tik tok filter or some shit? I am just assuming since so many of this crap is recycled tik tok memes.

[–] wurstgulasch3000@lemmy.world 30 points 4 weeks ago

I will down vote each and every one of them, I know it won't do anything but fuck it

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 27 points 4 weeks ago (9 children)

Can't even say dingle anymore without being banned from Insta. Ducks sake.

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[–] TommySoda@lemmy.world 74 points 4 weeks ago (4 children)

I like how they censor the "C" in dick so it's just "DIK"

I found that funnier than the whole rest of it lol

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 18 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

dik was an animation studio once upon a time

[–] Hackworth@lemmy.world 26 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I instantly heard it. DEEK

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[–] IMNOTCRAZYINSTITUTION@lemmy.world 57 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

pissing all by yourself, handsome?

[–] bastion@feddit.nl 10 points 4 weeks ago

Not anymore.

[–] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 39 points 1 month ago (1 children)

aloud

That's quite the sound

[–] Walk_blesseD@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 4 weeks ago

Nonono, peeing is when stuff comes out. Sounding is when stuff goes in. Easy mistake to make.

[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 38 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Wrong community, this is shitposting, you want pissposting. Maybe even vintagepissposting...

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 17 points 4 weeks ago

You're free to repost to pisspost this shitpost

[–] paddirn@lemmy.world 29 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

I’d probably try outside if I was going to let a woman try to hold it and aim, otherwise they’re gonna miss from just piss-poor aim or I’d start getting hard and that would make it even harder to aim.

[–] Landless2029@lemmy.world 14 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

Yeah the shower is a much easier solution

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[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 29 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

A great shitpost about pee ... beautifully done ... now I gotta go pee ... by myself ... with no one holding my pee pee .. so they don't do a helicopter while I pee

[–] nifty@lemmy.world 15 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

You can hold it and copter yourself

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[–] terminhell@lemmy.world 23 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Tried this once, wife's aim was terrible. Was years ago, may try again at some point XD

[–] allidoislietomyself@lemmy.world 28 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

To be fair to your wife, we have been practicing with it since we were toddlers.

[–] howrar@lemmy.ca 12 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

And she's only getting half of the controls with no coordination between the two. She doesn't know how strong of a stream you're giving her and you can't adjust it based on where she plans to point your dick.

[–] TriflingToad@lemmy.world 11 points 4 weeks ago

You're quite the piss scientist I see!

[–] AlligatorBlizzard@sh.itjust.works 11 points 4 weeks ago (4 children)

Standing to pee is a learned skill. Trans guys who buy a stand to pee device are all recommended to practice in the shower first.

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[–] kindenough@kbin.earth 23 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

Reminds me of the almighty Hippopotamus doing the helicopter with his tail while taking a dump. Shit hits the fan. Shits supergreen too. When I see a pond full of algae I am careful, hippo might be closeby...

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 20 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

And the funny thing is, as over the top satirical as you're being, it's not actually bad advice. More people die from hippo attacks than sharks or alligators.

Hippos are big dumb assholes, but they are POWERFULL!!!! You don't fuck with hippos, you don't fuck with moose, and you don't fuck with polar bears.

You know that phrase about bears? If it's it's brown, lay down. If it's black, fight back."? Well hippos have a phrase too.

"If it's a hippo, fuck you!"

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[–] sachamato@lemmy.world 16 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

My wife asked for this. Lol

[–] HessiaNerd@lemmy.world 11 points 4 weeks ago

I've definitely let my wife write her name.

I'm going for a piss

Oh yeah, want some help with that?

[–] Ithorian@lemmy.world 12 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)
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[–] TastyWheat@lemmy.world 12 points 4 weeks ago

Preschool Memes need to die, you can say 'dick' on the internet for fuck's sake!

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