Tagged as NSFW because this level of nonsense is a cognito hazard. Found through a retweet of a Xitter post of a Reddit post of Facebook discussion. If shares this, please keep the repost count up to date. Ty! 🙏

I've been wanting to create a community for this sort of "so wrong they're right" shit from right wingers. It wouldn't just be queer related, but about any instance of conservative logic accidentally pointing to the truth. It'd be stuff like this:

The only issue is that I dislike figuring simple tech stuff out, so I'll never get around to doing it. It's just a chore, even if it isn't hard or I know how to do it. I pick my fights with ADHD, and creating a community to run isn't a top priority 😞

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[–] NegativeInf@lemmy.world 93 points 3 months ago (2 children)

As a 6 foot tall gay man with feminine clavicles and hip to waist ratio, is my dick a figment of my imagination??

Human variation is so much greater than their tiny gender dichotomy theory can contain, so they resort to Olympic Level Mental Gymnastics. Like, this is gold medal worthy crazy.

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 41 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It was obviously surgically attached while you were a baby. It all makes sense now!

[–] NegativeInf@lemmy.world 19 points 3 months ago (2 children)

That makes a lotta sense! Born naturally, had a cock bolted on, and then they signed the birth cert. Boom. Straight to gay pipeline confirmed. These Texas doctors sure are shady for doing that to me.

Now if only there were an explanation for my full Irish beard.

[–] yetAnotherUser@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The doctors must have taped a beard onto you when you were a baby

[–] NegativeInf@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Let's see who's under this beard..

Yoink

OLD MAN JENKINS?!?

[–] felbane@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago

"And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling bigots!"

[–] evidences@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

If you've got a line down your sack that's one of the signs of a surgically attached penis. You should sue the hospital you were born in for forcing their agenda on you.

[–] pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Fuck, can you imagine if it was? One day you wake up and boom, you realize you don't actually have a dick. Did you just imagine it your whole life? Did some really fucked up person kidnap you and remove it while you slept? Is there actually a god and he's a dick who's messing with you? Maybe you spent your whole life knowing you didn't have one and for some reason woke up falsely remembering having one?

[–] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 15 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

"WHAT THE FUCK! WHERE'S MY DICK‽‽" you shout, holding open the waistband of the worn flannel pajama bottoms you've had since you were in highschool. Feeling around gingerly, there's nothing. No blood, no stitches, and above all no dick. You're a fucking Ken™ doll. How could this happen? Who did this to you?

You hear a clicking noise under your bed, and gingerly lean your head over the side to peek underneath. As your nervous eyes struggle to pierce the gloom, a shadow stirs and grows. Your former cock and balls scuttle towards you, trailing dust bunnies. Too many legs click and clack on the scratched laminate "wood" floor as the now autonomous wedding tackle passes your head. The piss-filled balls slosh as the floppy fucker makes its way across the room. You jerk up in fear and cower on the bed behind a Baby Yoda pillow that forms your only shield from this monstrosity that was once an integral part of your body, part of your life.

The meat-and-two-veg come to a stop in front of the shitty Ikea dresser that you and your roommate rescued from the sidewalk when you moved in. The shaft twitches, twitches, and starts to rise in time with every hammering beat of your heart. At about half-chub, the spongy head peeks out of its turtleneck and oh God, where the pee hole should be there's an eye. AN EYE.

You scramble instinctively back into the corner, but there's nowhere to go. The eyeball rolls wildly before coming to an abrupt stop to point right at you. A scream comes unbidden to your lips, but as you open your mouth to let it out, you feel a clawing, scrambling within your mouth as your tongue erupts in horrible pointy legs.

[–] watersnipje@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 3 months ago

Or you wake up with a bad hangover and find that it’s missing again. It happens all the time, it’s detachable. It comes in handy a lot of the time, you can leave it at home when you think it’s going to get you in trouble.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago

Detachable Penis

[–] yetAnotherUser@discuss.tchncs.de 68 points 3 months ago (1 children)

For anyone else who's curious who that person is:

She's the trans woman who was sponsored by Bud Light, infuriating every single conservative who has ever lived or will ever live.

[–] HelloHotel@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago

It reminds me of when the mafia ran the gay bars and clubs. They are literally the mafia/the megacorp. They abuse their workers, do evil things unrelated to the cause and exploit our dependance. but for some reason they are preforming a massive service to us that without it would leave us suppressed... why?

[–] doubtingtammy@lemmy.ml 61 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Lol. Reminds me of the reentext that went something like:

Move to new city while taking MtF HRT. Dress a a man, and Tell people you're a trans man. After a year, start dressing like a woman and tell people you're detransitioning. People now think you're a cis woman.

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

5d sims

[–] RVGamer06@sh.itjust.works 10 points 3 months ago

♾️ IQ move

[–] abbiistabbii@lemmy.blahaj.zone 55 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

Ok so a trans woman transitions too well for their liking and thus they declare they must have been cis all along?

Fucking Kek.

[–] flying_wotsit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 3 months ago (2 children)

btw please write "trans woman" instead of "transwoman", I'm sure you didn't intend it but the latter is frequently used by as a dog-whistle by fascists to avoid admitting we are women.

[–] abbiistabbii@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 points 3 months ago

fixed, thanks for sharing.

[–] x4740N@lemm.ee 4 points 3 months ago

Thank you for sharing this as I wasn't aware of it

[–] Theharpyeagle@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Their criteria is based entirely on whether the person in question gives them a boner. Someone beat it to Mulvaney and now has to convince themselves that she is a "real woman" to sleep at night.

[–] CameronDev@programming.dev 33 points 3 months ago

"Snip, snap! Snip, snap! Snip, snap! I did! You have no idea the physical toll that three ~~vasectomies~~ transitions have on a person!"

[–] HoodieGyaru@lemmy.blahaj.zone 29 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Holy shit. I did not expect anyone, not even transphobes, would even come up with this as a theory. Yet we have people here believing this nonsense as fact...

[–] androogee@midwest.social 2 points 3 months ago

Oh it's easy when you start with the things you want to feel and then work backwards to a belief that will get you there.

[–] key@lemmy.keychat.org 25 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Daddy has dick sucking lips... That's meant to be the takeaway, right?

[–] TotallynotJessica@lemmy.world 34 points 3 months ago

[–] EmilyIsTrans@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 3 months ago

Brainworms are abound in transphobes

[–] bbpolterGAYst@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

ah but you see. her grongble muscle is 5mm to the left, and her grunbles are pointed towards the moon. this proves that she has transitioned at least 5 times this week. checkmate librarians

[–] AVincentInSpace@pawb.social 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

can I steal "checkmate librarians"

[–] bbpolterGAYst@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 months ago

you can steal anything. i believe in you

[–] Iapar@feddit.org 5 points 3 months ago

Imagine that is your life. Just obsessing over this shit and taking time out of your day to compare and talk about it.

It's pathetic, straight up weird and shows that you clearly have nothing interesting going on in you own life.

[–] Theharpyeagle@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If you want to anchor your sub idea to a reddit equivalent for name recognition, look up the selfawarewolves subreddit.

[–] TotallynotJessica@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Like I said, that's not fully it. I feel like selfawarewolves is more for right wingers realizing/highlighting how they're the bad guys. I want a community that encapsulates all these instances of right wingers being accidentally based.