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!religiouscringe@midwest.social
The Jesus Christ of the New Testament was a dark skinned communist who belabored loving and helping immigrants to his followers, whipped the greedy, and informed them they would go to hell if they didn't stop being selfish fucks.
If the Jesus of the new Testament both existed and returned, the "Christian" right would be first in line to kill him again so they could get back to worshipping this guy:
I think it would be hilarious if Christianity turned out to be true and the rapture really happens, but they're the ones all left behind and even atheists get to go up. They're minds would explode LMFAO
The Jesus of the Bible also believed the Kingdom of God would be a literal Kingdom that would arise within the lifetimes of his followers.
That is what happens when you actually read the Bible literally, instead of metaphorically.
Also, I forget which Gospel it is, but one of them features a zombie apocalypse of the dead rising out of their graves when Jesus dies on the cross.
Also, more to your original theme: Jesus was fucking homeless for his adult ministry.
He and his followers just stayed at random people's places who were sympathetic to his movement.
He did not have a steady job, he was not a productive member of society and he certainly did not have a nuclear family.
If Jesus was here today, he'd be shunned, starved, imprisoned, likely become a drug addict and die on the streets, and this would be by design and with approval of many of his most outspoken followers today
I'm more than a little convinced that if Jesus walks the earth today, he is really into EDM and you're only really coming across him on the festival circuit.
Obviously. I am an atheist today because I went to Catholic school where I had to read the bible. Nothing makes better atheists than those who actually read the bible.
Isaac Asimov famously said "Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived."
Mark Twain:
It ain't the parts of the bible that I can't understand that bother me, it's the parts I can understand.
Its not that they don't read it. They only read the self serving parts of it. They ignore the parts that they don't agree with. This of course makes them false christians. They focus on the ten commandants but ignore the slavery and outright barbarism in the rest of the old testament. For the majority of false american christians its the pick and choose part of the bible. They also ignore the teaching of Jesus in the new testament. The parts that tell them to be tolerant, to not cast the first stone are reinterpreted to to take offense at anything that someone else does that they do not like. All their hate and all their hang ups are their own but they use their version of the bible to support their hate and intolerance. None of them ever question how god seems to always want what they want. Destruction.
They only read the self serving parts of it.
Of the King James version.
And then they don't read King James' other books, like Daemonologie, "a philosophical dissertation on contemporary necromancy and the historical relationships between the various methods of divination used from ancient black magic." https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daemonologie
And Thank you for using this version of the meme template.
Those kids would be very upset if they could read
As someone who unfortunately has had contact with such people, I can assure you that the most extreme of them read their Bibles (KJV ONLY!) every day. For these fundamentalists the Bible is literally their laws, and so extensive knowledge of scriptures becomes a core part of how they exert power over each other and maintain their social hierarchies.
They pick and choose which parts they want to follow and ignore. They interpret things how they wish to support their worldviews.
Of course. They fit the pattern of Yeshua's own characterization of the Pharisees perfectly. Just read Matthew chapter 23 and replace "Pharisee" with "Fundamentalist".
Or don't. There's countless better ways to spend time.
I was raised by these people. We read the Bible every day, and the family had weekly study sessions where we would all read a portion together and discuss it. We definitely went through the entire thing.
The problem is not that they don't read the Bible. The problem is that they have developed an obscurantist interpretational framework which allows them to ignore the plain meaning of the text and twist it to conform with their ideology.
Completely agree, very well said. I remember feeling agitated that someone I knew, like that, had interpreted at least one verse from the sermon on the mount to make it mean the exact opposite of what it was saying. Wish I could remember which line.
They don't read the Bible. They quote parts of it to suit their needs, the hypocrite fucks.
Usury is banned in the Bible, but it's essentially what the US runs on.
Hell, based on the Bible no Karen should ever quote the Bible in an attempt to teach someone.
1 Timothy 12 “I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet."
Mixing fabric? That's a stoning. (And not the good kind.)
"Extensive knowledge of scripture" don't make me laugh
My favorite is when you point out all the shit from their Bible, they don't follow, and they hit you with "oh that's from the old testament, and Jesus did away with all of that."
I'm also always amused at the concept of a perfect infallible being not getting it right the first time and having to push out the revised new testament.
They seem to have it read to them by their pastor/Minister/whatever and just memorize what they've been told.
They own Bibles, but only open them to quote what they've been told already.
All the stuff in-between is just filler.
I mean duh, they're descended from the intellectual reflex that believed translating the book and receiving mass in your own language were sins.
Of course they don't read the book, they believe only their priest can read it "right", and they probably look at accusations they don't read the book with confusion over "Well of course not! Don't tell me you anarchist lunatics are reading it yourselves!"
Most haven't. Many have. Most of those that have just cherry pick the parts they care about.
The remainder that have read and understood it just compartmentalize the cognitive dissonance. They ignore that the being they profess their undying love for was an unemployed, unmarried vagrant that wandered around with his buddies, that spread philosophy and free food and medical care to strangers, that spoke out many times against the rich, the performatively religious, bigots, opportunists, violence, and retribution, that encouraged one to live a minimalist life, to humble yourself before your sick, poor, and foreign brother, to wash the feet of sinners, and that was an activist whose chosen forms of protest included flipping tables and chasing money changers from a temple with a whip. But no, I'm sure he wanted you to make sure gay people don't get married, or whatever.
I love how the good liars would tell christian right wing book banners about a book that contains a story about 3 daughters who got their father drunk and had sex with him and they'd ask them if the book should be banned.
They have a grifter to interpret it for them. They read curated selections. It is useful to know certain passages. For example, 1 Timothy 2:12 is useful for shutting down a female proselytizing.
Reading the Hitchhiker’s Guide before the Bible really helped me understand how much fantasy is written in. Reading the Bible is what made me an atheist
Some of them read the Bible, never read the news. They just listen to what they community says. If everyone you know and trust says president Jimmy bean is the most fantastic Christian devout president ever why would you question it?
I mean they already don't possess much critical thinking skills at that point, at least in this kind of context.
M&D made me go to Baptist summer camp. gave me a haircut before leaving and again once trapped there. turned me into the atheist I became. now basically an informed agnostic. too many religions to hate will make you just a hater. see them coming a mile away.
Lies.
They only read the parts they agree with from the Bible.
I disagree with the implication that the Bible or even Jesus' teachings as told by the New Testament, are left wing or right wing. It doesn't map to modern politics at all because it's ancient, their politics were just different, and also it's not univocal, it's hundreds of authors who all had different politics and different willingness to import their politics into their religious text.
Because of that, you can easily read it to confirm your biases, no matter what they are. Apostles went out as married pairs to spread the Gospel in early Christianity, that's in the Bible, so women are equals and should be allowed to be priests? But also women should cover their heads and be silent in church, that's in the Bible too. So who should we listen to? There's no "right" answer except whichever confirms your biases.
Even if you are trying to read it historically, I'd argue the historical Jesus (from the Q source sayings and implications from what different authors added or subtracted from Mark) was remarkably egalitarian for the time but he was doing it from the perspective of an apocalyptic preacher, eg he said his followers should give up all their money to the poor, but it was because the world was going to end during the current generation... which was 2000 years ago. So does that even apply as a life lesson in the modern day if the world isn't ending?
So the religious right may well have read the Bible, and come to a different conclusion than you, and they're not necessarily wrong, and neither are you.
None of them have. Like the Trinity was invented at the first ecumenical council of Nicaea over 300 years after the stories of the gospels. The word and concept have no biblical basis whatsoever. So even back before the biblical canon was finalized they weren't reading it and made it up as they went.
Yep.they get their info from "preachers" who themselves cherrypick the parts that align with their messages
At the very least they haven't read past the Old Testament.
Because US Christians are a bastardized offshoot
