This may have been the one that put the first crack in my shell
this post was submitted on 21 Dec 2023
125 points (100.0% liked)
egg_irl — Memes about being trans people in denial and other eggy topics
3278 readers
30 users here now
!egg_irl
!egg_irl is for widely relatable memes about questioning one's gender or being an egg (a trans person in denial) as well as other eggy topics.
If you are looking for a place to discuss something specific to you or especially if you need help or are in crisis, we have communities and resources that can support you linked at the bottom of this sidebar.
General Rules:
-
No bigotry.
-
No spam, bots, or vote farming.
Rules on Content:
-
No reposts.
-
No personal-life posts, bingo cards, quizzes, selfies, "trans/not trans" lists, picrew, or non-memes.
-
No visible names or usernames.
-
Do not post or link to pornography.
Rules on Post Titles and Tags:
-
Posts must be titled "egg_irl". An emoji or two is OK, but they have to be between "egg" and "irl".
-
Posts that assume the viewer's gender and/or contain potentially triggering content must be spoilered and tagged at the beginning of the post title. Example content-warning tags that you can copy include the following:
[CW: Assumes Viewer is Transmasc][CW: Assumes Viewer is Transfem][CW: Assumes Viewer is Nonbinary][CW: Transphobia][CW: Violence][CW: Weapons/Firearms][CW: Disturbing Imagery]
-
You may optionally include other tags, such as:
[Transmasc Meme][Transfem Meme][Nonbinary Meme][Gender-Nonspecific Meme]
Rules on Post Text:
-
If possible, include an image description for accessibility.
-
Add sources for art.
Rules on Comments
-
If a post is tagged with a specific gender identity, keep the conversation centered on that identity.
-
You must follow the Egg Prime Directive. You may not push or coerce people into identifying or not identifying a certain way. You must respect them as the gender they claim to identify as. In addition it is extremely in poor taste to make assumptions about other people's identities based on external factors, we understand it cannot be helped but it is best not to as it can affect the way you treat others in noticeable ways.
Recommendations:
We strongly encourage you to include your pronouns in your account bio so that others know how to refer to you without misgendering you. If you're questioning or unsure of your pronouns, that's totally cool—just say so.
Sibling Meme Communities
- !traa (or search for https://lemmy.ca/c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns in your instance if the link doesn't work)
Sibling Non-Meme Communities
- !transgender (or search for https://lemmy.ml/c/transgender in your instance if the link doesn't work)
- !trans (or search for https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/c/trans in your instance if the link doesn't work)
- !ftm (and transmasc) (or search for https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/c/ftm in your instance if the link doesn't work)
- !mtf (and transfem) (or search for https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/c/mtf in your instance if the link doesn't work)
- !nonbinary@lemmy.one (or search for https://lemmy.one/c/nonbinary in your instance if the link doesn't work)
- !lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org (or search for https://beehaw.org/c/lgbtq_plus in your instance if the link doesn't work)
- !lgbtq_plus@lemmy.blahaj.zone (or search for https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/c/lgbtq_plus in your instance if the link doesn't work)
Community Resources:
- The Trevor Project / 1-866-488-7386 — A US-based crisis prevention and intervention hotline and community
- TransLifeLine / 1-877-565-8860 — A US-based trans peer support hotline
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible — An in-depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria
- Trans Resources — A directory of resources for trans, non-binary, and gender-non-conforming people
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory — A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers
- Trans Resistance Network — A US-based mutual-aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project — Advice about insurance claims for trans healthcare procedures
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library — A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
Same same
I've been wondering about definitions there for some time now. I do constantly wish i was a woman, and transitioning is something I've considered for quite a while but ultimately am not doing for two reasons
-
i barely have my social anxiety under control enough to function normally (at least most of the time) and have some degree of social life, so the thought of transitioning before it is something accepted by >99% of society is horrifying.
-
one of the primary aspects I dislike about being male is my appearance, but I also have at least found a style I'm mostly comfortable with and believe that with my current body state I'd just dislike how I look even more if I tried to present female, as it'd still be far from what I'd wanna look like.
Which is to say, if being trans were to stop being a social and political problem and I lost weight I'd start transitioning in a heartbeat, and I sure relate to a lot of experiences I see transfems talk about, but I feel like calling myself "trans" in this state isn't very fitting regardless since I feel like "trans" implies "not having decided not to transition". But maybe I'm wrong and it's more flexible than that.
Sorry for randomly dumping all that under a meme but it's been on my mind for a while and this felt like a reasonably appropriate place for it lol
Get outta my head lol. This is 100% my mental state too....
Well then, do I have something for you that I saw mentioned in another post and has really helped answer this (funny how that happens just when I decide to actually talk about it, but it's a state of mind of wanting to look into it i guess). https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en , aka "the gender dysphoria bible".
Now after reading that, the social anxiety aspect is the only thing stopping me anymore I think, though that has dictated most of my life for as long as I can remember, so I'm unlikely to get past it without societal change.
To answer the main question of my post, considering yourself trans and just deciding not to transition is apparently just fine, because there are tons of reasons you might come to that decision.
Though I think if I put a transflag on my social media profiles or something similar that would still least to confusion at least for cis people, they'd prob either assume I was AFAB or want them to use female pronouns to refer to me. But I'm guessing now the trans community at large wouldn't have any issue with that either.
Thank you so much for posting that link. That really helped put a lot of my questions into perspective.
I don't want to contradict your experience, because I have been in a very similar state of mind in the past and some time ago I would probably have written a similar comment. But I want to tell you about my own experience with social anxiety and being trans. There has been a somewhat strange development of my mental state which you may find informative.
Since I decided to transition, my social anxiety has diminished. No, it's not gone, but it is less powerful than before. I attribute this to a strange paradox: When presenting male, I was fixated on doing "man" right. I was under constant stress of being exposed as a "fake man" who wasn't manly enough and I always - consciously and subconsciously - tried to be more male.
I thought that this would also be the case when transitioning to female. That I would constantly have to worry about "doing female" right. But I don't.
I was convinced that presenting as this or that gender was a constant dance on a tightrope. But after a while I realised that it isn't anymore, because I am just being myself. It's one less thing my mind worries about. And a big one at that.
As I said: My social anxiety is still there and I am only making baby steps towards presenting more female, because - yeah - I am also very worried about the social and political climate in the place I live in. And I certainly can't say that your mind works similarly, but gender dysphoria warps one's brain in very insidious ways and sometimes the outcome is a paradoxical state of mind.
The "fake male" part, gosh, that resonates so hard with me. I felt like I would mimic other males and none of it ever made sense. Same with transitioning and feeling at least a bit more outgoing.
I always thought I was just an introvert and shy, but as I've been transitioning (still early) I've felt more confidence than I thought possible. I don't expect to turn into an extrovert, but it's an amazing improvement so far! You say you'd transition in a heartbeat if society was more accepting, but if that's the case I recommend doing it anyway, or at maybe just dipping your toes in. Maybe you can try being a woman in private and a man in public, that way you don't really risk anything while still being able to experiment.
Not constantly, but often, right? 👀
Whenever ya feel like it. Don't let a meme define your you
And a cut one ofc, 👀
i have 0 idea how lemmy works is this how u spoiler images by marking them as nsfw?
Yup. Shows up blurred on my end, unblurs when I click on it.
Also, this can be edited after posting.
I would like to clarify that the key word here is constantly.
If it happens on and off, such as wanting it one day but not on others that's more in line with genderfluidity or genderflux, where it changes constantly. I want to bring this up because I know that lots of arguments about a person being transfem really tend to squash genderfluidity, typically out of ignorance but sometimes out of transmedicalist belief. Genderfluid people are real and valid, to the people who do it out of ignorance I hope this can be a learning experience to better understand genderfluidity, to people who are transmedicalists, fuck you, who do you think you are trying to decide whether people are valid or not, ~~if anyone isn't valid it's you~~ nvm too far.
Another key thing is that they actually have to want it, I'm adding this because I have seen in r/egg_irl where they try and get people to say it without meaning it, which doesn't make it so. The person has to really want it. Also extends to wanting to present feminine but not identifying as a woman, them wanting to act or present fem doesn't make them a woman, only identifying as one does.
TL;DR It's not as easy or Binary as it seems, every situation is a little bit different and it's important to remember that so one doesn't invalidate people by mistake when trying to help.
Thanks. I've been comfortable hanging out in transfem spaces but not egg ones because memes like this feel... pushy? to me. I'm comfortable as/with who I am and memes like this kinda make me feel like I have to defend what I've figured out/decided on. Idk, they are helping me work out some insecurity by practicing being unbothered by them though, so that's a plus.
Yeah that's a big reason I'm not a fan of them, also they tend to create narratives towards Gender Nonconformity that aren't super great.
I think it's important for people to find validation and discover themselves but it shouldn't come at the cost of others (i.e. shouldn't be overly pushy to those who are unwilling, shouldn't go after people for being femboys/tomboys).
🥚= cracked
Hm, if constantly means multiple times a day, then... 🥚🐣🍳
wait really
Sometimes
Wait really??
No. Not really.
Oh ...