thefartographer

Should get stomped by horses

That's a bad joke. You're grounded

Selena was shot by her own friend/manager

I thought he saved his urine in jars

Then again, I guess you can save multiple things in jars

Cousin-fucking

@DogPeePoo@lemm.ee I'll give you a slice of pizza if you do it again but longer and louder

Thanks! Now that I've got a fan base to disappoint, it's time say something disturbingly sexist or transphobic.

Girls have a button and boys have a pole. Wicked touching takes its toll.

And then write Harry Potter style books about himself!

• President Trump and Roger Stone
• President Trump and the Chamberpot of Secret Documents
• President Trump and the Prisoner of Financial Scams
• President Trump and Everyone's Fired
• President Trump and the Order of the Hamberder
• President Trump and the Half-Baked Concept of a Plan
• President Trump and the Deathly Hollow Promise

Also he puts his wiener into furniture and says he doesn't

While I don't agree with your statement, as a republican, I have no ability to tell you whether I like or dislike what you've said. I know which one and only statement I like, and your statement was not it.

\s

Probably doing a golf pop

Wait wait wait, now you're just bungling the story tooooo much.

• It was a quail hunt, not pheasant
• Yes, security detail was there, but he didn't shoot any of them. He shot a lawyer and the secret service helped him
• The lawyer he shot also had a heart attack from one of the pellets getting close to his heart
• The secret service claim they waited an entire fucking hour before notifying the local sheriff
• The sheriff said they didn't find out until the next day

What probably happened is he got target fixation while the bird flew in a path that... well... ooooppsssies

You forgot the best part of the whole "ooooppsssies":
The fucking lawyer later went on tv TO APOLOGIZE TO DICK CHENEY FOR HIS BAD PUBLICITY DUE TO GETTING SHOT IN THE FACE