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One time I was dating this girl. She had 4 cats, and recently got a dog. She had ZERO self control with that dog. She straight up ignored the cats, let the dog do whatever it wanted, and could NOT understand why her cats didn't like the dog.
Well, it's all about body language. The dog was acting like it's never been given attention in its life. It would run full speed at the cats, and then dive at them full speed. The cats did not like that. But this girl just said "See??? These cats have become so hateful since I got the dog!"
Uhhhh, no. The cats just don't like an animal 2X their size and 15X their weight divebombing them. They see you treat the dog better than them, and so don't view you as their protector anymore.
Then she said "You won't be able to pet the cats. Don't worry, its not you, it's them."
I'd say within 20 minutes I was holding one in my arms, one on my lap, one napping at my legs, and the skittish 4th one was making progress towards me.
She was right that it's not me, but she was wrong about it being the cats fault. It was HER fault.
I never met any of her friends, but she said the cats never warmed up to ANY of her friends. This tells me her friends were just as self unaware of their body language as she was.
The cats warmed up to me because when I first got there, I didn't chase them down demanding I pet them. I stuck my hand out, allowed her to sniff my hand, and the cat said no. She didn't even want to sniff my hand. So I said "ok, thats cool too." And I just maintained body language that I was calm and not a threat, but if she wanted to come say hi, she could.
Thats all it is. Just making sure they know they can be comfortable around you. And the girl I was dating at the time didn't understand that.
I trained my 8 year old Shiba Inu to live with a kitten. Previously, this dog would chase, bark, and leer at any cat it saw. Now the cat, still at teenage cat size, can literally dive bomb off the top of the cat tower at the dog and he's just like "Neat!"
Starting the other direction should be infinitely easier! A puppy is almost genetically engineered to learn from you.
100%. I've had a lot of similar experiences with people telling me their cats are mean or they don't like strangers only for it to love me because I know how to respect it's body language. When I was younger I was dating a girl who still lived at home and her family had 2 dogs and 3 cats. The dogs and one of the cats were totally chill and friendly to everyone. The other cat was younger and was constantly bolting around the house trying to play fight with everything. The third cat didn't want to be involved in any of this so usually hung out in their parents bedroom unless she was eating. When I started coming over they told me she didn't like people. It took me like 3 visits to have her coming down to sit with me when I came over and it was just like you said. When she was going by let her sniff my hand and pet her if she allowed it. If not leave her alone. It's not that hard if you respect their boundaries.