this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2024
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Dad Jokes

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This is a community for sharing those cheesy “dad” jokes that invoke an eye roll or chuckle.

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[–] tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip 117 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

Hadn't seen this one before but I saw this in a book:

There once was a man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two

and then later in the same book they had

There once was a man from Verdun

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 31 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I like this.

There are two types of people:

  1. Those who can extrapolate
[–] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

eye twitches from incomplete data

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 7 points 1 month ago

I figured that was a double layer of extrapolation.

Also couldn't be bothered typing the rest on a phone.

[–] Classy@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 month ago (2 children)

There are 10 types of people in the world

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)
[–] DarkDarkHouse@lemmy.sdf.org 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

All bases are belong to us

[–] LordTrychon@startrek.website 4 points 1 month ago
  • base10, provably
[–] Ookami38@sh.itjust.works 2 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

-Those who understand binary

-those who don't

-those who didn't expect this to be in ternary?

[–] SidewaysHighways@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] kamenlady@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago

Verdun here

[–] Bertuccio@lemmy.world 3 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

There was once an unfortunate bard

Who found fashioning limericks hard.

He stopped at line three

[–] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 61 points 1 month ago

There once was a bard from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When told this was so
He replied, 'Yes, I know"
"But I always try and fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 51 points 1 month ago (1 children)

there’s really no need to say more

[–] Donkter@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago

God fucking damn genius.

[–] teft@lemmy.world 31 points 1 month ago

The audience always wants more

[–] ToffeeIsForClosers@lemmy.world 26 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Reminds me of an oldie:

“Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, This one don’t.”

[–] MelodiousFunk 12 points 1 month ago

I will occasionally go out of my way to put together birthday cards etc for friends and family rather than buy something off the rack. One year I made this for my cousin:

Roses are red

(Rose dot jpeg)

Violets are too

(Violet in red dot jpeg)

open

I ran out of cyan

Happy birthday

[–] RarePossum@programming.dev 9 points 1 month ago

I knew it as

Roses are red.
Violets are blue
I hate rhyming.
Zebra

[–] Kuma@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

Yes these kinds of works works best when you sing them like bards would. Just reading them as is is not as good. Or you can sing them like tenacious d (they got the bard style going on)

[–] snekerpimp@lemmy.world 26 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

There was a young man from south bend

Whose limericks all came to an end

Suddenly

[–] Dalvoron@lemm.ee 23 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

My favourite language joke:

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

One's got claws at the end of its paws, the other's a pause at the end of a clause

*fixed order

[–] bitwaba@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

What do you call Santa's little helpers?

Subordinate Clauses

[–] RampantParanoia2365@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

But a comma goes before the pause.

[–] pyre@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

yeah doesn't even work with the classic joke format, in which the words switch places. I'm sure the joke should actually be:

one has claws at the end of its paws, one denotes a pause at the end of a clause.

[–] Dalvoron@lemm.ee 3 points 1 month ago

Yes I did mix up the order of the words cause of poor sleep. Thanks for correcting

[–] HairyHarry@lemmy.world 21 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

... he traded the fifth for a whore

... the four is an Int I adore

... ~~three~~ third bit~~s~~ is all I afford

[–] spaceguy5234@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You've gotta leave them wanting more

[–] HairyHarry@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

this is my favourite so far

[–] lugal@sopuli.xyz 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

... the four is an Int I adore

So that's your stand on the square numbers vs fibonacci primes, I see

[–] HairyHarry@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

But a four is soooo symmetric.

[–] cpw@lemmy.ca 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

And this is the fifth line of four..

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[–] Classy@sh.itjust.works 16 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Not a limerick but I want to share my favorite pun joke

I once submitted ten puns to a pun contest, hoping one would win, but
No pun intended

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 4 points 1 month ago
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[–] VerilyFemme@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 1 month ago

"...I can't think of a single word more."

[–] 4am@lemm.ee 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

whose limericks stopped at line four

Bad rhythm. Should be “whose limericks would stop at line four”

[–] egerlach@lemmy.ca 43 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That depends on whether you treat "limericks" as a trochee (long-short, i.e. "lim-ricks") or a dactyl (long-short-short, i.e. "lim-er-icks").

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[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

My bandwidth is crappy through Tor.

OR

Too much exposition's a bore.

OR

Though a quatrain's a ditty,

My pay's itty bitty.

If you cut prose apart, so as to make more,

Perhaps, one day, I'll afford my lost oar.

[–] aesthelete@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

I find the fifth line a chore

[–] _lilith@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

and then he said nothing more.

[–] BowtiesAreCool@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] drphungky@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

You're both sadist and poetic boor.

[–] Carbonizer@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

And then he spoke not a word more.

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

There once was a mute man from spain
Who loved traveling on planes
When ask what he thought
Of the brand new concord
He said

[–] DarkDarkHouse@lemmy.sdf.org 6 points 1 month ago

And with that he walked out the door

[–] Iron_Lynx@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

*badum...* Y'know, no, this is so terrible, I will not finish the rimshot.

[–] Crumbgrabber@lemm.ee 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] Kalkaline@leminal.space 8 points 1 month ago

Nice lady who makes delicious snacks.

[–] thenextguy@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago
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