this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2024
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[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 83 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Oh yeah, my cats going to have a field day with that.

[–] TriflingToad@lemmy.world 25 points 3 months ago

scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch

[–] HexadecimalSky@lemmy.world 59 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Every once in a while I get a Uline catalog sent to me.I have looked at that same sort of industrial Jumbo roll. Very tempting.

[–] TheMightyCanuck@sh.itjust.works 74 points 3 months ago (5 children)

If it's the uline jumbo rolls my work gets... Please don't.

Your asshole will thank me

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 63 points 3 months ago (8 children)

You just gotta keep using it until your anus naturally builds up callouses.

[–] TheMightyCanuck@sh.itjust.works 29 points 3 months ago

I rarely physically shudder from text

[–] bobs_monkey@lemm.ee 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I too try to only shit on company time

[–] blanketswithsmallpox@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago

They're called union shits around here. Even if you're not in one lol.

Also combine shitty to with expensive bidet. Best of both worlds.

[–] SynopsisTantilize@lemm.ee 8 points 3 months ago (4 children)

My wife keeps telling me that...

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[–] waz@lemmy.world 19 points 3 months ago

Is it the high gloss stuff, or the 80 grit option?

[–] henfredemars@infosec.pub 10 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Does it flake like a French pastry?

[–] cocobean@sh.itjust.works 26 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I only wipe my ass with croissants to keep my cheeks buttery smooth

[–] Nfamwap@lemmy.world 18 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'm fairly certain those words have never been uttered in that order in the entirety of human history. Bravo.

[–] Fermion@feddit.nl 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Nor should they ever again.

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[–] BarbecueCowboy@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago

Plus side, it's basically impossible to clog your toilet with that stuff. It's effectively pipe grease.

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[–] Notyou@sopuli.xyz 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Try a bidet first. I still use TP to dry off the wet, but way less TP.

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[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 55 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Single ply, extra thin, just like our corporate overlords intended it.

[–] androogee@midwest.social 37 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Thing's so top heavy he's gonna barely touch it and the whole thing will go toppling into the bathtub and instantly absorb 10x its weight in water.

Just like that, 42 cents down the drain.

[–] Madison420@lemmy.world 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Bro that tp is gonna melt in the water whole homeboy watches like that devastated raccoon.

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[–] DarkPassenger@lemmy.world 46 points 3 months ago (1 children)

One of my neighbors owns a restaurant. When covid hit, they dropped boxes of gloves, hand sanitizer, and those rolls of TP off for everyone on the street. I still have one

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 21 points 3 months ago

That is a solidly decent neighbour.

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 37 points 3 months ago

At least the tp is oriented in the right direction.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 31 points 3 months ago (5 children)

Nice, that might last my wife one, maybe two days.

[–] Vlyn@lemmy.zip 11 points 3 months ago

The secret is a bidet. Much cleaner and suddenly I spend a third on toilet paper compared to before (you still use some for drying and checking).

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[–] buzz86us@lemmy.world 26 points 3 months ago (5 children)

💯he stole that from a public bathroom

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[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 24 points 3 months ago

I was hella poor in college, and constantly using Taco Bell napkins and such for toilet paper. One day at school I found one of these rolls that was left on the counter in the bathroom. I immediately put that shit in my backpack and took it home. It felt like I had won the lottery! No need to worry about toilet paper for like 6 months!

[–] PseudorandomNoise@lemmy.world 24 points 3 months ago (1 children)

“You can’t spare one square!?”

[–] Skoobie@sh.itjust.works 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I don't have a square to spare!

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[–] krashmo@lemmy.world 22 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If you can fit it on your roll holder why wouldn't you? That's just good sense right there

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[–] perviouslyiner@lemmy.world 19 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

Someone's university has CH-751 locks on their toilet roll dispensers, and is missing a roll...

[–] Got_Bent@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago

This is the lock picking lawyer and what I have for you today really wipes out the competition.

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[–] samus12345@lemmy.world 16 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I still have 2 rolls of that stuff from back when there was no TP in the store and it was all I could find. Never did end up using them, but I guess I'm set if it happens again!

[–] Leviathan@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

~~Shopping in bulk~~

Stealing in bulk

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 13 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Let’s hope he had some high capacity magazines to match

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[–] sunbytes@lemmy.world 12 points 3 months ago (2 children)

You use it like a knife-sharpeners' wheel.

[–] Bashnagdul@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago

For the poop knife?

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[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago

That could kill a man rolling down a hill

[–] Bobmighty@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago

Garbage toilet paper found often at the workplace. People especially poor in money and/or taste will sometimes use it in their homes.

[–] crawancon@lemm.ee 8 points 3 months ago (2 children)
[–] PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

His work's supply cabinet.

Rock on, man.

[–] Clusterfck@lemmy.sdf.org 16 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)
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[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 8 points 3 months ago

Shitting in bulk i see.

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