Anybody got any, like, advice?
Quit nosing around on your dad's computer?
this post was submitted on 14 Jun 2024
16 points (67.4% liked)
Casual Conversation
1661 readers
168 users here now
Share a story, ask a question, or start a conversation about (almost) anything you desire. Maybe you'll make some friends in the process.
RULES
- Be respectful: no harassment, hate speech, bigotry, and/or trolling
- Keep the conversation nice and light hearted
- Encourage conversation in your post
- Avoid controversial topics such as politics or societal debates
- Keep it clean and SFW: No illegal content or anything gross and inappropriate
- No solicitation such as ads, promotional content, spam, surveys etc.
- Respect privacy: Don’t ask for or share any personal information
Casual conversation communities:
Related discussion-focused communities
- !actual_discussion@lemmy.ca
- !askmenover30@lemm.ee
- !dads@feddit.uk
- !letstalkaboutgames@feddit.uk
- !movies@lemm.ee
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
The only good answer.
Trust me, this experience has taught me that.
Another good lesson to learn, don't ask questions you don't want answers to. You may be curious about the things you find in your parents spaces, but the reasons behind the item may give you psychic damage.
Pineapple decor intensifies
It's better than blindly scrolling through your dad's photo library but not by a ton
Sometimes it's just support
What is there to get over? I'm fifty. I have sex with my wife - I'm talking dirty, messy fucking sex, not thirty seconds of missionary. I masturbate. In lots of ways, I'm a fifteen year old with 35 years of experience. I think that's most people. That's just... life. Welcome to not being sheltered from it?
Come to peace with the fact that your dad is an adult separate from his role as your dad. He might even drink or partake of the devils lettuce. He has dreams and aspirations separate from his responsibility to your family.
Anybody got any, like, advice?
Be happy you didn't find 250 home burnt DVDs of porn in the attic.
"wild bills mom pooping on my chest"
" wild bills mom bukkake party 3 (part deux)"
"wild bills step sister"
"wild bill shower" Oh shit.
Home made porn at that.
I'm in my 30s now, so perhaps I am out of touch with my younger self, but I don't remember being bothered by the idea of my parents sexuality.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's abnormal to be bothered by it. I've heard plenty of people joke about how gross it is that their parents had sex or whatever. I don't really understand it exactly. I guess maybe it's just an embarrassing subject!
Also, not to pile on, but don't look at your poor old dad's web history! What a nightmare! Lol
Your parents are sexual beings like everyone else.
An example of why the phrase "Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to" has wisdom.
Just rearrange your life so you never have a quiet moment of reflection ever again.
Get a shitty old car with no muffler. Break the windows and replace them with plastic. Turn on NPR at max volume and then never touch the dial again. Buy a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Light one of the cigarettes and suck the smoke into your lungs. Repeat this until the cigarette’s burned away, the repeat that 20 times, then repeat that every day. Get in a feud with your neighbor and make sure it devolves into night time disco ball laser pointer milkdrop light show visualization battles one one another’s ceilings. If you don’t already live in an apartment with shitty blinds incapable of blocking line of sight to the outside, move to one immediately. Take your feuding neighbor with you.
This is the way.
Some people eventually realize that their parents are also people, not gods.
I don't have any good advice, but I can relate. As a kid you only get one (very limited) view of your parents. Over time these awkward but eye-opening moments happen where you have to realize they are normal people, too.
If you really want some fun, hang out with your parents' old friends and ask them for stories. You might learn more about your folks than you expect (or want).
I was going through router logs (was not looking for anything, just exploring all the things in the router’s web interface) and I found all of my son’s porn search queries from his 3ds.
You could monitor each other’s porn use like the US Speaker of the House and his son. 🤢🤮
Heh. Used my brothers browser. Started typing in the search bar. Got a list of urls I'd rather not mention. Just went downstairs and asked him to clear his history and switch off recommendations before powering down.
It's your brothers computer, why should he clear his history?
Because his wife?
The parameters of your brothers relationship with his wife are their business.
Your relationship with your brother is your business. I don't mean to intrude.
It just felt unfair to ask your brother to maintain your data viewing standards on his device.
Doesn't matter. They've since divorced.
Because of the porn?
Doesn't matter. I don't intrude. He asked me to use his PC that one time. Just gave him my advice.
It's MILF porn and I can't help but find that a little adorable.
How would you have reacted to if the roles were reverse here (he snooped and found your porn if you had it)?
Not trying to sound prosecutorial, its simply helpful to start with your own feelings about your privacy and autonomy as an exercise here
Thinking about it made you feel uncomfortable. Stop thinking about it. Get on with your life as if it didn't happen.
You just have to deal with it.
Now you have a new porn pal.
Don’t think he would appreciate pegging porn. He’s got IBS, that’d just activate feelings of distress.
i had to think on this a little bit, and knowing you're a woman helped me see where you were coming from, i think
and i think you should reflect on what looking at porn says to you about a person. because there can be a lot of baggage attached and - at least for me, as a guy who likes porn - i've already had to come to terms with that stuff. but it's hard to know if someone else has done that kind of inner reflective work about what most people treat as a throwaway hobby
it's also kind of like, how comfortable are you with your own sexuality? are you asexual? how did your folks treat sex and sexuality growing up?
i don't have any answers for you, and you certainly don't need to answer any of these questions in a public forum on the internet. but hopefully they help you understand and resolve what's troubling you
fwiw, my dad is super careless about it LMAO i found his porn bookmarks by accident as a kid. and nowadays his steam notifies me when he hops on hentai games 💀💀💀 but yknow what, good for him, hope he's having a good time
Hey! Thanks for the elaborate comment, it definitely touched on aspects the others did not.
I think, after discovering this, I started questioning his view on women - he is a vocal feminist and despises the patriarchy, but upon realising he consumes media from an incredibly exploitative* and often sexist industry, it threw me for a loop. So, it’s not the actual action of watching pornography - I think homemade, consensual content is top notch - but the implications of watching it.
So, that being said, I really don’t think it has anything to do with how comfortable I am with my sexuality. I think it’s the fact I feel dumbfounded by this egalitarian, openly feminist man who subscribes to this repulsive industry. But hey, people got many sides to them and I’m already over it - I’m just contemplating still.
yeah and i posed both questions just to kind of allow for multiple possibilities because, y'know, i wasn't really sure what was going on in your head
but otherwise, i dunno if you're this comfortable with your dad, but if you are, maybe you could have a conversation about it. ask him if he knows about sex work and how workers in the porn industry are treated, ask if he's considered looking for ethical pornography producers, maybe suggest some (?) LOL
i understand this isn't a conversation everyone is necessarily comfortable having, but i think, if you can overcome the awkwardness, it's worth it to kind of reaffirm your dad's relationship with you and his shared values with you. fwiw i think a lot of people (men?) who are like, strongly feminist would be open to reconsidering this stuff and maybe just don't necessarily have the tools or haven't really had the idea to explicitly pursue more ethical porn. some of it is just accessibility, you know? like, everyone knows pornhub, but i can't name an ethical porn studio offhand
that said, this inspired me to google it (i know, what an idea) and i found a couple of article recommendations as a starting point:
https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a36465164/ethical-porn/
https://sexualalpha.com/ethical-porn-sites/
and then, just for full disclosure, some of the things that prevented me from doing that before were:
- i didn't (and still am not sure) that i could just trust a google search about this (it's still better than nothing and the second article lists some signs that you can look for, at least)
- conflating ethical with soft: sorry if this is too mcuh information LMAO but i'm kind of into people fucking hard (sort of regardless of gender), so it's hard to feel like i'll enjoy ethical porn. i think it's better now, i would have been a lot more concerned ten years ago, but there's probably something nowadays that is ethical and still caters to me
- there's also kind of the concern about like, getting my money's worth, because tbh ethical porn DOES mean paying for it. the money isn't really a huge concern (altho it could be for others), but it's hard to want to manage it without the sort of security of a good return. again, it's not a huge deal, it's a worthwhile investment to spend a few bucks to find out and i think these studios probably have enough available material to evaluate them
- similarly on the accessibility front, is being able to access it on my phone bc my pc is in the goddamn living room (another situation which has probably improved substantially over the last ten years)
- some of it is just like, it wasn't that feasible or good of a situation ten years ago and i just haven't sat down to think about it much since the last time i did until now. and your dad is definitely older than i am, i am not old enough to have a child your age LOL
notably, none of these are really about whether it's a (morally) good idea or not, it's a lot about the practicalities, but yknow not necessarily every feminist guy is on this page
i'm not gonna sit here and pretend these are the best reasons or anything, i'm not the best human being to ever live, but i try to do better than the day before, and i listed those reasons out honestly to hopefully help if you decide to have that conversation with... not even just your dad, but anyone
but you know, if you decide not too, obviously that's totally fine and understandable LOL, i think this was still good to write up and talk about
Thank you for the suggestions, it was really refreshing to read your thoughts on this matter. Will definitely keep this in mind for the future (? if I discover my mom watching porn or something, I don’t know lmao). Cheers (: