I'm just gonna leave this here with no further content...
"Sony Releases Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work"
this post was submitted on 15 Sep 2024
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@HotWheelsVroom Lmao, I also like that one very much
"It's functions include... ...being all ass backwards fuck". Magical
But I'll still add another great one - Political Talk Show Host Suddenly Very Interested In Manslaughter Law Loopholes (https://youtu.be/xOVQPtuKRs4)
The system specs tho LMFAO π€£π€£π€£
System Specifications:
- Makes the most irritating beeping noise you've ever heard in your goddamn life
- Fucks up everything else you hook it up to
- 'Scans for receivers', whatever the fuck that means
- Flashes random fucking words and numbers on the display screen
to this day I still occasionally mutter "it never ends, this shit..."
Trump Voter Feels Betrayed By President After Reading 800 Pages Of Queer Theory. Important commentary and funny at the same time.
What's the actual joke here? It sounds like it's almost mocking trans literature by how complex it is to understand for the average american. Is that it?
I think that mainly mocks the idea that if only people talked to each other more, communicated with each other more, tried to see things from the others' perspective, then everything would be great and everyone would arrive at a common conclusion.
It's unrealistic to expect people to judge your message on the merits of your argument if you're not taking the time to translate it into a language they speak.
Not really interested in making an argument to whether it's fair to apply this caricature here, but that's definitely the message here.
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The Onion does something really clever: they simply show what the world would be like if feminists actually succeeded in convincing people with their arguments. The end result is comically bizarre and obviously extremely unlikely. The joke/criticism is how disconnected feminists are from the real world with their overly complicated, academic and abstract language, despite the fact that they ostensibly have a goal of influencing ordinary people into being better.
I've had this beef for a long time with feminists: they lack empathy and insight into the actual lived experience of the people they want to convince. They're caught up in an authoritarian, entitled worldview where they imagine they can just coerce others into becoming better through force and shaming, using language that is so far above most people's heads that it all just seems imaginary. Whenever I try to raise these concerns I am met with hate and am called a misogynist even though my intentions are to help. They have virtually no ability to listen. There are exceptions, but they are drowned out among all the (in my opinion) misguided people.
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Sony Releases Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work. Replace by Sony by Apple and it still fits perfectly.
The MacBook wheel comes closest
"I'll buy anything that's shiny and comes from Apple" π
The wheel. Reinvented.
God, I fucking love you, Onion...
I love the entire "Autistic Reporter" Series for some reason lol
How do I go to prison??
The one about the memorial built in advance for a damn disaster that they all saw coming but did nothing about, except for the memorial of the future victims.
This disaster will have been preventable. All of the warning signs are here now. Yet, no one will have fucking done anything about it.
Prague's Kafka International Named Most Alienating Airport
And a 'from-16-years-back' broadside at the US approaching November:
honorable mention to New Marijuana Study Confirms Everyone Knows You're High And You Will Be Stoned Forever
because when this was originally uploaded on their website it would play a slightly different version every time you opened the page. So you'd laugh and show your friends, so then even if your (allegedly) stoner ass hadn't gotten tripped out the first time, while they're watching it and laughing you'd start sweating.
Second honorable mention to "Is The Government Spying on Schizophrenics Enough?" But I'm honestly still not sure that one's totally okay, even if I still laugh every single time I watch it. I'm not that type of mentally ill but have had people close to me who struggle enough with it and the very nature of the disorder is such that even though I laugh I've always at the same time felt it treads very much on the line.
I like the Taliban guy telling the 911 conspiracy guy that 911 was real.
HP Offers 'That Cloud Thing Everyone Is Talking About": https://youtu.be/9ntPxdWAWq8?si=wHKW3AJSuDnGDRq9
Always been partial to Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck
"I heard screaming and I thought it was just someone doing an accurate impression of Glenn Beck talking normally, but then I saw the smoke."
These comments are proof that The Onion peaked like 15 years ago. They just haven't been as funny since then.
i dont think its the onions fault, parody just got more difficult when real life is already ridiculous
Weirdly, this comment is a little hasty but only because of recent developments. ONN presumably didnβt make enough money so it was canceled, thus they couldnβt keep doing sketches like that. Now that The Onion has bought itself from its corporate owners, ONN is said to be returning. If the new ONN sucks this comment will be accurate though.
The MacBook Wheel. Imagine how disastrous this product would be if it actually happened.
Not to mention that was the first time I discovered the Onion.
Honestly same I didn't know who was the onion
"A lot of networks report the news as it happens. But only one has the power to report the news BEFORE it happens. Through our state-of-the-art wormhole sattelite, the Onion News Network Future channel brings you exclusive news transmissions from the year 2137. Because to stay ahead in today's world, you need to know what's going to happen in tomorrow's."
And then on the map one of the states is Gay Texas LMAO
WOKE LIBERAL america be like
- wokelahoma
- they/themessee
- nonbinary dakota
- transylvania
- hannah montana
- lesbiana
- kawaii
- gay texas
- north and south queerolina
- washington H.R.T.
I don't know if it really counts since it's a full series, but Porkin' Across America is really fucking cursed.
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