this post was submitted on 29 Sep 2024
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The Internet in Ancient Times

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Welcome to the stone age... or the bronze age... or the iron age... heck, anything with an 'age' is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.

This is about what the internet was like thousands of years ago back when it all started. Like when Darius the Great hired mercenaries via Craigslist or when Egypt invented emojis.

CODE OF LAWS

1 - Be civil. No name calling, no fighting, keep your flint hand axes inside your leather pouches at all times.

2 - Keep the AI stuff to a minimum. It gets annoying and old fashioned memes are more fun for everyone.

3 - None of this newfangled modern 21st century nonsense. We don't even know what "21st century" means.

4 - No porn/explicit content. The king is sensitive about these things.

5 - No lemmy.world TOS violations will be tolerated. So there.

6 - There is no ~~rule~~ law 6.

Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.

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Also, she might say she's all that, but she ain't.

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[–] sir_pronoun@lemmy.world 70 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Is this real?

Edit: apparently it's real, folks

[–] Offbus@lemmy.world 75 points 1 month ago (1 children)

So for any one else wondering, I went looking for receipts and it seems to check out. Source material claims to be affiliated with the University of Oxford. The database is difficult to navigate, but i was able to find this link to the 4.08.16 english text.

https://etcsl.orinst.ox.ac.uk/cgi-bin/etcsl.cgi?text=t.4.08.16&display=Crit&charenc=&lineid=t40816.p1#t40816.p1

Even as someone who is way out of depth, the database is interesting to explore.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 32 points 1 month ago (2 children)

It's honestly astounding how many cuneiform tablets (and fragments of tablets) we have. Multiple ancient libraries full of tablets have been excavated. Now cuneiform was just a system of writing like our Latin alphabet, so they are in all sorts of languages, but we know so much more about those cultures than others of the time because they were writing on clay, then they baked the clay. That makes it last.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_libraries_in_the_ancient_world#Ancient_Near_East

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Maybe we should CNC in copper sheets at least the simple language wikipedia?

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago (2 children)

If this interests you, sci-fi author and astrophysicist Gregory Benford did a deep dive into the subject some years back after being put on a committee to try to decide how to mark a nuclear waste storage site as unsafe even if humanity collapses and written language is forgotten.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2014020.Deep_Time

[–] bamfic@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

This is not a place of honor

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I think there’s a huge difference between a knowledge repository and a nuclear waste storage facility immediacy is a major factor here as well as the sample size of writing

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

That's only part of the book.

[–] bizarroland@fedia.io 15 points 1 month ago (3 children)

It makes me wonder if in a thousand years anything written on any hard drive will be rescuable?

[–] MutilationWave@lemmy.world 18 points 1 month ago

Absolutely not.

[–] frezik@midwest.social 8 points 1 month ago

They won't. There is some research into long term data storage, though. DNA can be recoverable for almost geological time periods without any special facility providing an optimal environment. There is some work on encoding information directly to DNA.

[–] Naz@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 month ago

No. I plugged in a Quantum Fireball drive (~1997, about 9 GB), (IDE to SATA3) bridge and tried to extract the data from it.

The drive platter promptly crashed into the head, the platter shattered, and then a full short began drawing maximum amperage and melting the IDE slot.

So the platter blew up and the drive caught (indirect) fire.

[–] mumblerfish@lemmy.world 39 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Will Ben Shapiro sing this one too?

[–] Bigfish@lemmynsfw.com 9 points 1 month ago

Could see this being a Cardi B hit.

[–] DancingBear@midwest.social 28 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Good morning lemmy….

(Unzips pants)

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You know you're down bad when ancient Sumerian tablets are getting you.

[–] masquenox@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago

What can I say? The anime porn isn't doing it for me any more.

[–] ALoafOfBread@lemmy.ml 27 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Lord Dumuzi: look at this tablet this total babe sent me

???: dumuzi you don't have a gf

Lord Dumuzi: no i totally do, she wants me to fill her churn with honey cheese

???: no girl would ever chisel that. You made your scribe do that

Lord Dumuzi: maybe they wouldn't chisel that to you, but i've had lots of babes tell me to fill their churn with honey cheese.

???: ok who is she then?

Lord Dumuzi: uhh you don't know her... she goes to another ziggurat

[–] Ioughttamow@fedia.io 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Is this the milk for the khorne flakes?

[–] thesporkeffect@lemmy.world 21 points 1 month ago (2 children)

This seems like more of a Slaanesh type thing to be honest

[–] Ioughttamow@fedia.io 4 points 1 month ago

I assume the khornites don’t milk, they take

[–] TastyWheat@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Yeah this is Slaanesh for sure.

[–] unreachable@lemmy.world 20 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] ikidd@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Spit on dat thang.

Imagine writing this and then baking it. And then thinking. Yes, I shall keep this for my grandchildren to read.

[–] leraje@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 1 month ago

You're not fooling anyone Dumuzi - your mates wrote that didn't they?

[–] eestileib@sh.itjust.works 16 points 1 month ago

That's pretty hot.

I am usually far more into women, but when I want a man that's what it feels like.

[–] NoSpiritAnimal@lemmy.world 16 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Fill my holy churn with honey cheese was my user bio back on Reddit.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago

Are you single? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.

[–] bhamlin@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Your ideas intrigue me and I wish to subscribe to your onlyfans.

[–] TastyWheat@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

Well, obviously, this is not meant to be taken literally. It refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This sort of thing shouldn't even be legal.

Why?

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Is this what the king pays the scribes for?

[–] masquenox@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

If the king doesn't want to know the answer he shouldn't ask the question...

[–] ladicius@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

bonk | bonk

[–] Lets_Eat_Grandma@lemm.ee 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I'm just going to leave this here. https://web.ics.purdue.edu/~kdickson/inanna.html

Dumuzi replied:

—Great Lady, the king will plow your vulva.

I, Dumuzi the King, will plow your vulva.