this post was submitted on 05 Apr 2024
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Privacy

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Getting People Onto a Good Messaging App (lemm.ee)
submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee to c/privacy@lemmy.ml
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Folks, I have finally figured it out.

Have a baby.

Since having a baby a week ago, all of a sudden everyone is willing to install a decent messaging app in order to receive pics of the baby.

We explained that we weren't ready for images of our child to end up in the wrong hands via non-private apps. Another thing was telling them that the one single friend who had already got on board with this had already been recieving pics...

It's been a conversation starter for many and I think seeing privacy from the point of view of a newborn has helped our family and friends understand it a bit more easily. Plus they've had to put up with it if they want any photos, so they will see it working firsthand.

So, if you want to have a baby, know that it can be a wonderful opportunity to help loved ones communicate more privately.

It also increases the sum total of love, community and compassion in the world and in your own life but that's a conversation for another community :)

Edit: If anyone has good tips on how to share a little one's journey more privately with those that care about them, please post them in the discussion.

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[–] 7heo@lemmy.ml 107 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

I have two kids. I asked people to use signal to send and receive the photos. Asking people to follow your requirements only works for the direct immediate communication. The photos of my kids were sent by the recipients I sent them to (over signal) to other members of the family, over gmail (unencrypted), WhatsApp, Instagram, etc. I learned that years after.

This was in direct violation of my express requests. When I confronted them, they played dumb.

So, not to be a buzzkill here OP, but if you did this to get more people to use your messenger of choice, good job, it worked. If you did this so the pics of your kids stayed on safe apps, don't fool yourself. They didn't.

[–] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 18 points 7 months ago (1 children)

That's OK, I understand that unfortunately it's only a matter of time until images of them end up somewhere I don't want want them, either through ignorance or a difference in values. That's the world we live in right now sadly. But hopefully I can delay and minimise it a bit, open a better channel of communication with a few friends and relatives and perhaps raise some awareness in the process.

I'm genuinely sorry to hear about your experience, especially with the pictures of them ending up on instagram. At least you were responsible as a parent and tried to do your best.

Its important to share and celebrate the birth of a child with your community. Yet another part of our lives that has been compromised by the degradation of our privacy unfortunately.

[–] 7heo@lemmy.ml 7 points 7 months ago

But hopefully I can delay and minimise it a bit, open a better channel of communication with a few friends and relatives and perhaps raise some awareness in the process.

Absolutely.

[–] grue@lemmy.world 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, my strategy is to not share pictures of my kids at all. I can hold my phone up in front of people's face so they can look if they want, but that's it.

[–] ChexMax@lemmy.world 7 points 7 months ago (2 children)

My relatives hated this strategy, and I wasn't the only one who suffered from it. They guilted me for it, but also guilted my parents and siblings. As if they are entitled to the details of my daughter.

People could handle (though they were vocally unhappy about it) is keeping the baby off Facebook. They could not handle me not sending pics on (Facebook) messenger, and they couldn't handle me not telling me the birth weight.

Multiple boomers got very upset that I wanted to keep that information private.

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[–] Reverendender@sh.itjust.works 57 points 7 months ago (4 children)

Could I simply purchase a baby?

[–] CaptDust@sh.itjust.works 35 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Just be careful with the return policy, if your past the 60 day window it locks in a multi year contract.

[–] Reverendender@sh.itjust.works 22 points 7 months ago

Ugh, everything is a subscription service now. Even babies!

[–] Steve@communick.news 19 points 7 months ago

You Can!
Stores are called Adoption Agencies.
Congrats!

[–] circuscritic@lemmy.ca 7 points 7 months ago

You might want to start with a lease, with the option to buy out, or trade-in, after the original terms are up.

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[–] floofloof@lemmy.ca 34 points 7 months ago (6 children)

I discovered that it doesn't work if the baby's other parent is an avid Facebook user.

[–] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 12 points 7 months ago

Oh dear. I'm sensing a deep backstory here...

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[–] supangle@lemmy.wtf 33 points 7 months ago (3 children)

i hope signal becomes the "go-to" app in near future in europe because i'm sick of using whatsapp

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[–] BilboBargains@lemmy.world 21 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Genius idea. Is there an app that reverses a vasectomy and twenty years of aging? But seriously, this idea has got legs, I love it. Congrats with your baby. Have you made a Facebook account for them yet?

[–] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 11 points 7 months ago (3 children)

Haha. Thanks :)

No, if they want a facebook account they will have to wait until they are 18!

[–] Specal@lemmy.world 12 points 7 months ago (3 children)

I'm not arguing with your parenting style or saying you're doing it wrong etc etc, I agree with it in theory but I'd like to share my younger sisters story.

My mum decided she couldn't have social media until she was "old enough" to protect her, this however caused her to end up getting a secret phone and create secret social media accounts. This eventually led to her being cyber bullied by students at her school who's parents were less cautious. But because she was doing all of this secretly as her mum had said no to social media, she didn't feel like she could get the support she needed. Fortunately she had an older brother who could help her, but I couldn't go to the school for her as I'm not her guardian.

I personally after this would lean into the world of not necessarily supervised social media usage, but educating and cautioning what it means to post on social media. How it will never go away and when it's there, it's there forever.

My sister fully understands this now and is doing alot better, but ultimately the damage is done.

I fully understand the point of view of no social media until 18, I just want you to be aware of potential consequences of being strict on it.

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[–] ChallengeApathy@infosec.pub 19 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Based. This is something I may do down the road since it may be the only way I can get my friends and family on Signal.

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[–] poVoq 17 points 7 months ago (6 children)

Wait, who other than the grandparents actually wants to see the baby pictures? In my experience it is insufferable new parents that want to show their baby pictures to everyone and you have to pretend to like it to be polite. Maybe others just agreed to using another messenger just so they could ignore it better?

[–] CaptDust@sh.itjust.works 17 points 7 months ago

Depends on the baby, I liked seeing my nieces and nephews growing up. Random coworker baby pics though, they get one pic to announce them, then unsubscribe.

[–] card797@champserver.net 15 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Have ever held a baby. They are little happy squish balls. It's intoxicating physiologically.

[–] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 8 points 7 months ago

Yeah they're amazing! They definitely come with some intense needs but I think the world would be a better place if we all spent more time around babies.

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[–] Paddzr@lemmy.world 15 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I know it's a hard concept... But people can be nice and genuinely happy for them?

Your basement is likely insufferable too.

[–] poVoq 7 points 7 months ago

I am genuinely happy for them, but that still doesn't mean I need or want to see random baby pictures twice a day.

P.S.: my basement is fine, thanks 😅

[–] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 12 points 7 months ago

Haha. Yes, grandparents but also aunties and uncles and close friends. I've noticed that especially friends who have their own kids have been really keen. It's mostly been my girlfriend's female friends but my own two best friends (male) have been keen because they've been by my side in the journey and have been excited and wishing us well. For us it's not about spamming all of our contacts, just sharing with people who are close.

[–] Blizzard@lemmy.zip 7 points 7 months ago (4 children)

Chicks like baby pictures and they are 50% of society.

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[–] Diplomjodler@feddit.de 17 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Cool. I'm a dude and pretty old, though. Having a baby might be a bit of a problem.

[–] stiephel@feddit.de 17 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Just do it, you'll figure out the details later.

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[–] jet@hackertalks.com 16 points 7 months ago

I found this approach to be highly effective. Not being preachy, just this is what I use. If you want to contact me great. And then be a interesting and dynamic person that they want to talk to.

I've got email, or you can talk to me on signal... So I'm not being unreachable, but I'm not installing WhatsApp. I'm not being preachy, and most people, more or less, will install it to talk to you if you're interesting, and they have things to talk to you about

[–] otter@lemmy.ca 16 points 7 months ago (2 children)

We explained that we weren't ready for images of our child to end up in the wrong hands via non-private apps. Another thing was telling them that the one single friend who had already got on board with this had already been recieving pics...

This really is the best way. Once there's a REASON for extra security, people understand and want to learn more. Once it's installed, other day or day conversations can take place there

If you start off with low priority / day to day conversations, they aren't as willing to put in the energy

[–] 7heo@lemmy.ml 15 points 7 months ago (1 children)

This really is the best way. Once there's a REASON for extra security, people understand and want to learn more.

No one cares. Nobody around you understands the security, the need for it, and the requirements. They will pretend, to see your kid. And then immediately and completely stop caring. It works for making people adopt your favourite messenger, yes. But nothing else.

[–] otter@lemmy.ca 7 points 7 months ago (1 children)

No one cares. Nobody around you understands the security, the need for it, and the requirements.

Well, I disagree based on personal experiences. It doesn't work for everyone, but I'm not trying to help everyone through this method

[–] 7heo@lemmy.ml 13 points 7 months ago

I too, like OP, thought I found the grail when I got my kids. People suddenly accepted using my communication preferences. Only to find years later that they didn't. They didn't care, understand, or respected my wishes. Don't fool yourself: some people do care, but that is 10% tops.

[–] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 5 points 7 months ago

Yes, this exactly what has happened with one of my friends - after installing Session for the pics he is now messaging me on the app about unrelated stuff instead of using SMS in whatever his preinstalled iOS app is. Win!

[–] wagoner@infosec.pub 13 points 7 months ago (2 children)

We created a WordPress (installed on our server) blog which requires logins we have to approve. We share this with family members, with an email notification to them when something new is posted. They can post comments to the site.

We really actually did this for ourselves, as a kind of family photo album/blog, and so would have it even if no one else was invited :-)

[–] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 6 points 7 months ago

Awesome, I was thinking about doing this on my VPS!

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[–] Gazumi@lemmy.world 13 points 7 months ago (1 children)

It's what I did 5 years ago. All family and friends now on Signal.

[–] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Awesome, well done!

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[–] lemmyreader@lemmy.ml 12 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Interesting story. t y for sharing. And what did you push this crowd of people into ? :) Signal, Matrix, XMPP, Briar, Session ?

[–] jet@hackertalks.com 27 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Signal is the only thing I advocate. Everything else has a really high bar for nontechnical people.

[–] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 9 points 7 months ago

Jami and Session are as simple as copying and pasting an ID; no more complex than email in reality. But it is a sign of how deeply set in our ways we are that even that can seem arcane when you first use it. Signal does make it extremely easy/familiar.

I really like both Session and Jami's ability to add contacts by scanning each others qr codes too.

I think as more people start using these apps they will feel more familiar and less daunting. I think that really it's a familiarity thing.

[–] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 12 points 7 months ago (4 children)

We got them using Session. My girlfriend and I currently use Jami for text/calls/files but I found that Session worked more reliably with my friend who uses an iphone, so we went with that. So far so good!

In case you don't already know, to make voice calls with Session you have to enable it in the settings. I also recommend changing the theme from the stock 'bio-hazard' one!

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[–] Thorny_Insight@lemm.ee 10 points 7 months ago (3 children)

Some people are actually interested in seeing pictures of someone else's baby?

[–] rambos@lemm.ee 5 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Everyone is being polite, while we are the only ones who are amazed by our newborns 😀

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[–] somegeek@programming.dev 9 points 7 months ago

Who's down to make babies?

[–] absGeekNZ@lemmy.nz 9 points 7 months ago

Yep. This works pretty well.

Got the whole family to convert to signal by using kid photo sharing as a catalyst.

[–] SolarPunker 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I'm imagine your granpa with f-droid and simpleXchat, fuckyeah you are a genious

[–] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 12 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Lol Grandpa is even more of a technogrouch than I am and won't even have a phone! Grandma OTOH is already using jami on her gentoo installation.

[–] LeLachs@lemmy.ml 5 points 7 months ago

That is very cool. If I may ask, does she tinker with her Gentoo system?

[–] EpicFailGuy@lemmy.world 7 points 7 months ago

A cat is fine too

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