Relationship Anarchy

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punkisundead

How to stop thinking like 'first is special' in relationships. (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 month ago by SweetCitrusBuzz@beehaw.org to c/relationshipanarchy

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So something we have been thinking about recently is the 'first is special' toxic idea of like it's better if some{one/many} does a particular thing with some{one/many} first before any others or just before some{one/many} else even if they aren't the first and how to stop thinking this way.

Do y'all have any ideas/suggestions on how to do this or work on it (slowly)?

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[–] punkisundead 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hmm I think its okay to see those instances as special, because often they require you to step out of your comfort zone and we should celebrate that. Why do you feel that this could be / is toxic?

[–] SweetCitrusBuzz@beehaw.org 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Because people can put a lot of pressure and expectations on themselves and others in order to get to the thing quickly or place way too much importance on the thing rather than just letting it happen if it happens.

Also that it might be better if some{one/many} has more experience rather than being like "Oh it's the first time we/you are doing this? That makes it better!" When realistically it doesn't always and it might feel less like a big thing if some{one/many} has experienced it before and are less afraid to do the thing.

[–] punkisundead 1 points 1 month ago

Because people can put a lot of pressure and expectations on themselves and others in order to get to the thing quickly or place way too much importance on the thing rather than just letting it happen if it happens.

I feel like that is the thing I would focus on. Special occasions happen all the time, so finding better ways to deal with them would be my advice instead of devaluing some of those special situations.

Also yeah I agree ,just because something is a first, its not automatically better or more important (but it can be).