this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2023
217 points (100.0% liked)

LGBTQ+

6191 readers
3 users here now

All forms of queer news and culture. Nonsectarian and non-exclusionary.

See also this community's sister subs Feminism, Neurodivergence, Disability, and POC


Beehaw currently maintains an LGBTQ+ resource wiki, which is up to date as of July 10, 2023.


This community's icon was made by Aaron Schneider, under the CC-BY-NC-SA 4.0 license.

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

I should have stayed home with my cats and ordered take-out. The gays are just as transphobic as anyone else. Fuck people. I opened myself up and I'm mad I did.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Veraticus@lib.lgbt 77 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I’m so sorry this happened to you!

Allow this gay to say: you are 100% a real woman, full stop.

And anyone who thinks otherwise is a transphobic asshole, not a queer ally or interested in queer liberation, and you are better off without them in your life.

[–] Juno@beehaw.org 13 points 1 year ago

I second this gay!

[–] starlinguk@kbin.social 57 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

I'm a cis lesbian and I'll punch anyone who's transphobic right in the face.

I also think it's rather sad that we're generalising in an LGBTQ+ space, of all places. Please remember that they want us to be divided because we're stronger when we stick together.

[–] such_lettuce7970@kbin.social 44 points 1 year ago

We should be allowed to vent here in an LGBTQ+ space without being tone-policed. I'm sorry (believe me, I'm sorry) that transphobia is a problem in the cis queer community.

[–] Pandoras_Can_Opener@mander.xyz 20 points 1 year ago

That's what you should say to the transphobe.

"Not all straight..." "Not all men..." "Not all cis..."

When does this become an issue with generalization and stop being an issue of covering up/defending shitty, toxic behavior within a community?

[–] heliodorh@beehaw.org 56 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I've come to assume that legit everyone, regardless of their political or community affiliation (YES, INCLUDING TRANS PEOPLE/SPACES), is transphobic until proven otherwise. I trust no one these days. But I'm really sorry you experienced this ignorance & harm in a space that SHOULD be accepting... It gets so fucking tiring. You're a beautiful woman and NO ONE can take that truth from you.

[–] iso@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's kinda why I say we're the most discriminated group of people in the world. There's nowhere to be safe, not even in our own communities

The more marginalized your intersectional community, the more discrimination you face from that community.

For example, jf you think it's tough being a woman in the united states, try being a black woman. And if you think that's hard, try being a black trans woman.

At some point, you just lose community entirely, as that becomes a privilege for those less marginalized.

[–] Pandoras_Can_Opener@mander.xyz 37 points 1 year ago

You're a real woman and anyone who questions it is loosing touch with their humanity.

[–] stormtrooper@sopuli.xyz 30 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Fuck that guy. You do you, and don’t let dumb shits like them bring you down.

ETA: fuck them* I had assumed by gay op meant guy. Sorry.

[–] such_lettuce7970@kbin.social 47 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (8 children)

Well, fuck her. I was happy I made a new friend. I was very wrong. Full disclosure: I disagreed with her regarding celebrities and assault allegations. I learned (well I guess I already knew) when I disagree with a cis woman about something - I'm "not a real woman anyways". My identity hinges on being a good little pet for the cis. Fuck that.

(For the record, my first instinct is to believe the alleged victims of sex assualt. I know it takes a lot of courage to come forward. It's just that when large sums of money are involved, I prefer to let the courts decide. How monstrous, and manly, of me).

[–] stormtrooper@sopuli.xyz 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Ah ok sorry for the confusion. Edited my comment.

And yeah she can fuck off.

[–] such_lettuce7970@kbin.social 28 points 1 year ago (2 children)

No need to be sorry at all. I think it's important for people to know that actually, a lot of the transphobia women like me face comes not from violent men, but rather other women. At least that's been my experience.

[–] stormtrooper@sopuli.xyz 14 points 1 year ago

Yeah I’ve noticed that as well. I had a very frustrating argument with an old lady about bathroom usages a few weeks ago and it still makes me furious thinking about the stupid shit that she kept on saying.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] VanillaGorilla@kbin.social 9 points 1 year ago

She probably knew what would hurt most and used that. Doesn't help much at the moment, but maybe it takes the tip off. It's shit you lost a potential friend, but at least you lost a hurtful person at the same time.

[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"Not a real woman" as if trans women are not also the victims of assault by horrible men...

And as if somehow it's a requirement to dismiss other women's stories of assault to qualify for feminity.

[–] PostmodernPythia@beehaw.org 6 points 1 year ago (5 children)

If I were drunk and angry, that position might earn you being called a “pick me,” ngl, but that’s because you’re a woman. Such an opinion is no reason to question your gender identity, because there is no opinion so bad it changes who you are or justifies harming you in that way. Period. You’re a woman, and no dickhead gets to take that from you just because they’re mad.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] offendicula@fedia.io 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Ohhh I already wanted to give this person a big slap but now I wish I could give them a big double slap! In Minecraft

load more comments (2 replies)

That sucks to have such an invalidating end to what should be an inclusive day, and it'll sorry yoy experienced that. Tbh it kind of sounds like the trash took herself out of your life if she's not able to respo d to a difference of opinion with respect and grace. May you find much better friends than her.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] arcticpiecitylights@beehaw.org 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I am so so so sorry that happened to you. That is so incredibly fucked up and not okay. The fact this happened at Pride is just...so heartbreaking. I am a cis-het male, but I inevitably cry tears of joy every year at our local Pride festival because there are so many people from across the entire LGBTQ2IAS+ community in our very conservative/religious city who get so much shit from judgmental bigots, every day of the year, but Pride is a time when they are not just accepted, but fucking CELEBRATED! Friend, if the hater who spewed those lies to you won't celebrate you, I sure as hell will. Such_lettuce7970, I dont know you IRL, but judging from your post history you use Linux, and youre here on the threadiverse, and you have seem to have a heart for sharing vulnerability with others which is such an incredible gift for all of us to be blessed by. You're a fucking cool-ass woman, and I hope you are able to find people IRL who are able to validate that about yourself. Sending a handful of soldarity tears and many, many loving vibes your way (and if you're cool with it, some WiFi hugs as well). Youre a fucking treasure, and your cats are lucky as shit to be able to hang out with you.

[–] such_lettuce7970@kbin.social 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Is okay. Aside from my cool-ass cats I've got a cool-ass wife too. She's my joy. She fills my heart.

It's just, well I feel like it would be more fair to her for me to have more platonic friends too. I try. I tried.

[–] arcticpiecitylights@beehaw.org 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm glad you have a wife that is supportive.

I hear you about platonic friends. Its really hard to make friends as an adult. I'm in the same boat. My wife has friends because she's lived in this town for decades, but I'm an immigrant who's only been here since 2019 and 80% of the other people in our town drive pickup trucks and think vaccines kill people. The struggle is real. Whatever its worth I'm proud of you for putting yourself out there. I dont have the courage to try that so much myself.

[–] such_lettuce7970@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Are you in Canada too? I'm in Ontario.

Yeah I'm in BC

[–] VoltasPistol@lemmy.blahaj.zone 29 points 1 year ago

You may not have had the default feminine childhood that AFAB people like myself had, but I have seen trans women work so much harder and bust their asses just to be called "Ma'am" so in my eyes? You're absolutely a real woman. You just played the game on hard mode while the rest of us were on easy and normal mode.

You're as real a woman as any of us.

You worked for it rather than inheriting it.

[–] OttoVonGoon@beehaw.org 18 points 1 year ago

Middle aged white bi guy here, I just cut off several family members within the last week for being transphobic. Fuck the person that said that to you and fuck transphobes. They are a cancer and they're everywhere, unfortunately. You deserve better and I hope you find people that support you for who you are.

[–] 2d4_bears@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

As a GNC person myself, the worst bigotry I have experienced personally has come from cis gay people. What was said to you was not acceptable. Your identity is not contingent upon the side that you take in an argument. This woman knowingly chose violence, and that stain is on her. It means little, but this internet stranger sees you. We have to care for one another, especially when we disagree.

[–] Evergreen5970@beehaw.org 7 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Wonder if it’s a case of people being discriminated against, so instead of standing in solidarity with their fellow victims they’re looking for a taste of power, of being on the other side.

[–] 2d4_bears@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It does seem depressingly common for formerly disadvantaged people to abandon empathy once they gain a modicum of power. See: the divide and conquer strategy that has been effectively wielded against the working class for all of history.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Pandoras_Can_Opener@mander.xyz 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I certainly see elements of that in the neurodiverse spaces as well.

[–] Evergreen5970@beehaw.org 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

This is why I have a nasty cycle of

  1. enter neurodivergent space
  2. see ”NT bad”
  3. leave neurodivergent space

Yall, just like we’re not a monolith, NTs aren’t either!? I don’t like identity-based generalizations. I also understand the need for minorities to vent, and sometimes it involves harsh language and generalizations they don’t actually believe. And sometimes it’s hard for me to see the line between “this is a vent and I, and the community at large, don’t actually believe that all NTs are inferior people, I just had a frustrating experience with many and want to vent without being tone policed” and “it’s just venting, back off tone policer, nevermind that I actually do truly believe that the filthy NTs are inferior.”

However, either one will drive me, a minority who the space is intended for, out. Wonder if there will ever be a spot for minorities that is both modded to be free of bigotry, but also doesn’t allow the venting.

EDIT: not criticizing the Beehaw neurodivergence community, haven’t looked there yet

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] nihilx7E3@beehaw.org 13 points 1 year ago

:( sorry that happened, what a shitty person

[–] LucyLastic@beehaw.org 13 points 1 year ago

It's amazing how many people will pay themselves on the back for being a good person, and then just spout nasty rubbish like that in the next breath.

I'd be happy to be your friend.

[–] Dethedrus@beehaw.org 11 points 1 year ago

Bland as fuck CIS white guy here. They deserve as many throat punches (though maybe just a death stare is safer) as possible.

Also cats are better than most people.

I'm so sorry that we as a people seem to be hell bent on both halting progress and undoing what little we've had in the modern era. You deserve better.

[–] Evergreen5970@beehaw.org 9 points 1 year ago

It is always frustrating trying to determine if these people actually believe what they’re saying, or if they’re grasping for anything they can say to be hurtful. Do they actually believe you are a woman in their heart, and just contradict their own beliefs in the name of hurting the bad person with the bad opinion? Or do they think you are all faking but decide to humor the pleasant people about their gender and mask-off around anyone they dislike? Either way, it creates an environment of “do you really accept my identity as valid, or is it conditional upon whether you like me?” Not the kind of thing that should be happening at all, let alone at Pride.

[–] Adella1961@beehaw.org 8 points 1 year ago

I’m sorry this happened to you. Some people are just not nice people. You certainly are a woman and you deserve better.

[–] BrooklynMan@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 year ago

well fuck that! i'm so sorry that happened to you!

you don't need anyone's permission to be yourself. ❤️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[–] Arotrios@kbin.social 7 points 1 year ago

Bitch was just mad that you're more of a woman than they'll ever be.

[–] Transcendant@sopuli.xyz 5 points 1 year ago

I'm sorry that happened to you. Something I wish people would bear in mind when it comes to LGBT people... we're just people. So by that metric, some of us are lovely, some of us are depressed, some of us are angry, and some of us are shitty.

We're not shiny magical rainbow people, just humans with the same flaws as everyone else. You'd think someone who had suffered hatred & persecution would not inflict it onto someone else... but sadly, some people are just shitty. You had an interaction with an exceedingly shitty human being who happened to also be LGBT. Please try not to let it influence you, or prevent you from meeting awesome people at future events!

load more comments
view more: next ›