this post was submitted on 28 Nov 2024
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The Internet in Ancient Times

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Welcome to the stone age... or the bronze age... or the iron age... heck, anything with an 'age' is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.

This is about what the internet was like thousands of years ago back when it all started. Like when Darius the Great hired mercenaries via Craigslist or when Egypt invented emojis.

CODE OF LAWS

1 - Be civil. No name calling, no fighting, keep your flint hand axes inside your leather pouches at all times.

2 - Keep the AI stuff to a minimum. It gets annoying and old fashioned memes are more fun for everyone.

3 - None of this newfangled modern 21st century nonsense. We don't even know what "21st century" means.

4 - No porn/explicit content. The king is sensitive about these things.

5 - No lemmy.world TOS violations will be tolerated. So there.

6 - There is no ~~rule~~ law 6.

Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.

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So, my clumsy servant broke the amphora I've had for as long as I can remember. I went to the marketplace looking for a new one, but for some reason almost all the amphorae there were 'wheel thrown'.

What does that even mean?? Take a wheel off some poor farmer's ox-cart and throw at a clump of clay hoping you get a pot?

Are coiled pots suddenly not good enough for people anymore?!

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[–] countrypunk 2 points 1 day ago

All servants born after 200BC do is break they amphora, throw clump of clay, and get pot. Ridiculous.

[–] Sanctus@lemmy.world 32 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

My family makes its living off coiled pottery and this is eating into our livelihoods! Such a disaster! Someone needs to stop this!

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 27 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

It's all a plot by Big Wheel to sell more wheels.

[–] BluJay320@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Probably trying to compete with the door makers

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 weeks ago

What do you need a door for? Just drag a stone slab to cover the entrance!

[–] zabadoh@ani.social 2 points 1 week ago

"Big Wheel" snort is that what Wham'o and Ma'tel are calling themselves now?

[–] TTH4P@lemm.ee 22 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

You think that's wild, I saw amphora on the market with a completely flat bottom, just, liek, on a shelf. Da fuq?

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 weeks ago

pics or it didn't happen

[–] spittingimage@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Didn't I say using wheels would lead to this? Didn't I say?!

[–] Wrufieotnak@feddit.org 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Oh, don't be such a Hephaestus hater. Prometheus didn't get imprisoned on a rock so that we let that fire burn out. Who knows what gets invented next. Maybe even a way to put all those stupid papyrus rolls into a neat shape that I can store in my house.

[–] BluJay320@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 weeks ago

Call me crazy, but I’m thinking rectangles

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago

Oh for fuck's sake... first it was wheels on carts, now it's wheels making pots.

JUST PUT WHEELS ON EVERYTHING ALREADY IF THAT'S THE PLAN!

smh...

[–] AbouBenAdhem@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

The same as all those other recent technological advances: they were given to us by our alien overlords.

[–] Jake_Farm@sopuli.xyz 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Do you mean the gods? Obviously they give us everything.

[–] metaStatic@kbin.earth 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Jake_Farm@sopuli.xyz 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)
[–] And009@reddthat.com 1 points 2 weeks ago

No, it's a musical instrument to praise the flying gods

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 2 weeks ago

Well those alien overlords stick those advances up their asses!