this post was submitted on 10 Oct 2023
589 points (92.7% liked)

internet funeral

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[–] ryan@the.coolest.zone 162 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Dear Medical Team:

Please send me an up-to-date itemized medical bill. If possible, coordinate with my family on my current amount of medical debt and send that across as well. This will help me determine whether or not I even want to wake up.

Yours sleepily, comatose ryan

[–] ericbomb@lemmy.world 94 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Don't worry, medical care is now government funded in the real world! The taxes you paid prior to falling into a coma covered you.

This is in no way a ploy to get you to wake up so we can put you in the medical work camp because you owe us 17 million dollars.

With love, Kind and gentle Medical industries inc*

*A fully owned subsidy of Nestlé

[–] Lichtblitz@discuss.tchncs.de 43 points 1 year ago (3 children)

The horror lies in the final sentence

[–] ericbomb@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Honestly the second sentence may be redundant given how hard the last one hits thinking about it now.

But people like it so it will stay the way it is!

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Amazon is already venturing into the medical field.

[–] bobby_hill@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Got that Amazon Prime Healthcare+ subscription: All ambulance rides are free, but the subscription costs you $999 per month

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[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 year ago

17 ~~m~~billion dollars

[–] CoderKat@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago

I don't understand. Itemized medical bill? Do they make you pay for healthcare in your dream world?

[–] dipshit@lemmy.world 52 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] gjoel@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

On second thought, nevrmind.

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[–] Dagnet@lemmy.world 51 points 1 year ago

Just 5 more mins

[–] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 50 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I know im not dreaming because if I were, i would be constantly being stuffed by a huge dong every hour.

[–] Acters@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Who says that you can't make your dreams reality?

[–] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

God, apparently

[–] UnrepententProcrastinator@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Not after some practice

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 42 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I asked to be woken up when September ends. It's October 10th. You're late.

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[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 38 points 1 year ago

I fuckin wish this was all a dream

[–] ivanafterall@kbin.social 32 points 1 year ago (1 children)

No repercussions for my actions, you say?

[–] nnjethro@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The dream has all the same repercussions within, unless you're able to wake up... but you can't wake up.

[–] ivanafterall@kbin.social 8 points 1 year ago

Don't tell me how to dream!

[–] chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 25 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Implying you're rich enough that they would keep the life support equipment plugged in for 20 years. It's definitely a trick of some kind. Maybe there are limited slots in the Matrix and someone wants to kick you out so it can be their turn.

[–] doom_and_gloom@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 11 months ago)
[–] pfjarschel@lemmy.world 21 points 1 year ago

Why is this post just a black picture?

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago

Depends, is Harambe still alive in your world? If not, no deal.

[–] drbluefall@toast.ooo 18 points 1 year ago

...nah I'm good

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.ml 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This explains a lot. I don't know how to wake up though, and I'm unwilling to leave a solid life that I've built here in my dream to enter some reality where I've been asleep for 20 years, will have massive health issues, and will certainly be destitute and broke. So if you're reading this, I'm doing well. Thanks for the concern, but I'm going to stay asleep. Cheers!

[–] aeki 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I struggle with mental health issues and a lot of the time I think I'm not okay at all and want to escape myself.

Then a scenario like this comes up and I'm surprised to find out I wouldn't want to wake up? Even if it's only been a few weeks in "real life", and I'd have no long term sequela from the coma, I'd still want to stay.

Good sign I guess?

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago

It's a sign that you recognize the good things in your life, even when faced with challenges. So yeah, good sign!

[–] XTornado@lemmy.ml 16 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Nah thanks... this dream is crazy I have to see how it ends... so many new plots every week.

[–] Oha@lemmy.ohaa.xyz 6 points 1 year ago

please wake up.

[–] MargotRobbie@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Eh, I prefer the soft drink version.

[–] LukeMedia@lemm.ee 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Where can I buy this, Margot Robbie?

[–] MargotRobbie@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Omega Mart (it's an art installation disguised as a grocery store filled with weird products in Las Vegas, pretty cool place.)

[–] thezeesystem@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Been trying for 20 years, this world is shit. Just pull the plug. The trauma I have here is way to extreme.

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago

If Miles O'Brien can endure it, then so can you.

[–] Scrof@sopuli.xyz 12 points 1 year ago

I swear if you don't pull the damn plug I'll sue your asses to hell and back.

So that explains why the most valuable companies have been doing the same thing over and over for 20 years with small tweaks. My dream-self is not that creative.

[–] Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I'm so tempted to try to wake up, but I'd lose my fucking mind if I woke up suddenly without my wife and daughter. Pull the plug.

[–] bobby_hill@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

⬆️ this right here. Y'all go on without me; I'm having a good dream.

[–] ristoril_zip@lemmy.zip 9 points 1 year ago

Thanks for reaching out. I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

[–] Sabata11792@kbin.social 8 points 1 year ago

You wont fool me twice, I know why I left.

[–] Pinklink@lemm.ee 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Wake me up when September ends

[–] Cqrd@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Bruh hit tht snooze button for 1 year

[–] piecat@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] samus12345@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo.

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[–] Moneo@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Reminds me of 'The Sting' Futurama episode.

[–] clothes@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

I love this.

[–] mojo@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago

Why would I want to do that, I'm in this dream for a reason

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