this post was submitted on 18 Feb 2024
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Happy Monday y'all.
Yesterday was theatre day with the boyfriend. I was on four hours of sleep but was a good show.
After I gave him the ultimatum about if the relationship continues to be one-sided, I'm leaving, he's stepped up more. He wrote me a card, gave me a single rose, and chocolate. The card included a sentence along the lines of,
"My libido hasn't been controlled as the downstairs is always saying how's it going."
Like WHAT THE FUCK, you could have just said that I turn you on or something WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT
and, "Hope you are doing great and cupid's arrow has come flying your way." HOPE YOU ARE DOING GREAT BECAUSE THE TACIT ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF MY EMOTIONS ISN'T THERE, LIKE WHO THE FUCK HOPES THAT YOU'RE DOING GREAT IN A CARD SUPPOSED TO EXPRESS ROMANTIC LOVE, THAT IS SO DISTANT.
"Get ready for some loving because it's coming your way" like you're so desperate to prove that you love me in the way I want to be loved?
The whole card just sounded like he was so unsure of himself and felt superficial. He could've just stuck with the I love you part and I would've been more convinced by it.
I know I might deserve someone more observant and thoughtful who I don't have to ask to do nice things for me, but it's fucking hard to leave. Every time I think about the prospect of leaving, I get extremely anxious because I don't want to leave but perhaps it's what I need. You can't always get what you want, but sometimes, if you try, you can get what you need.
I think this is the weirdest card I've ever received.
maybe he's just not good with words
Cards are fucking difficult! I dread people retiring just because of cards. You either end up writing trite pap that has nothing behind it, or utter gibberish. Doesn’t matter if you like the person or not, words just don’t work sometimes.
You write something short and sweet. Even google a nice quote on love and source the author.
eg:
"Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet." - Plato.
You make me feel like a poet. I'm lucky to have you in my life.
Yeh, that's my thought too. Seems like he's trying but is just awkward as fuck
You know him best. The consensus on the sub seems to be dudes just awkward AF and bad at communicating, but it’s really gonna be up to you if you think he’s being malicious with it or just a well meaning idiot.
But, respectfully: if you think things have run their course (and again, only you can answer this) then end it. Drawing things out just makes it take longer to heal. And being alone is a lot better than being in a bad relationship.
He sounds like he's really, really bad at communicating his feelings to someone he cares about.
It's a very muddled statement in the card, but from my very limited perspective I think his heart is in the right place. Maybe.
You're right, it is a weird card and it probably would be good to leave. But it sounds like you're going through a rough trot and are fairly isolated. If this is a decision you're not ready to make and it's causing you extreme anxiety, you do have the option to not go ahead until you feel stronger.
In the meantime though, while you have this decision on the shelf or you choose to stay, you could also do some nice things for yourself and perhaps hang out with other people. I know it's not easy. Groups can be a bit exclusive especially in Melbourne, people could be toxic, money may be tight, hidden depression may make it hard to get joy from anything. Seeing someone trained might be a good move if that last one is the case.
But it would be good if there were a few small joys in your life you could regularly count on. Or at least a few moments where you could forget about your worries.
I mean, I could see writing this as a funny Valentine's, but that is in context of my own partner and I.
You seem to have already had conversations about sincerity, and from my own perspective I wouldn't say this is sincere. I mean, it's just references to sex.
I don't think it's a malicious card, like he wrote it just to upset you, but it is thoughtless in the context of your previous conversations with him. Communicate you feelings about this to him, and his reaction will tell you what to do.
But, also take this with a grain of salt. I ain't no relationship expert, just a potato on the internet.