this post was submitted on 15 Jul 2024
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It is pretty simple and something a lot of men suffer from. You end up being nice try to follow the rules. The problem is that when you follow the rules all the time, you end up having to compromise a lot. Unfortunately Western culture stereotype of men is that of a strong silent hero, who does not complain. So quite a few never talk about there problems. Mostly it is just suffering, if it becomes really bad it ends up with a suicide and this is really the worst case. Basically they end up thinking that they are losers anyway, of which everybody is ignoring their needs, because quite frankly they often do. So this is the way to do something "great", a way to stick out, to become famous.
Obviously not just a male problem, but you just have to look at who statistically commits suicide and mass shootings, to see the problem.
Yes, America doesn't randomly have these shootings. We're a sick society with deep fundamental problems. It's some kind of dark alchemy of hopelessness, pressure/bullying, and celebrity culture. The darkness grows inside until it has to be inflicted somehow. Best case it's a suicide. Worst case they decide to become famous before they go.
Corollary to that, we wouldn't even know how sick we were if some of us hadn't gotten better.
That's the state we are in right now. There's a growing consciousness that we should hold ourselves to a higher standard as a society, and the parts of us that have profited immensely and grown used to the old way of doing things are resisting the change.
We're like any person who is on the pathway to salvation, our old sinful selves are actively fighting against the renewing of our minds by the desire to be better.
It's easy for the part of us that has gotten better to hate our old selves and the parts of us that remain stuck in our old ways, and it's easy for our old selves to hate the work and effort it takes to change who We are.
This is one aspect of what is commonly called "toxic masculinity". It negatively affects the men that hold these harmful believes a lot.
But a huge portion of this is also driven by a warped sense of what masculinity is to begin with, which is pushed largely by conservative culture. I was raised in a fairly progressive area and never felt isolated or like I was unable to show vulnerability. This is not a US problem as much as a conservative one.