this post was submitted on 14 Nov 2023
555 points (96.8% liked)

The Onion

4568 readers
673 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
all 42 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Australis13@fedia.io 170 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I didn't even register this as satire until I opened the article. The headline is just too believable.

[–] pdxfed@lemmy.world 38 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I was a full paragraph in.

[–] TheLowestStone@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago

I'm still not 100% sure it is satire.

[–] winterayars@sh.itjust.works 19 points 1 year ago

I mean it's not wrong.

[–] RickyRigatoni@lemmy.ml 15 points 1 year ago

Not believable at all because I've seen it with my own eyes and know it to be true.

[–] mibo80@lemm.ee 96 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Can always forgive a little witchcraft as long as the witch hates the gays, too. "One of the good ones."

[–] funktion@lemm.ee 8 points 1 year ago

So long as they're hurting the right people

[–] TheImpressiveX@lemmy.ml 37 points 1 year ago (3 children)

She has grit, plain and simple, like a certain big fella I know. Hint: his initials are J.C

James Cameron?

[–] Cqrd@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] TurnItOff_OnAgain@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] billiam0202@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] canthidium@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] agent_flounder@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Alivrah@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] AltheaHunter@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] quaddo@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] SnipingNinja 3 points 1 year ago

Jesus Castro?

[–] DaSaw@midwest.social 3 points 1 year ago

More accurate than you might think.

[–] bermuda@beehaw.org 10 points 1 year ago

Johnny Cash

[–] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 35 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I had one crazy aunt who went to HP book burnings back in the day. She wasn’t even anything that weird, just regular Catholic. Dunno what made her think she needed to do it because the rest of the family is also Catholic and they weren’t doing it.

[–] holmesandhoatzin 34 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That's hilarious because my priest at the time encouraged people to read the books.

[–] Kalkaline@leminal.space 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Catholics got some extra crazy somewhere around 2000-2008, I can't pinpoint when it happened, but the community changed somewhere around that time. Like there was normal conservative Catholic, and then suddenly I noticed that Evangelical type start to join up. I'm no longer practicing now and consider myself agnostic.

[–] Hotdogman@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

They were preparing for the rapture of 2012. Must have been quite akward the following Sunday at church when everbody showed up.

[–] bayank@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 year ago

I read an interesting take on 2012, which the Mayans or some ancient civilization also predicted. That the end of the world would be slow, and take years. It’s not going to be instant. I think it’s happening now, this cursed timeline that we’re all in.

Yeah that’s what I thought I also remembered about the time. I was just a kid though but it’s stuck with me for some reason lol

So fucking weird.

[–] agent_flounder@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago
[–] MycoBro@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

I read it as hp love craft and pictured her in the 40s burning books. Everyone was dressed like in the godfather.

[–] LadyLikesSpiders@lemmy.ml 19 points 1 year ago

I know this is from "the hard times" But I don't know if it counts as satire when I literally know people like this -_-

[–] agent_flounder@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago

Yummy onion. ಠ_ಠ

[–] saltesc@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

“It’s witchcraft, but it’s anti-woke witchcraft, which we can get behind,”

Sounds like, someone's livin' in the past, man.

But this is how we get the witchcraft in... Finally! Prepare to call off the woke movement and we'll unveil the anti-wole curtain to reveal witchcraft to all the children! They'll be running around-checks notes... using magic or supernatural powers to inflict harm or misfortune on other!s And-... transgress social norms by engaging in cannibalism, incest and open nudity!

Muahahaha

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Can't we use magic for more beneficial and fun things?

[–] TheLowestStone@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hmm... I guess so. As long as we keep the cannibalism, incest, and open nudity.

[–] MycoBro@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

I don’t want to live in a world without cannibalism, incest, and open nudity.

[–] jose1324@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago

Lol this is supposed to be satire? I see this like evey day

[–] NewPerspective@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Why can't the title of the article just say the word we're all thinking: hypocrites

[–] BarrierWithAshes@kbin.social -2 points 1 year ago

Well yeah, people change. Either that or consistency is dead.