The ocean: state of impending catastrophe
Humans: can we make another kind of cheese from them?
this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2024
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I wonder if there's a hidden whale/dolphin society debating whether or not to invade humans right this very moment
If whales are smart enough to debate that, they probably have cultural memory of almost getting whaled to extinction. Which would make them like us less, but on the other hand, might make them afraid to get us too upset at them
Perhaps it'll make your day better to know that Pacific nations have passed legislation recognising legal personhood for whales and dolphins, granting them rights against being hunted?
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Although I will admit that’s an interesting little fact, I would have been perfectly fine not knowing it.
Unsubscribe from whale titty facts?
Well let's not go crazy here.
Whaaaale, let's not go crazy here.
No need to thank me. You're whale cum.
So many questions. How does one go about milking a whale? How do you make cheese from milk with a thickness similar to No. 4 Fuel Oil? Who was the first person to attempt to milk a whale? Who is buying up all these whale dairy products? Is there such a thing as a whale milk cheesecake?
So I elected not to look into it, because I doubt that zoos are selling it. Which means it’s likely sourced from whalers
Japan, Iceland, Norway, are all actively fishing commercially (though Japan uses the cover of “scientific” expeditions to justify it.)
According to their process page the whales are guided into a harness and then milked. Whether or not we should believe it, I cannot say.
I wouldn't believe it. The profile photos of their 'team' look AI generated.
Nothing is found when searching for their names. There's not a thing out there about "Chief Scientist" Mark Linneaus, although he claims to have had an academic career. If he in fact "dedicated more than 20 years to investigating how diet and environment shape mammalian milk production", it is surprising that his name is nowhere to be found on Google Scholar.
Not to get started on the pictures of their alleged cheeses. There's red flags all over the website. At least they don't accept orders, so it looks more like a joke than a scam.
It's a shame though, I would love to try sustainably produced whale cheese.
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Well the reviews are from the Oculus marketing lead, a, Simian Field Reseacher (sic) and an independent shoe salesman. Two of them even have the same picture. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that this isn't real.
Plus they're touting it as the new sustainable future of dairy. That alone is an insane thing to claim. There are fewer than thirty thousand gray whales in the world. They produce eighty gallons of milk a day. That's about twelve cows worth if you ignore that most of it is going to be drunk by the whale's calf.
Yup.
I’m thinking it either flopped or was never a thing.
I doubt it’s something that could be reliably commercialized.
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But why is this any more disgusting than cow milk cheese or goat milk cheese?
Well.
I hate to break it to you… but the whales probably aren’t milked more than once.
My guess is it’s sold by whalers.
They talk about their process. It involves a whale harness, and divers to do the milking of wild whales.
I'm honestly still wondering if this is an elaborate joke 😆
Edit: from their FAQ:
Is this a joke? No, this isn't a joke, and we're here to stay.
Further down the page:
Treating whales ethically and with respect is our #1 priority. All whales participate on a strictly voluntary basis
I'm still not convinced it's real...
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aaand they're sold out
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100% that someone has tasted/drunk/chewed whale milk. In fact I don’t think there would be many species that haven’t been milk tasted by a human at this point
humans are some curious little fucks
You spelt disgusting wrong
I'd drink whale milk without hesitation. It's probably fishy, though.
Whales are mammals, so it probably tastes humany.
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How TF does a baby whale nurse then? The momma whale is essentially pooping lard out of her nipple? That's a visual I didn't expect today.
? it just drinks it? like sure its thick but it still flows
The analogy of toothpaste was used but yoghurt in a poch might be a better analogy.
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Must consume the forbidden icing
I've never had whale milk but I am willing to give it a whirl. who's with me
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that would bring a new meaning to "full ~~cream~~fat" ice cream.... (editted a word)
Would this be the freshest cheese possible? Considering that cheese is traditionally not fresh in the slightest.
cheese is traditionally not fresh in the slightest.
Oh, but it can be. Farmer's cheese and other fresh milk cheese types curdle the milk proteins using an acid reaction to citrus or vinegar rather than fermentation.
Fresh cheese is typically called curd. Curd needs to be compressed and aged to make actual cheese.
so making cheese from whale milk would be like SUPER cheese.
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