this post was submitted on 07 Aug 2024
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[–] lvxferre@mander.xyz 77 points 3 months ago (3 children)

I want to get bitten by a capybara and get the superpower of being chill 100% of the time.

[–] ChadCMulligan@lemm.ee 26 points 3 months ago

Have you considered switching to indicas?

[–] Bishma@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 3 months ago

Based on the internet it also seems like every creature on earth is totally down to give a capybara a piggyback ride. I assume that influence is part of the capybara's powers.

[–] Spacehooks@reddthat.com 8 points 3 months ago

I think peter from dead pool got that one

[–] Vanth@reddthat.com 46 points 3 months ago (4 children)

The Immortal Jellyfish, taking their transdifferentiation ability in which they can reverse aging and damage at macro and cellular levels.

[–] ChadCMulligan@lemm.ee 33 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Hmmm… I choose the immoral jellyfish

[–] Iheartcheese@lemmy.world 24 points 3 months ago (2 children)
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[–] Fubarberry@sopuli.xyz 11 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I'd be worried that picking jellyfish might cause you to lose your brain as well. Which would be pretty inconvenient outside of preparing you for a career in politics.

[–] Vanth@reddthat.com 17 points 3 months ago

Mm, I assumed that wasn't part of the deal. Spider-Man didn't get the brain of a spider. It's only select characteristics.

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[–] treefrog@lemm.ee 6 points 3 months ago

I was going to say a frog since they can change sex.

But jellyfish can apparently change sex and be immortal, so, I change my answer to the immortal jellyfish too.

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[–] breadsmasher@lemmy.world 41 points 3 months ago (1 children)

A housefly so my lifespan is 2 days

[–] Blueteamsecguy@infosec.pub 46 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Good news,

Plenty of animal bites can give you the same or even a better experience!

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[–] iamtrashman1312@lemmy.world 34 points 3 months ago

Bitten by a radioactive housecat, I gain the ability to sleep deeply and comfortably in a position that by all rights looks like it should be destroying my spine

Like I'll take whatever else you wanna throw on top, night vision or claws or something, but I only really need that first thing

[–] gh0stcassette@lemmy.blahaj.zone 24 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

Bats, I want their crazy advanced immune system and interferon production. Bats are tiny mammals with a metabolism even faster than a rat/mouse due to the high energy needs of powered flight. Typically, small mammals with this fast of a metabolism will live like 2-5 years, because cell division is so rapid that after only a few years, the cells' DNA becomes too damaged to continue. However, bats have insane immune systems. They're immune (asymptomatic carriers) to nearly every virus capable of infecting them because their immune systems produce so much interferon that any damage to the DNA (eg from a virus inserting code for its own reproduction into a cell) is corrected almost immediately. This process also partially repairs damage from cell-division, meaning that bats can live up to ~40 YEARS depending on the species. If a human had that ability, it would be like living to 400 or 500 years old, and being immune to nearly every disease (between native viral immunity, and antibiotics for bacterial infections)

[–] gh0stcassette@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Also Monitor Lizards. They're the most intelligent squamate reptile (group that includes all living reptiles except turtles, crocodilians, and birds, who are archosauromorphs), except for possibly the cobra. But, they're still cold-blooded, so I can just nap on a hot rock without eating for 2 days and be Fine. They do get Stupid when the temperature drops too much (lowers their metabolic rate, and intelligence uses lots of energy), but I live in Florida, so that's fine💀. They're also one of the only lizards that can both breathe and walk at the same time (apparently most squamate reptiles use the same muscles for breathing as moving their forelimbs?? Wack.). This is how they became so intelligent, there was more O2 coming into the body, so the overall metabolic budget to evolve stuff like Large Brain became much larger.

Also they're adorable, monitor lizards can be so friendly, curious, and playful, they're like the Lizard version of cat imo. I really want one, they even like to cuddle (humans are Warm, and they're smart enough to recognize and trust you enough to want cuddles). I'm gonna get a cute little Ackie monitor once I graduate college I think.

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[–] tilefan@lemm.ee 21 points 3 months ago (3 children)

a cat. I would like my superpower to be that everybody treats me like a cat

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 16 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Please get off the couch and stop licking yourself.

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[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 21 points 3 months ago

A kitten, and my superpowers are gonna be huge dick and $10k/day.

Next question.

[–] Dallimjp@sh.itjust.works 20 points 3 months ago (1 children)

How isn't there one post mentioning Mantis shrimp for the vision and punching power. Or any gorilla for being vegan and jacked. What about a giraffe? You could taste a women's urine to know if she's ovulating. Are these not no the default answers?

[–] MindTraveller@lemmy.ca 10 points 3 months ago (10 children)

Mantis Shrimp have worse colour vision than humans. They need all those receptors because their brains are too simple to combine colours like a human brain can. A human can see hundreds of shades of purple in between red and blue. A mantis shrimp can only see as many colours as it has receptors. It's like seeing in 8 bit.

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[–] Corno@lemm.ee 19 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

An axolotl. I love swimming, less so the idea of SCUBA diving. I'd spend so many hours just chilling in the coral reefs on a sunny day. They're amphibious too so it means I could breathe just fine on land and in the water!

[–] Diddlydee@feddit.uk 19 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (4 children)

Everyone seems to think the question says you get powers related to the animal that bites you, but it isn't worded that way. I'd get bit by a kitten and have the power of telekinesis, which is really multiple powers. I could fly, create forcefields, create cold or heat by moving atoms, hell, I could create all kinds of things by manipulating atoms.

[–] abbadon420@lemm.ee 11 points 3 months ago

You have cheated my system. As punishment I will make sure no super power granting animal ever bites you. Muhahaha!

[–] slazer2au@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago

Everyone seems to think the question says you get powers related to the animal that bites you, but it isn't worded that way.

You cheeky fucker. I like your thinking.

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[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 14 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Bitten by bear. Super power gained: DEATH

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[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Human, so that I can be even humaner. If I can get humaner enough I might bypass superhuman and become hyperhuman. I didn't know if that will give me 5th-dimensional awareness or make me explode, but if superpowers are involved, there's only one way to find out.

Alternatively a mountain goat so I can wall-run through downtown like it's fucking Skyrim.

[–] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

"Man-Man! He's bestowed with all the powers of a man... but he's a man."

"Oh, I bet Man-Man gets his powers from Robert Bly!"

MST3K

[–] tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'll go with orangutan, and gain the ability to shift how my muscles are attached to my bones so I can adjust fine muscle control vs raw power.

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[–] moonlight@fedia.io 12 points 3 months ago (5 children)

Octopus. I would hope to get the ability to shape shift.

I'm answering in the spirit of the question, but it wasn't specified that the animal has to match the power. In that case, I'd choose basically the smallest thing that could feasibly bite me. A tardigrade for example.

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[–] BugleFingers@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

Tardigrade, I'd have extreme resistance to basically all climates and can be dried up and rehydrated back to life effectively allowing me to "travel" through time by waiting in death...so my shows are all finished lol.

I'd also make a great astronaut

Edit: words

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[–] VerilyFemme@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 3 months ago

Do the superpowers have to correlate to the abilities of the animal that bites me, like Spider-Man?

Probably a grasshopper, if so. Being able to bound to basically anywhere I need to get would be nice, get some wings to course correct in the air. Or a mantis shrimp because then I really would never have to worry about losing a fight.

But if it's any animal/any superpower: mosquito/super speed

[–] AbouBenAdhem@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

An Asian palm civet, giving me the power to crap out exclusive high-priced coffee beans.

[–] qevlarr@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)
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[–] SendMePhotos@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Dog.. I just want to be happy.

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[–] zxqwas@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago

Dog, so that I could lick my own... belly...

[–] ChadCMulligan@lemm.ee 8 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Ladybug bite.

I would like to attain their hard candy shell and ability to fly.

[–] dharmacurious 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Fwiw, a lady bug once bit my ear drum several times over the course of the longest half hour of my life up until that point. It hurts. A lot.

[–] ChadCMulligan@lemm.ee 7 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Man, that sounds horrible. I’ve only been bit on my arms and neck by them. I would pass on ladybug eardrum bites if offered, thank you.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Don't let one negative review scare you off of ladybug eardrum bites. There's a tendency for only those with the most-negative (and rare!) experiences to post reviews, but there are a lot of us out there who've had only great experiences with ladybug eardrum bites.

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[–] masterofn001@lemmy.ca 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

A lizard, then a pig.

Chop off a limb. Eat bacon.

Repeat.

Free bacon forever!

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[–] quinkin@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago

Wombat. The power to take square shits.

[–] MelodiousFunk 7 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I choose to get bitten by a catgirl and gain the power of not actually existing.

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[–] umbraroze@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

A turtle! 🐢

  • Great lifespan
  • Even better defensive skills
  • No need to go to a dentist on the account of not needing teeth anymore
  • Great software development skills due to Shell Access

Edit, almost forgot:

  • Wider housing options (unless they, I dunno, fill the sewers with concrete or something)
  • Possibility of martial arts training
[–] janus2@lemmy.zip 7 points 3 months ago

yes I would like to sign up to be bitten by a human woman, ty

wait, I get a free superpower too!?

(I'll take super intelligence cuz maybe it'll cancel out my stupidity then)

[–] CoolMatt@lemmy.ca 6 points 3 months ago

A cat so I can lick my own ass

[–] Bluefalcon@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 3 months ago

Water bear. I want to live forever and be a cutie.

[–] Today@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

I would get bit by a cat because i know that's going to happen anyway. I would choose the power to import thoughts into other people.

[–] savvywolf@pawb.social 6 points 3 months ago

Even though I'm scared of heights, being able to fly sounds fun. So maybe a bat or something?

Or maybe just a wolf so I can live out elaborate werewolf fantasies.

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