We were going to a concert and my partner dressed fancier than I thought made sense. I made an offhand remark about just dress like every day and that made her feel bad. She just liked having an excuse to dress up and I accidentally (because it wasn't my intent) robbed that from her. I felt super shitty about it. I won't ever say anything like that again.
this post was submitted on 17 Sep 2024
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Not so much what I did as what I didn't do. I was picking up a birthday cake for one of my kids and I was standing in line behind a lady who was obviously doing the same thing. Based on her appearance and the fact that she was fumbling through her wallet while on the phone with the bank, I got the sense that she was a little short on cash.
Something told me I should go ahead and pay for her cake. I could easily afford it so why not? For whatever reason I chickened out. I don't know why.
I left there with my kids birthday cake, feeling very ashamed of myself. It was a small thing and yet to me it was a serious moral failure.
I just put myself in that scenario and had the thought "man, what if she's flustered about something else, and having a rough day in general, then I go and swoop in and basically accuse her of being poor in public. She'd feel terrible and I will have made her day worse."
You would have walked out of there feeling like shit in two of the three ways that could have gone. Don't beat yourself up over it; clearly you're empathetic and care about people. That tells me you DO act when it's appropriate and you do want to be a positive force in this world. Congratulations! The world is better with you in it
Best friend from high school cut me loose after my divorce. We haven't had any contact in 20+ years. Not long ago I randomly ran across an obit where his mom died. Considered sending something to his dad since his folks were always nice to me. Probably should have done but I wussed out. Hope his dad is doing ok. Feels bad, man.
You can still send a "Hey thinking about you, thanks for being nice to me growing up.".
The second best time is right now and all that.
You're right, of course. It's kind of a can of worms, though.
And...dudes parent died. Screw the worms, that was over 20 years ago.
Nice try, my brain
My partner recently had a financial and vehicle emergency and to help out I moved in with her. I now drive her around and help pay for her rent. I was supposed to stay for a week and now it's been about two months.
I moved out of my parents to do this and because I cannot afford it, I do not pay part of their rent now. They can afford to get by, but my dad's work van recently broke down and he works out of that truck so it has affected his income and he now has to replace the van which is very expensive.
They are now struggling financially and I feel like I could help if I move back in with them to help pay for rent. They are now in the same situation my partner was in two months ago, but I have not left to help them and it eats me up inside every morning when I wake up.
You can’t save everybody. It’s already very nice you helped them out earlier
Forgot my best friend's birthday. We don't normally get each other anything, or celebrate in any way, so it slipped my mind. Felt awful and wanted to turn back time so bad.
You just gotta prepare something for their birthday next year. No need for something big, just thoughtful. Add a sincere apology or two and I'm sure they will appreciate it.
I also tend to forget someone's birthday other than my partner and immediate family so I just put them in my calendar. No more accidentally forget about friends' birthday, unless I'm really busy and my ADHD acting up.
Ghosting someone (multiple really) when I just couldn't handle all the things they expect me to do. It's childish and very much my own mistake for not being clear with my boundary and overestimating my mental energy.
Slowly making it up one person to the next.
Oooh I do this. How do you make it up to them? Without risking it all happening again?
Sorry for the late answer and the text wall
- Depends on the severity and how much they know about my avoidance habit. I would say sorry (as genuine as I can) and told them about my problem (or most likely make up a believable one that neurotypical person can accept) that made me unable to respond to them in timely manner. That it is wholly a Me problem and not a You problem. I would try my best to complete what they ask of me or help them with something else just to keep it even. This vulnerability talk will exhaust your mental energy tbh, some people will definitely have negative reaction and rightfully so, especially in professional setting. Tho some bridges have been burnt so bad I don't even try 🫠 Still, it's very much worth it, rather than spiralling down to depression town, sinking in the guilty mud trap.
- I too wish I have an answer for this one. If you have the means, try finding out the reason. Maybe it's ADHD, maybe it's AvPD, maybe it's both, neither, or something else. So far, applying CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) has helped me improve, but it's not a bulletproof solution. My avoidance mostly comes from my tendency to be a perfectionist (which comes from past experience, upbringing, yadda yadda), so I try to accept that sometimes it is okay to be flawed, to disappoint, to not try my best for someone else's sake just to get their approval. Try to have healthy habits that improve mood/health. I also try not to spend too much time inside all day without actual human interaction, because I can definitely get more anxious when I haven't interact with real people (actual interaction face-to-face, not text/chat with people online) to keep me grounded.
Just keep on keeping on one step at a time.
Bear hugged a belayer while in the middle of belaying a climber. Had no idea he was belaying thought he was untieing his knot. Nobody was hurt and nothing happened but I cringe every time I think about it.
Literally all the time, but OK...
Last Saturday night, bored, make an impulse decision to buy soccer tickets. Get some really nice seats, front row of the second level. Seats 1 and 2, on the aisle.
Get to the stadium moments before kick-off, head to our section, there's a guy and his wife sitting in the two seats on the aisle. I ask if they're sure they're in the right place and show him my tickets: seats 1 and 2, right on the aisle. He looks confused, apologizes, they leave. As my wife and I are sitting down, I see the little seat number I missed before. These are seats 20 and 19...the wrong end of the row from where we're supposed to be. I mistakenly assumed the seats were numbered left to right, but they're right to left for some reason.
Cringe, wonder if they'll notice or if they'll just take the open seats down on the far end of the row. Look over and I see the guy looking at seats 1 and 2 and scowling. The teams are lining up, the game has just started. I sigh and head into the concourse, catch up with the guy as he is coming back down from the right side of the section.
I apologize, say it was totally my mistake, offer to let them keep seats 1-2 since they're here already, guy insists on taking back seats 20-19 since that's what he paid for. Completely understand, sorry again for the misunderstanding.
While we're in the concourse straightening things out, the home team scores what will end up being their only goal of the game. We both miss it. We go on to lose 3-1.
I started dating someone and then realized pretty fast I didn't like him that way.
The dude was already pretty depressed as a baseline, and I feel like giving him hope and then taking it away like that has dropped him pretty deep into negativity.
A few days ago. I talked about our kid with my Sambo and was telling her that some of his behavior can be annoying.
The kid walked by in the hallway, probably hearing some of that.
Felt very ashamed.
What is a Sambo?
Sorry, I didn't realize it's not the same in English. :) It's when you live together with someone but you are not married. You are both registered on the address and usually own the apartment or house together.
I hope OC clears this up because my understanding is that's the Spanish equivalent of the n word
I had to tell my GM I didn't like their campaign, even though they put a lot of work into it :(
I was raised catholic, I always feel that guilt 100% of the time
30 years ago
Someone was harassing an unrequited crush of his and I have an inkling I was harsh on the harasser because of his issues and the fact I was taunt-like when dealing with him. After a day there was an eerie silence and I thought about it for a while.
All the time for the past few months, I went through a break up because of my own stupidity, but recently she wants to talk again, but lightly, and with the fact that nothing romantic is possible. I tried talking to more people and even one I caught a few feelings for but I realized I didn't actually like them and it just made me realize how great she was again. I just constantly feel guilty cause I want to try again but I know I don't deserve another chance, and other parts of my life with me trying to find a new place to live, a new job, dealing with college classes that I didn't really wanna do. I just feel like a constant failure when I had so much opportunity. Got depression meds, and they worked for a while, but they are working less and less now.
Almost a decade ago, back when I got my first grown up job, a homeless person came up to me on my way back from lunch and asked if he could have some food. I told him sorry and kept walking. When I got back to my seat, I realized what I had done so I went back out to try to find the guy so I could buy him a meal. Couldn't find him. Feel like shit every time I think about it.
