this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2023
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That's the neat part, I don't.
This is a defeatist answer. The real answer is yours to truly find and the advice here can really help, but you absolutely can pull out of it even though it might seem insurmountable
That's assuming someone has the skills. I'm surrounded by people everyday. As friendly as they are, they are too exclusivist for me and I have the problem of not being good at keeping a conversation alive. Nothing sticks and it's hardwired, it's not going to change unless one of the unchangeable circumstances change.
Well do you think socializing is something you even enjoy? If yes, then most people I meet that aren’t good at conversation are facing 1 of 3 problems. One being they just don’t want to talk or two they have nothing in common with the person or lastly you might struggle with a lack of confidence. To keep a convo alive just ask the person about themselves is the easiest way. But truly getting into hobbies and interests will help you find friends and good conversations. This is one reason why I find video games so useful because you will always find someone who likes the same game as you.
And if no well then what does make you happy?
I do enjoy conversations, I just never get to have them. The weakness comes from drawing a blank and then the conversation dying, and if I try forcing myself to say something anyways, it just ends up like this.
So a tip for that you might not know, just be honest in the conversation. If I’m drawing a blank or need time to think I’ll just tell them “hold on I’m thinking” or “wow that’s super interesting give me a second to think/digest that” and they’ll be okay. You can even say “sorry I’m a little flustered/overwhelmed give me a second”.
Silence is fine, but if you don’t let the other know why there is silence they’ll assume you’re done talking. The more honest during conversations the easier they are I feel. Absolutely no one will judge you for needing time to think and if someone does then they are not people you want to talk with anyways. To make this a habit won’t happen overnight. Do it when you remember and overtime it’ll become a habit.
Being honest is the problem though. Everything I could bring up about myself in a conversation comes up equally and then I never end up choosing any response because if I did it would sound awkward. I'm not saying I ever want to do it, but lying, to everyone's dismay, would actually work better in a conversation. Sadly nobody I have ever spoken to has accepted "give me a moment to come up with a response" as an answer. You'd be the first to not consider it an unrealistic accommodation to provide. You'd also be the first person to not consider silence too underwhelming.
That’s unfortunate that I would be the first. I think everyone deserves to have someone that’ll give them the time of day to talk. I do believe it’s only a matter of time before you find someone IRL that’ll listen to ya.