Relationship Anarchy

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punkisundead

Adultery (and other half revolutions) (de.crimethinc.com)

submitted 11 months ago by punkisundead to c/relationshipanarchy

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A spectre is haunting the Western world: the spectre of Adultery.

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Personal opinion: I dont really agree with most parts of the text. The comparisons to other forms of oppression does not sit right with me and I also feel like the text really does not engage with the issue of consent at all. Still wanted to post it, maybe you have other perspectives.

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[–] perestroika 2 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I think they have mis-interpreted the "good marriages take work" sentence. The foremost work seems to be - adopting a compatible method of solving problems.

Many people go into marriage blinded by love, seeing only the bright sides of their partner, and ignoring potential problems. When the short-term love (in my language, there are two words for love, one means "falling in love" and the other means "love") wears off and the person sobers, they have either a marriage or even a family with the other person...

...and their problem-solving and communication strategies may not be compatible. This can lead to suffering and fortunately there is divorce - but if one doesn't want to walk that way, then indeed - work awaits.

Adultery on the other hand, is a product of resignation - the marriage isn't working well, one is not bothered enough to divorce it, but enteres into affairs and falls in love with other people.

Now, instead of one unhappy relationship, there is an unhappy and an unsustainable relationship. In the first one, people have lost attraction or don't get along. In the second one, people cannot find time and struggle to make commitments. Maybe the second relationship has potential to be a better one than the first, maybe not.

Still, if everyone involved is aware of that - there is such a thing as ethical polyamory, where no cheating occurs because everyone involved knows they're not the only one - nothing is too bad and the marriage and affairs can run in parallel.

IMHO, the bad thing about adultery is not that it occurs - but that it often occurs in secrecy, with cheating. If one has an intimate affair (maybe a marriage) with person A, one should be open with them and tell of an equally intimate affair with person B. It has the benefit of helping people make informed decisions - not everyone wants a partner who is not committed to a relationship with them. Besides, most people want safe sex, and other partners are a reason to re-calculate the measures taken against transmissible disease.