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Retired teacher’s pension stopped as provider refuses to believe she is not dead (www.theguardian.com)

submitted 9 months ago by RobotToaster@mander.xyz to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

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[–] SpicyAnt@mander.xyz 83 points 9 months ago (6 children)

“In November I had received two letters from Teachers’ Pensions asking me euphemistically if I was dead,”

I am curious about how one euphemistically asks someone if they are dead. Any guess?

[–] squirmy_wormy@lemmy.world 110 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

Dear Mrs McGrath,

Are you napping or are you taking "the big sleep"?

Sincerely, The teachers pension

[–] RobotToaster@mander.xyz 49 points 9 months ago (1 children)

We are writing to enquire as to the current status of your mitochondria.

[–] Tangent5280@lemmy.world 24 points 9 months ago (1 children)

They continue to be the powerhouse of the cell

[–] 69420@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago

Mighty Mitochondria

[–] cafeinux@infosec.pub 31 points 9 months ago

Did you recently (or less recently) stop breathing for more than 10 minutes, and if so, are you or not a professional freediver?

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 23 points 9 months ago (1 children)

"Hey Sanka! You dead?"

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago

"Naah maaan!"

[–] 520@kbin.social 3 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

Mocking Query: Coorta, Coorta, are you dead yet?

[–] vrojak@kbin.social 2 points 9 months ago

"I thought you had died of old age."
"Died? No. Became stronger? Yes."

[–] Hamartiogonic@sopuli.xyz 1 points 9 months ago

Is anybody there?
No.
Ok, that’s good. For a moment I thought there could be a could be a stabby knife murderer hiding in the closet.
Nope, there’s no one here.

You can guess how the story ends…