Loosen your anus with a dildo each night so the farts can be silent.
this post was submitted on 11 Nov 2024
61 points (96.9% liked)
No Stupid Questions
35779 readers
1122 users here now
No such thing. Ask away!
!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.
The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:
Rules (interactive)
Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.
All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.
Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.
Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.
Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.
Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.
Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.
That's it.
Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.
Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.
Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.
Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.
On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.
If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.
Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.
If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.
Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.
Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.
Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.
Let everyone have their own content.
Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.
Credits
Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!
The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
Do you hold your farts in all day? My SO does, and when she goes to bed a few minutes before me, she will toot like the brass section of a big band sometimes. Practice letting them out silently during the day instead, all that gas has to go somewhere, you can't just hold it in
Nope, my farts are free to go all day. (well, almost all day)
How long before bed do you eat? And what kind of foods do you eat? Have you tried using the washroom before bed?
It’s not just random that you roll over and then fart. You have uncomfortable gas buildup and when your body feels uncomfortable you shift positions. In this case your body is succeeding in finding the right position to relieve the pressure, via farting.
Gas is a nuisance but sleep disruption is a serious health risk. It will reduce your quality of life and cognitive performance in every measurable way and shorten your life.
So it’s time to address the root cause: the gas. It is not inevitable to have extreme gas. But you are going to have to do some work and accept some changes if you want to fix it. The easiest thing you can do is modify when you eat. Stop eating after 5pm each night and see what happens. Delay your dinner until 8pm and see what happens.
If you cannot find better timing then you must look at what you are eating. Eliminate beans/lentils and see what happens. Eliminate brassica vegetables (broccoli, brussel sprouts, cauliflower) and see what happens. Then cabbage. If none of that helps then look at eliminating carbs after 12 noon. See what happens.
May your farts and sleep improve.
Probably has to do with your body relaxing, similar to how dead people are prone to shitting themselves.
Just a guess tho I'm not a medical expert.
Might be a bit random, and perhaps a bit far fetched, but are you able to burp?
I've been struggling with the same thing for most of my life and was diagnosed with R-CPD ( retrograde cricopharygeal dysfunction a couple of months ago. Fortunately there is a treatment that is as good as 100% effective for this diagnosis.
(No burping = excessive flatulence)
Wow, same. How was the treatment? Would you recommend?
Botox treatment scheduled for March/April next year, but I will try to remember to update you when it's done!
Interesting. Thanks, would love to hear
I burp every now and then and I think my amount of burps is pretty normal. (though idk how often the average person burps)
Walking will help sort your guts out as well, so by going for a late walk, you can take the problem to the outside!
Otherwise it's probably just a question of your gut biome having a lot of gas producing parts.
I don’t have any allergies or similar things that could be causing this as far as I know.
Are there allergies that cause excessive flatulence?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it'd be something like lactose intolerance, or an approximate. The body can't or doesn't like to digest some type of food, so it has a hell of a gassy time trying
That last line was the funniest thing I've read in the past few days, so thank you for that.
I assume they are Dutch.
Suprisingly not, but I do dutch oven myself a lot.
Sleeping on my side makes me fart so I sleep in my back to save my marriage
As you relax, so do your sphincter muscles.
Do you eat a lot of garlic? That's what gets me.
Do you know why you fart? Are you secretly lactose intolerant but don't know it?
Stop drinking milk.
When you say granola, is that bars or cereal with milk? You might have lactose intolerance building up if it's the latter.
Cereal. I thought I had lactose intolerance once and switched to lactose-free milk, but the farts didn't stop.
Might be the carbs. I can't say I ever farted as much as you mentioned, but when I went on keto for a couple years, the farts stopped entirely. And I would still eat low-sugar veges like broccoli and brussel sprouts that used to set me off pre-keto.
Look at a low fodmap diet.
Probably diet. If u eat a lot of legumes or have very little fibre then that could probably be doing it.
Farting as you relax and when you bring your knees up towards your chest (common when you sleep on your side) is pretty normal. It might also be a timing thing based on when you go to bed relative to when you've eaten.
You might look into why you fart so much if it's excessive. For instance, I have an odd food intolerance called fructose malabsorption - excess fructose doesn't get digested, so it just ferments in my intestines. If I eat a lot of it, I'll get massively painful diarrhea, but usually I just get some gas.
The same thing happens with people who are lactose intolerant: they can usually have some amount of lactose and they just get gassy, so some people don't even realize they have it.
Other things can also cause unusual amounts of gas.
Obligatory: I am not a doctor, I don't know your life.
Jumping off the other comment suggesting a low-fodmap diet, do you have other health problems? What sounds like an extremely unbalanced diet (possibility in combination with a round of antibiotics or an episode of food poisoning) may have resulted in a condition called SIBO (small intestine bacterial overgrowth), specifically an overgrowth of methane-producing bacteria. I'd recommend getting tested.