this post was submitted on 07 Sep 2023
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No Stupid Questions

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My parents are 57 and 63. My mother is erratic, forgetful, and when she gets mad she sometimes screams and throws things. My father is slowly going deaf, getting slower and more stubborn and forgetful as well. They can be infuriating sometimes, but I know that they're aging and I can't be mad at them. How do I deal with this, especially early on in preparation for further down the road?

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[–] PunnyName@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Or, instead of the progeny taking care of parents, professionals could.

[–] RightHandOfIkaros@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Yeah, if they can afford it. Personally, I feel that not taking care of your parents is disrespectful if you have the money and capacity to do so, but there is nothing wrong with paying professionals. But that is pretty expensive in my area. I feel the same way with parents who are entirely absent from their childs lives, keeping them in a daycare or under a nanny or even home alone at all times.

[–] Smoogs@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Well you’re either too busy to take care of your parents because you have to make the money to look after them and so you pay for a professional

Or your too busy to take care of your parents because you have to work to make money in order to barely keep a roof over your head and still can’t afford to help them.

Pick one.

[–] bobs_monkey@lemm.ee 7 points 1 year ago

I'd rather a mix of both. Most affordable homes suck (my mom's getting there so I've been doing some precursory looking), so I'd rather have my mom living with my wife and I and having a nurse (nanny if you will) do the routine functions when that time comes.

[–] manapropos@lemmy.basedcount.com 3 points 1 year ago (3 children)

This is so weird to me. In so many countries outside of the west different generations live with each other and take care of each other. I only think it’s fair for people to give back the same kind of care to their parents they received as kids

[–] the_q@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

But children didn't ask to exist. Parents "choose" to burden themselves with children. The elderly, particularly here in the US, are a drain on nearly every aspect of life. They control most of the wealth, still vote even with decreased mental capacity and empathy and generally sap the bulk of the resources for healthcare services.

[–] manapropos@lemmy.basedcount.com 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I hope when you’re old and incapable you’re treated compassionately, however that may be

[–] the_q@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I'd like to be treated compassionately now.

[–] Smoogs@lemmy.world -1 points 1 year ago

So would the people you are calling evil.

[–] tim-clark@kbin.social -5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You sound angry and entitled.

[–] ABCDE@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Smoogs@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

But the people who they are complaining about totally are and have no explicit experience or same feelings or same entitlement to the same respect you demand. Nooo…you’re totally not entitled if you act the same way as the people you hate.

[–] Smoogs@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Your parents also didn’t ask to exist. No one did.

[–] the_q@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

True, but they decided to bring new life into this hell.

[–] Smoogs@lemmy.world -1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

And nothin anyone here can do for you. So you can get over it or get old and miserly die with a heart attack angry about it. Your call.

[–] maporita@unilem.org 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My wife was horrified to learn that we put our parents in a home when they get old. She's from Colombia and such a thing would be unthinkable.

Having said that I would never want my children to look after me. It's not fair on them.. they have their own lives to lead.

[–] Smoogs@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

probably because where she lived probably doesn’t have the same housing/living wage/ economy crisis where you’re expected to work 14 hours of the day just to struggle to put a roof over your head let alone have absolutely no time to look after someone who is incapable and failing cognitively

[–] Smoogs@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Probably because of housing costs not driving up the need to work for 14 hrs a day in which no, you cannot look after an elderly person who is struggling. That is a full time job. You can’t expect a person already working two full time jobs to also fail at that.