The perfect way to mourn your mundane life.
Hey, bud. I can't leave the office after just getting there to go lift weights. I also have zero control over 80% of the meetings I attend. Dude has no idea how privileged he is.
this post was submitted on 15 Oct 2024
324 points (95.5% liked)
LinkedinLunatics
3560 readers
23 users here now
A place to post ridiculous posts from linkedIn.com
(Full transparency.. a mod for this sub happens to work there.. but that doesn't influence his moderation or laughter at a lot of posts.)
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
Saying NO is a superpower!
"Hey, Sanctus. Where are you going? I was hoping you'd finish that report before noon?"
NO
"Uh, OK? Guess I'll see you at the meeting with our main customer then."
NO
See how easy that is?
Mate, it's impossible to work with you, we'll have to make you redundant, I'm sorry.
NO
"fuck, he's got us. We'll have to regroup and think of another tactic."
while curling 50 lb. dumbbells
load more comments
(1 replies)
Its really easy until everyone complains I'm saying no, my review scores drop, and I get fired. Idk what kind of heaven exists out there where you can actually say no without the rest of the office dogpiling you like rabid corporate zombies but its not the place I work at. I could say no once, that person hold a vendetta, and give me a 1/10 on my review, costing me a raise. Its absolutely a fucking Klingon culture up in here.
load more comments
(3 replies)
How's your shift going? Looks like a pretty busy morning! Hey could you please make sure you catch the markdown on the bread? The bakery counter didn't cover up the old barcode properly.
NO
Wake up at 5:30 and not have to deal with any bullshit from anyone else until 2pm sharp. 8.5 uninterrupted hours for long walks, "deep work," and weightlifting. You know, the typical work day.
This schedule is completely unrealistic even with privilege
No meetings until 2pm? Doesn’t matter what industry you’re in, guarantee you interact with industries that work 8-4 and will not bend over backwards to schedule you at the end of their day. Like does this person just not go to the doctor? Or deal with banking issues?
- wake up at 5:30am
Fuck right off.
I wake up earlier than that these days yet i somehow manage to stay far less smug about it. Though i will gladly fuck off, it's a ridiculous time to be waking up
Terms like "connect", "be present", "superpower" tell me this is not for the average working person, but the higher paid bosses of such people who can do whatever they want.
It was the "no meetings before 2pm" and "3 hours of no distraction" that gave it away for me.
Wake up at 5:30am
Counter offer: go to hell
Couple big problems -
To start, this is a morning routine, not a mourning routine. While it is true that I often mourn the morn, dude needs to learn how to spell.
Second, if you're up at 5:30, and not drinking coffee until 7am, and then have 3 hours of focused work, that right there is 10am. Your morning is supposed to be 'won' by this point, and you still haven't gotten to the weight training part of your morning.
Wake up at 5:30 then go for a walk. It is recommended to take a 30 min to 1 hour walk in the morning. Also including prep time so I'd say about 15 minutes. So let's say we're at 6:45 now. Wait 90 minutes so now we're at 9:45. Now making americanos at home is also time consuming if it isn't pre prepped or if you don't have a full espresso setup in your home, it could take 30 or 45 minutes and you'd have take it stronger to compensate for the ice melting in the hot cup. So now we're at 10:30. 3 hours of work, 1:30. Lift weights; you can get that done in 30 minutes, but you also have to factor in cleaning yourself up or else you're just going to baste in your own sweat all day until you shower. So I'd give that another 30 minutes. It is now 2:00, you're late for your meetings which removes your "superpower" to say no, you didn't factor in any time to eat lunch, your blood sugar is probably bottoming out because you had a very caffeine rich coffee drink and lifted weights without nutrients, and you're going to feel like garbage until you get food in you.
Horrible plan
load more comments
(5 replies)
load more comments
(5 replies)
Tldr guy only works 3 hours a day
I mean, same honestly. Thank god for remote working (but if any hiring managers are reading I totally work all day at home).
3 hours a day is pretty solid, but don't tell the blue collars
In all seriousness, 3 hours of actual solid work, uninterrupted by meetings or whatever... That's not as unusual as it might sound. This survey puts the average worker at <3 productive hours per day, and this one at around 4 hours.
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(4 replies)
"Saying 'no' is a superpower, it will lead you to your true calling. Trust your instincts."
"Want my morning routine checklist? Follow Matt Gray"
No. ( :
"Boosts testosterone". I bet this dude thinks of himself as an alpha male.
it is well studied that certain exercise temporarily boosts testosterone in humans, but the longevity or persistence of this effect are quite varied.
It's true that the "alpha" culture has a high interest in testosterone "boosting", usually without even having their blood levels checked.
load more comments
(1 replies)
-
wake up whenever, alarm usually goes off 8:30. Maybe i hit snooze a buncha times
-
start work at 10. Wfh, pants optional
-
work according to load, mostly fart about house.
-
Take a long walk for lunch, usually blow out my step requirements
-
fuck off work 3:30, go fuck around in garden until sun sets
-
big fat dinner sitting on my arse watching telly with hubs, then gaming after he goes to bed at 9ish
-
bed around 1ish under fat purring cat.
load more comments
(6 replies)
Funny how it's not the worst idea but "this alone separates you from 99% of people" is like putting poison in soup and now the whole thing is ruined.
load more comments
(1 replies)
"No meetings before 2pm", "saying no is a superpower" yeah brill mate I'll just say no to my boss multiple times a morning forever and absolutely won't get fired for being difficult thanks Matt xo
This isn't terrible advice, but it's presented in such a way that I want to strike the author for being such a smug prick.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Did they draw hyperlinks in their notebook?
The thing that's so irritating to me isn't the tone, isn't the weird preaching, isn't the push to follow on social media. What gets me (as it always does) is that assholes like this push their message as a one-size-fits-all message.
Assholes like this always think everyone else works just like them, and it makes me crazy.
Sunrise here, tomorrow, is around 7:30. When I take my morning walk, presumably just after I wake up at 5:30 because the walk is supposed to “get my brain ready to work” and I’m supposed to put several hours of work in during the morning, how do I “get sunlight in my eyes”?
Have a villa in each hemisphere.
Turn your Winter into Summer taps forehead
Here’s my morning routine:
-
Wake up at 8 (assuming a crying baby doesn’t wake me up sooner)
-
Change diapers
-
Spend time with my wife and sons
-
Walk to the grocery store with my toddler (3500 steps round trip or so)
-
Drink a kombucha on the way home (coffee raises my cholesterol and gives me awful anxiety symptoms)
-
Change diapers
-
Take my toddler to the playground, weather permitting
-
Have lunch with my wife and sons
-
Read books to my toddler, change his diaper, and put him down for a nap
-
Think about how I’m leaving the USA next year partially because American work culture is absolute trash
I’m on paternity leave and it’s been the best part of my career. As in not working at all is the best part of my career. How fucked is that?
I would gladly change diapers and hang out with screaming kids all day instead of dealing with my dumb ass coworkers and people who can’t honor a meeting invite planned weeks out but then expect me to “hop on a quick call” which then achieves nothing. Between the constant threat of layoffs and losing my livelihood and the political backdrop of having my family deported because they’re too dark a shade of brown and speak Spanish sometimes?
Fuck this place. I’m out.
load more comments
(2 replies)
There is a single insightful line in this whole image:
Your biggest enemy is distractions.
Unfortunately, this image is one of those distractions.
I’ve loathed people based on less information before, but not with this intensity.
wake up at 5.30 so you can be at your top shape by 8 am and earn that yacht for your CEO!
Most people don't get a chance to do those things. Wake up, commute while sending off kids, work dreadful shit, collect kids, shop, make dinner, relax15 minutes, pass out, repeat.
Except. bank holiday comes 6 times a year. Cheers.
load more comments
(1 replies)
The only thought I'm connecting with at 5:30 in the fucking morning is "I'm so tired, I want to go back to sleep".
I wake up at 5:30 because my arsehole boss insists that I’m at my desk at 7am.
As a result I’m tired all the time and get fuck all done.
load more comments
(2 replies)
I prefer the other Matt Gray tbh, he's funnier and doesn't tell me to wake up at 5:30 when I've just gotten to sleep...
This is unironically close to my routine. I wake up at 5, walk the dog for 30-60 minutes, have breakfast, then start work before anyone else so I can get shit done before people start showing up. I wrap up my day around 2pm, walk for 1-2 hours, make dinner, then chill. It's worked well for me.
load more comments
(1 replies)
I saw this multiple times already on Linkedin reposted with huge engagement.
While I understand this is borderline fiction, absolutely unrealistic and in my eyes an equivalent of those pictures with pretty girls laughing with a plate of salad promoting healthy eating, but for me the comment section of this post is the cherry on top cheering how "brilliant" this is. People are so fucked up on Linkedin.
load more comments
(1 replies)
"I wake up at 5:30 because I fall asleep at 18:30. Everyone should try to live like this bro"
I fucking hate how it is only socially accepted to wake up early. Work life only centers around the early risers and everyone else must suffer. Want to start working at 09:30 and stay for longer? How about a meeting at 8:30? Just be a team player
load more comments
(3 replies)
view more: next ›