"You won't find anything. The IRS was pretty thorough."
this post was submitted on 23 Aug 2023
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Ha. Good one. Take my upvote and thank you for your service.
I'm not sure whether or not this was supposed to be a joke post, but I recently had a colonoscopy, and everyone was super nice and fully aware that this was an embarrassing procedure, so they did their best to make it as pleasant as you can be in a surgical waiting area.
I felt myself falling asleep, then seemingly immediately blink awake. I said, "Doc, I don't think the anesthesia is working," and he said, "Ha, no man, we're done."
Like you said, the prep was the worst part. There is no joy in daily living without food.
I work in Radiology, and have to do Barium enemas, frequently. As much as we love the humor, we strive to keep it medical, with patients. We all know it sucks, can feel embarrassing, etc, but we're just trying to get the job done with the best pictures. Your physical body is kind of secondary to what our goal is.
Does it help if you say its Very Berry Barium?
(I think Very Berry Beryllium alliterates better)
I've got a feeling they won't know what flavor it is, but I might start asking patients what flavor they want, from now on. Thanks for the idea!
It was both a joke and my real life. I hope I have a similar experience. I'm a virgin after all... for this anyway.
Mine too! Then i said, "It wasn't that bad. I can't believe i stressed over it for so long," and he said, "Yep! You should have come in 32 years ago." And that was the most uncomfortable part of it.
Ask them if they'll be shooting in hidef 4k or IMAX.
"After this can you write a note for my wife to tell her my head is not, in fact, up my ass?"
I lost my wallet, keep an eye out please.
Alternatively.
"If you happen to see a Standing Liberty silver dollar from 1885 while you're spelunking, I've absolutely no idea how it got there. But could you try to get it out?"
"25¢" in sharpie.
With your rectum. The man sees you crush a piece of ice with that sphincter, you command some respect for the rest of the procedure.
I had to get my ass checked and the doctor was surprised at my lack of shame or discomfort with it. When it was over he said "don't come back just for this okay?"
You're going to want to avoid looking like a huge ass. I'd avoid jokes that shit on their career choice.
Bravo.
Put a joke on a post it note and place it between your butt cheeks.
"We've been trying to reach you about your vehicle's extended warranty"
Stick a lightbulb in your butt. There's a good episode of scrubs they can watch if they don't know how to get it out.
If you still can’t figure it out, ask the janitor.
The janitor hates me still for some prank involving pennies in the door... IDK, but it wasn't me!
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Call me a good girl, daddy.
The genders will be the other way around, but I like the cut of your jib.
Thumb war it is.
one holds the ice pick, the other bangs with the mallet
The benefit of accidental lobotomy is that the patient won't remember.
After this do you want me to do you?
Keep an eye out for our next president.
Puppet Show?
Absurd, love it.
Ask them if they're going to buy you dinner first.
Ask them what their Twitch handle is because your friends want to watch the live-stream.
You won't need to break the ice when your ass squirts shit water allover his hand and bed
Heck, it was basically all water by that point, 24 hours of laxatives will do that ;)
Potable even.
Tell him sorry you ate some bad Indian (or some other spicy food known for loose bowls) food last night.
They'd probably cancel the appointment if I said that, not gonna wait another 3 months to try to book my favorite activity.
Colonoscopy is easy, it's endoscopy that felt like near dear experience (I didn't take the sedative= fail). Worth it though. Also the Dr's and techs were far to busy talking about the next hairpin bend like they were rally driving. The satnav on the screen shows how far the scope has gone, I shit you not it really looks like the old Nokia snake gane. And when you have nitrous gas it all becomes very funny.
I once woke up during an upper endoscopy. It wasn't a pleasant experience. The anesthesiologist noticed pretty fast though and put me back out.
Ouch. I did the whole thing without anaesthetic, but didn't want to. I can't stand needles but thought I would have gas+air for the upper endoscopy! (only gave me gas for the Colonoscopy, but it felt nice to get high after being choked with the snake torch).
But holy shit it was terrifying, never doing that again.
“Please be gentle”
Do a few shots with them.
I have a colonoscopy tomorrow, so I'm definitely going to use one of these!
Tell them if they find $2.10 worth of nickels, they’ll have almost recovered it all.
Something something Loch Ness monster.
With your anus. CRUNCH.
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