this post was submitted on 16 Jul 2024
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Would You Rather

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Welcome to c/WouldYouRather, where we present you with the toughest, most ridiculous choices you never knew you had to make! Would you rather have a third arm that's only useful for picking your nose, or be able to talk to animals but only if they're wearing hats? Yeah, it's that kind of vibe. Come for the absurdity, stay because you've clearly got nothing better to do with your life.

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WYR: If your toilet was sentient would you rather it crave your poop or hate you for it. (lemmy.dbzer0.com)
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com to c/wouldyourather@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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[–] N0body@lemmy.dbzer0.com 31 points 4 months ago (7 children)

I'd want a toilet that was not just a fan of human waste, but a connoisseur. We could have lively chats about what I've eaten lately, and the toilet can provide dietary recommendations and real-time waste monitoring for potential issues.

"Sir, you have really been overdoing it with the greasy food lately. I have to recommend that you add more fruits and vegetables to your regime, and I would politely request asparagus at least once a week. I'm also concerned about your cholesterol..."

[–] SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 4 months ago

He was a more perverted creature in my mind but I like this too

[–] edgemaster72@lemmy.world 9 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

add more fruits and vegetables to your regime

Instructions unclear, on my way to overthrow central and south american governments

Anyway, I'd go with the craves toilet. I don't want to be hated by a sentient shitter.

[–] adam_y@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago

I don't want to be judged by the only friend I have.

[–] Leg@sh.itjust.works 5 points 4 months ago

I want a sentient toilet now.

[–] Eylrid@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

Sounds like a good way to get in a fight with the toilet.

[–] TheDuffmaster@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago

So you want the toilet from Benchwarmers?

[–] PM_ME_VINTAGE_30S@lemmy.sdf.org 12 points 4 months ago

Easy, crave it. Nice to feel desired.

[–] zer0squar3d@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 4 months ago

Fyi this question originated from Allen Pan (from safety third podcast, and failed mythbuster)

[–] alyth@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Crave obviously. The latter would be sadistic.

[–] SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

But the thought of a perverted toilet is also disturbing

[–] alyth@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I just can't bend it that way in my mind. It's in my toilet's nature to swallow my shit, and I need it as much as it needs me. I'll forgive it the occasional unsolicited comment.

[–] SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 4 months ago (2 children)

What if it has a tongue...

[–] Jax@sh.itjust.works 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

Well, if it has a tongue that means it probably developed alongside us evolutionarily - right?

Like this is no longer "your toilet is possessed by someone with a scat fetish". Not if it has a tongue, that means this is a biological creature that lives off of our shit. Considering the value feces has in regards to replenishing nutrients in soil, we should probably consider these toilets some kind of parisitic - or more accurately symbiotic being. Sort of like a mimic, only it eats your shit.

Why did I think of this? Why would I take the time to use my precious fucking neurons conjuring up the beginnings of "shit eating mimic" taxonomy? Well, you asked "What if it has a tongue...". The answer is that you would probably be used to it, and it would probably lick your asshole.

You did this. I want you to know this is your fault.

[–] SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 4 months ago

😭😭

I wish it's a mildly scratchy tongue. Get that itch I don't want to scratch.

[–] FrowingFostek@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago

R34 when?

[–] 0laura@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago

made in abyss..............