Somebody I care about has had an incredible event or experience in their life. Of course I care and want to hear about it.
this post was submitted on 16 Oct 2024
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I care, usually not very much, but somewhere above zero. It's good that they actually have something to talk about which therefore gives us something to talk about. Holidays overseas are a bit easier than kids because there's some relatability there but whatever they're talking about it's usually more the person talking about it that's interesting more than the thing. You're already friends, so you already enjoy their insights or way of talking about things and you've probably been there for a fair few of their important life events so it's nice to hear about the latest ones and how that's shaping then today as others shaped them before.
Because I don't have kids and wasn't on their vacation for me there is a natural limit imposed on just how interesting it can be hence saying I don't exactly care a whole lot, but it's usually at least enough to make sharing a beer more satisfying.
Autistic and I don’t care, but I do listen and I try to do it well.
For some stuff I don't care, some other makes me jealous and some other is actually cool to discover/learn (think of some new place to have lunch/dinner or some hobby you didn't know about your friend).
But in general I am with you, and I also feel like most people liking and commenting are playing the social game.
I am not very active in social networks, though...
A baby and a vacation aren't comparable.
Do I "care" about every little detail of their vacation? No, but I'm glad they are happy and had a good time.
People like to talk about their experiences, it's not really a game.
This feels like the wrong framing.
I dunno, I like my friends and them being happy about something tends to make me happy. Do I find every baby/vacation anecdote amazing? Absolutely not but a lot of them have a kernel of funny or just something interesting for me to note.
Also, from a pure reciprocity perspective, don't you enjoy having folks to talk with about things going well in your life even they're maybe not the most unique or compelling things?
Vacations, you gotta treat like MySpace. Set your top 8, and make sure you choose your top 8 wisely.
8 photos I feel like can easily net you a good 25 minute conversation.
Babies/pets? Show me 1-2 photos. Don't overdo it. You're going to have more photos as time goes on. This isn't a vacation where you have a finite amount of content. You'll show me a photo of your baby being cute. Hey, that's great. We'll talk about it for a few minutes. But we'll also talk about it for a few minutes next week when your baby is going to be cute again. So it's not like I want to spend all day talking about your baby. Your baby is cute, I'm happy for you, but lets move on.
I'm interested in parts of the trip. Mainly the foods and food markets. What they ate where. If they want to tell me about the views or the guy at that shop who said something, I'll feign interest.
Anyone who has been on a "cruise holiday" eats on the ship, and the food may be good but it isn't exciting or too exotic. I want to know how you ate a sausage and found out later it was an earthworm but it was really nice because they grilled it with lime and stuff and you couldn't tell.
there is an important distinction between real friends, as in people who went through significant part of your life together with you, and your 500 "friends" on facebook...
When it's about good friends, then yes, I care a lot.
Sure, I was always interested to see where everyone was traveling. That's what I had Facebook for until it turned to shit.
I don't have to hear anything about babies though.
Even if you don't care, it's probably a good idea to at least pay attention to the announcement of a new baby, because this is a new person, who will be a significant influence on their life and may have some impact on your own. Later on, it's considered polite to at least ask "and how's (name of spouse) and (name of child or children, or you can say "the kids"). One isn't expected to remember every detail, but at least acknowledge they exist.
If i have somewhere else to be or am short on time, then yea, i cant wait for them to finish telling me whatever they are telling me. Otherwise i can usually challange them with some questions or Insights, to create a two way conversation. Sure, if the person is someone i dont know well, ill usually not ask questions, and i am indeed not interested.
I certainly care, and I know many people do, but it’s probably not in the way you think.
I care about these things proportional to how much I care about the individual who is sharing them and how meaningful it is to them, because by caring and engaging in their life it allows me to validate the positive emotions and experiences they have, and to experience some of those emotions myself.
A good example is like with children - if a child wants to tell me about a cool rock they found, or about their favorite game, I may have zero personal interest in that item but I am interested in connecting with the child emotionally and encouraging them to be passionate about things they enjoy. I directly enjoy that experience with them because of this. This same type of connection absolutely can carry over and apply to adults as well.
The word we use to explain this is empathy. Empathy is when you are able to not just recognize the emotions of another, but to sincerely feel some of those emotions vicariously. Not everybody experiences empathy the same way, or are capable of it to the same degree. That’s ok and empathic people often misunderstand those who struggle with empathy. But don’t assume that people expressing it are insincere.
It depends. Mostly I care, a new baby is a big deal, I think about how it will affect them, what the child might be like, the fact that I will probably still be spending time with that child in ten years.
Holidays I care if they're interesting. If someone goes somewhere I've always wanted to go I might have questions, if they've been somewhere I've been I might chat about what I liked. But when people try to tell you a detailed recount of some trip, it can be very boring. My parents are particularly bad at reminiscing together while notionally telling me, so they keep going "where was it we ate the second day? No that was the other place" it's awful. But it's a chance for them to feel happy about their holiday again, so I try to be patient, and I remember how many times my parents pretended to be interested as I explained how I was doing at some computer game or whatever.
But to answer your question, it sounds like you care less than most. But everyone cares less than the people who's life event it is. There's lots of scenes in comedies about people hating hearing about new babies, or being forced to look at holiday photos. So you're not alone!
I like when people tell me about good things they had, awesome stuff they experienced etc etc because for me their happiness and enthusiasm is contagious. If my friends are happy and sharing it with me, my mood also goes up. Maybe it's because hearing about good things gets your brain into thinking/remembering good things, or maybe it's just good to see your friends in high spirits and enthusiastic about something, I do not know.
But as the old saying goes, shared joy is a doubled joy, shared sorrow is a halfed sorrow
Depends on the friend. Some really do care and others are being polite and we may not always know the difference. Attitudes can change as well.
I definately care some, although not enough that I want to sit through a photo slideshow or that. That said, if its just daily photos to a family group chat, or listening to them talk about a particular trip highlight, then I certainly enjoy it.
Depends on the event. I dont care for babies, but I'm happy for them if they go on a nice vacation and I might consider their destination for myself if they recommend it.
I am on the spectrum. And no, i don't. And I don't think of it as being an asshole, I simply don't care about it because it just is something unimportant. I mean, if something bad happened to them, I'll be the first one to ask, but if they are telling me how nice was their trip it's like... well, yeah? It's expected. You make a trip to have a good time, so of course you had a good time.
I guess i consider it innecessary because is the expected outcome.
With that said, I will listen to what they say and remember it, but that doesn't mean I find it interesting unless there is something remarkable about it.
Do you think everyone you talk to enjoys every aspect of the things you have to talk about? Do you appreciate that they listen?
Honestly, I am not very talkative. I am bad at small talk so I rarely speak unless asked directly about something specific.
Because of this, I believe that if someone asks me about something, it's because they are interested in what I have to say about it.
To answer your question, I will not go to tell someone about my last trip unless they ask me about it because I consider that it's not that interesting to the others if (like I do) they are not asking about it.
It doesn't necessarily have to be about a trip you took. It could be about anything, even something you feel you were specifically asked about. Do you think the people who ask you about those things really care about the things you care about the same way you do and so they want to hear everything you have to say? Maybe they do, but it's really very rare for people to care about things the exact way anybody else does.
Just because somebody asked doesn't mean they care about the thing. A significant majority of the time people ask, and then actually listen, it's because they care about you, not any particular thing. And those people probably like to be heard just as much.
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It gets easier to ask relevant questions when you have some experience in those things.
Regarding vacations, I like to ask about the nature of sights in the area. I'm not interested in what food was in the buffet or how many pools were at the hotel, but I would like to know if the area has anything of interest.
For people having babies, I like to ask questions about how they're going to handle it, just to check if they are on top of the situation or if they need help with anything.
Yeah, but this is what troubles me. It’s not that I don’t know what’s expected of me in these situations - I know how to play the game. I’m just not interested in it.
I do try to think about whether there’s anything even remotely interesting about what’s happened to them, and if so, I’ll ask about that. But in many cases, there’s not. Unless their vacation was to a place like North Korea, the most interesting part to me is what kind of plane they flew on and whether they found the baggage carousel mesmerizing.
Well I mean, I am interested in knowing the things I ask. It's not just politeness.
Vacations are expensive. I appreciate any first hand information on places that I might potentially go to.
I already have kids, so my interest is mainly in sharing my own experiences to anyone willing to listen.
Absolutely not. I'd be surprised if anybody actually cares.
That culture-wide, near impossible to appeal level of stuff you must care about or be an asshole is just the worst. You really lose something critical when you pretend, and everybody seems to be in a conspiracy to bust your hump if you don't play along.