Melbourne

Someone from work sent me am email last night.

I looked at it but decided not to respond to the request which they needed by 9am today.

I come in early to work so I can have a coffee and relax while I do things on my phone or read things online, not to work so from now I'm going to pull the breakfast card on people if they bother me.

Anyway when I came back in from outside at 9am that person sent me an email came up to me as I'm taking my coat and stuff off and asked if I had gotten to their request and I played ignorant and said I hadn't looked at my emails.

I'm finding people have reallly no respect for work boundaries and private personal time.

It's the 4th time in 3 weeks this has happened.

Felt like I was gonna spew on the train. Got up and stood by the door to get some fresh air and do some deep breathing. Realise I’m all twisted up inside. “No worries, I can deal with that”. do some more focused breathing and reach out for that core self. Connect to the inner me, sync up. Aaaaand “fuck”, immediately realise I’ve been running on autopilot for a while and the defences are running hot and my brains agitated af. So now I gotta spend a day or 2 trying to calm all that down. Still, focus on the positive: I was able to do all that myself.

Dealing with a pretty severe case of the don't-want-to-work's. Ideas?

I have a job interview in a few hours and I'm still lolling around in bed pretending it's not happening... zero engagement with life. Ugh. I better try and freshen up at least

I'm decluttering and boy have I found some relics. Play-Doh that was once pliable are now rocks.

Interview was had, I'm not sure I'm the greatest candidate or that I'm so keen on the role tbh - more customer interfacing than I expected. But we'll see. Think I might inquire about casual roles with some private firms too today

e: universe is responding, just saw an ad come up for a perfectly good part time position, god I don't want to go for a full time rols

Got a presentation that's turned into 'due today, do today'. I'll just have to lock in and get it done. It was nice the hot weather got pushed from the weekend to the middle of this week.

Mostly pain free now, just so very tired still. Still hurts a bit to walk.

Reading testimonials from sciatica sufferers I am surprised most are really young.

maybe all the old people have already had spine operations. 🥺

WTF?! In a few weeks I will have been at this workplace for 25 years. They now want certified proof I’m not illegal. Some of this compliance stuff is bonkers..

Power still out. Cat is sleeping in, still in bed. I’ve tried to hide the lack of sleep eye bags with make up. Not sure how to hide the “sleepy brain not working” tho….. today gonna be shitty.

There is much to be said, for reading in bed. A cat asleep by your feet.

I don't know how I did such a nice job on my very first charcoal pencil whenever that happened... Beginners luck maybe. This time it's a bit more fiddly plus my mind wandered, causing the charcoal core of one to snap and me to shave a chunk out of the core of another. Changing to a new sharp hobby blade helped but I think it's a matter of experience, better tools, and not doing this stuff when distracted.

I'm completely avoiding my responsibilities. But I've not been doing art either from pressure or feeling terrible, and figured rather than toss and turn or force myself into the big stuff I would do small chunks of prep work. Get things ready for when I'm feeling ready, so to speak.

6 still need to be smoothed and I shaved one thinner to try and fix the missing chunk. I left three untouched for when I have a proper blade for the purpose. But once I smooth those out that's a bunch ready to go whenever I have the urge to pick them up.

Melbcat is ordering me to bed so that can wait. She says 'vcf jn'

I learnt how to mirror things from my phone to the tv using Smart view. 😎 yep I'm moving up in this world. There's still buttons I need to learn though.

Anxiety today got me feeling like I'm being hunted by God himself while I write my silly little emails at work.

Thursday needs to come and go already, so I can move onto whatever's next.

Usiku mwema

Nearly three year I have had and looked after my car like its my child and today I put my first scratch on him :( (well first done by me) I was already having a bad day and now I am gutted.

I'm doing science! Linguine in pumpkin soup with cracked black pepper.

7th night without power.

All ahead full.

Happy Monday y'all.

Yesterday was theatre day with the boyfriend. I was on four hours of sleep but was a good show.

After I gave him the ultimatum about if the relationship continues to be one-sided, I'm leaving, he's stepped up more. He wrote me a card, gave me a single rose, and chocolate. The card included a sentence along the lines of,

"My libido hasn't been controlled as the downstairs is always saying how's it going."

Like WHAT THE FUCK, you could have just said that I turn you on or something WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

and, "Hope you are doing great and cupid's arrow has come flying your way." HOPE YOU ARE DOING GREAT BECAUSE THE TACIT ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF MY EMOTIONS ISN'T THERE, LIKE WHO THE FUCK HOPES THAT YOU'RE DOING GREAT IN A CARD SUPPOSED TO EXPRESS ROMANTIC LOVE, THAT IS SO DISTANT.

"Get ready for some loving because it's coming your way" like you're so desperate to prove that you love me in the way I want to be loved?

The whole card just sounded like he was so unsure of himself and felt superficial. He could've just stuck with the I love you part and I would've been more convinced by it.

I know I might deserve someone more observant and thoughtful who I don't have to ask to do nice things for me, but it's fucking hard to leave. Every time I think about the prospect of leaving, I get extremely anxious because I don't want to leave but perhaps it's what I need. You can't always get what you want, but sometimes, if you try, you can get what you need.

I think this is the weirdest card I've ever received.

First fully caffeine free day. I am feeling very flat and lethargic. Miss Meow considers this to be a good thing as it leads to more lap time.

I'm honestly surprised Navalny stayed alive for as long as he did.

Watching a video on the history of floppy disks and some comment says kids would probably be asking "why is this man pulling out weird DVDs from a 3D-printed Save icon"

In ten years time even that wouldn't make sense any more...